1 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:04,038 TED: Some kids dream of being astronauts. 2 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,140 Some kids dream of playing baseball. 3 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,242 When I was a kid, I had only one dream. 4 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,211 To build a skyscraper. 5 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,246 That's stupid. 6 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,483 There were some obstacles along the way. 7 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,851 But eventually my dream came true. 8 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,821 I became an architect. 9 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,022 Morning, everyone! 10 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:26,894 So, I had an idea for the atrium. 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,396 Ready? 12 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,663 Columns. 13 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,666 That's stupid. 14 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,654 I... I can't believe 15 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,089 you knocked over my model. 16 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:59,059 Well, it's just... it's not exactly new is it-- columns? 17 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:02,563 I mean, what's your next groundbreaking idea-- ceilings? 18 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,931 Floors? 19 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,133 Windows? 20 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,900 TED: I know what you're thinking: 21 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,169 Who's this jerk? 22 00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,538 Well, this jerk was Hammond Druthers, 23 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,040 a legend in the architecture community. 24 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,676 Very big in the '80s. 25 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,746 He was also far and away the worst boss I ever had. 26 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:22,015 Then I designed the Spokane National Bank Building. 27 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,151 And suddenly... 28 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,085 I was his boss. 29 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,687 And he didn't like it. Stairs? 30 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:30,224 And to be honest, I wasn't sure I liked it either. 31 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,427 See, before, when I was just another employee, 32 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,396 I was happy, carefree. 33 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,331 The guy who hung out in the break room 34 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,532 making fun of the boss. 35 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,967 Did you see what he was wearing today? 36 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,536 It was like his pants were being held up by his nipples. 37 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,072 (all laugh) 38 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,607 Yeah, and that shirt with the flowers, 39 00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,476 I get hay fever just looking at it. 40 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,344 (all laugh) 41 00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,613 But suddenly I was a different guy. 42 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,847 (laughter) 43 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,316 Hey, guys. 44 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,385 What's so funny? 45 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,952 Nothing. 46 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,722 Um... nice shirt. 47 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,157 Thanks. 48 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,792 The hours were insane. 49 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:08,162 I was always working even when I wasn't at work. 50 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,963 Oh, Robin... 51 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,699 I just had a great idea. 52 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,868 Oh, do whatever you want to me just don't wake me up. 53 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,608 Before, I used to be this guy. 54 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,244 Dude, of course you should take the day off 55 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,345 for the Foo Fighters concert. 56 00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:25,579 Just say you're sick. 57 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,480 But now... 58 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,048 (coughing) I was this guy. 59 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,083 Sick, huh? 60 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,220 Unbutton your shirt. 61 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:37,425 Hmm... "Foo Fighters." 62 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,361 Get back to work. 63 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:43,197 But still, the worst part was Druthers. 64 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,164 Well, I was thinking... 65 00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:45,132 Ceilings? 66 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,066 Oops. 67 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,335 Said that already. 68 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:51,038 Then again, you seem to like rehashing old ideas. 69 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,006 I'm kidding, of course. 70 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,308 Another hole in one, boss. 71 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,509 (clicks tongue) 72 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,046 Oh, wow, he must be really good-looking. 73 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,381 Why would you say that? 74 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,982 Well, 'cause only good-looking people can get away 75 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:02,916 with saying things like that. 76 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,552 I have found that to be true. 77 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,254 It's a blessing and a curse really. 78 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,189 Ted, you can't let him treat you like that. 79 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:10,258 Yeah, you gotta ask yourself, 80 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,158 who's the boss? 81 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:12,226 Tony. 82 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,894 Angela. Mona. 83 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:14,962 Mona? 84 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,063 Watch it more closely. 85 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,398 Rock your world. 86 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,533 So, what are you gonna do? 87 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,701 Well... 88 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,103 it's awkward, I mean, the guy used to be my boss. 89 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,905 So, I went to talk to the managing partner. 90 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,073 Fire him. 91 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,741 Well, sir, I was thinking 92 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,710 he could just be put on a different project. 93 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:30,678 Fire him. 94 00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:32,980 He's an arrogant, washed-up, 95 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,081 pain in the ass. 96 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,283 In fact, 97 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,217 fire everyone on that project. 98 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,186 Druthers, Mosby, 99 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,654 the whole lot of them. 100 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,789 Mosby, sir? 101 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,991 I, I... I hear Mosby's doing some great work. 102 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,026 Fine, Mosby can stay. 103 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,961 But tell him he's on thin ice. 104 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:51,865 Come here. 105 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,704 I like you, Crosby. 106 00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:59,807 You mind if I charge my phone? 107 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:00,741 Knock yourself out. 108 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:03,311 Well, Ted, if you do fire Druthers, 109 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,545 the key is timing. 110 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,147 Remember when I had to fire my makeup artist? 111 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:08,916 Vicki, um... 112 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,951 I'm so sorry about this, 113 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:14,021 but there's been some budget cuts and, um, 114 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,823 we have to let you go. 115 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,225 I mean, after tonight. 116 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:21,228 I still need my makeup for the broadcast. 117 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,730 So... 118 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,536 Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims. 119 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,103 You know what? I'm gonna do it. 120 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,639 I'm gonna fire Druthers tomorrow. 121 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:37,411 Oh, my God! What? 122 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,779 Do you know about this? 123 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,681 No. What is that? 124 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,384 Only the greatest thing ever. 125 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,620 Wait, wait, wait-- that's not enough buildup. 126 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,989 If they were to cure cancer tomorrow, 127 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,792 this would still be the greatest thing to happen all week. 128 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:52,926 Okay. 129 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:57,030 Now you're ready for naked Marshall. 130 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,366 Oh, my God. 131 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,201 This is awesome times awesome. 132 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,436 It's awesome squared. 133 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,771 I know, right? 134 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,606 Behind the piano this whole time. Wait. 135 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,708 If Marshall went to all this trouble to hide it, 136 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,610 he clearly doesn't want us to find it. 137 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,812 Oh, come on, Robin. No, 138 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:14,515 I'm saying that he must be really embarrassed by this. 139 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,618 We are gonna have so much fun. 140 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,587 I know! We're gonna have so much fun! 141 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,255 Oh, sorry I'm late; lunch ran a little long. 142 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,524 You wanted to see me, Mosby? 143 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,826 Uh, yeah, like four hours ago. 144 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,128 Well, excuse me, 145 00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,697 for spending the last four hours 146 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,999 drawing designs for your building. 147 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,301 This is a cocktail napkin. 148 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,937 Covered in profanity. 149 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,573 Look, Hammond, 150 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,142 um, there's no easy way to say this, 151 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,644 so... 152 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,513 why don't we just, um, 153 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,114 step into your office. 154 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,317 GROUP: * Happy birthday * 155 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,520 Oh... (laughing) * To you * 156 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,188 * Happy birthday to you * Oh, you had me. 157 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,757 You so had me. 158 00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:00,293 * Happy birthday, dear Hammond * 159 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,864 Oh! * Happy birthday to you * 160 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:04,998 ROBIN: So, you 161 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:05,866 didn't fire him? 162 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,335 I can't fire a guy on his birthday. 163 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,369 Everyone would hate me. 164 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,238 Besides, they put a party hat on me. 165 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,706 My authority was compromised. 166 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,308 Oh, hey, Marshall. 167 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,610 Have a seat. 168 00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,347 I know how much you love stools. 169 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,749 Mm, thanks. 170 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,751 Yeah, stools are better for your posture. 171 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:24,952 And, uh... 172 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:28,155 I... got you a rose. 173 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,490 Thank you. 174 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,491 That's so sweet. 175 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:31,592 You guys are being... 176 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,393 (suddenly flat): so sweet. 177 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:34,428 Hey, guys. 178 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,763 Guess what I got. 179 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:36,664 A new dart. 180 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,466 Oh, wow, a new dart. TED: Oh. 181 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,233 Hey, that new dart is great. 182 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,836 I did not know you were such a fan of new dart, Barney. 183 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,005 Oh, yes, Robin, I just love new dart. 184 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,207 Nude art. 185 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,408 Nude art. Nude art. 186 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,010 (laughing) 187 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,012 Okay, all right, so what, you guys found the painting, huh? 188 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,682 I knew this day would come. 189 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:55,883 How did you know that? 190 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,418 Because I didn't hide it very well. 191 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:01,254 TED: So the story on the painting is that, back in college, 192 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,691 Lily wanted to do a nude study for her art class. 193 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,493 Marshall wasn't so into the idea. 194 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,660 Well, I just... 195 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:07,861 don't think that some dude 196 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,598 should drop trou just to pose for you. 197 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,132 It's for class, 198 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,235 and it's just that weird kid Hunter from my freshman hall. 199 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,670 The Frisbee dude with the soul patch? 200 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,606 He's like the hottest guy in school! 201 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,240 No, he's actually a little husky... Oh, 202 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,609 he's just huggable! 203 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,243 And complicated... 204 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,878 and a little bit of a jerk. 205 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,648 Just enough so you think maybe you can change him. 206 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,783 Okay, just forget it. 207 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,921 Call me old-fashioned, 208 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,424 I just think that I'm the only guy you should see naked. 209 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,560 Well, then you'll have to do it. 210 00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,495 Are you kidding me? 211 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,631 What if somebody sees it? 212 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,499 We're not in high school anymore. 213 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:49,102 People don't make fun of you for posing nude for a painting. 214 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,404 We're adults now. 215 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,940 We totally saw your butt. 216 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,642 (both laughing) 217 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,943 (mocking laugh) 218 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,479 This painting has caused too much grief already. 219 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:02,115 I'm destroying it right now. 220 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,351 (mockingly): Oh, no, what's the matter, Marshall? 221 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,318 Where is it? 222 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,120 I'll tell you where it is 223 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,856 if you'll answer these riddles three. 224 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,457 You hung it up in the bar, didn't you? 225 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,292 Yo, why you gotta ruin my riddles? 226 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,027 Oh...! 227 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,195 Field trip! 228 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,964 (giddy laugh) 229 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,266 (screams) 230 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,801 BARNEY: Oh, no. 231 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,236 Someone put your painting up behind the bar. 232 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,672 Classic! 233 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,106 What a memorable prank. 234 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,142 Hey, Marshall. 235 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,177 What'll you have? 236 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,579 What'll I have? 237 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,647 Um, I don't know, maybe a beer 238 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,083 and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar! 239 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,051 Ooh, I'm sorry, that painting's property of the bar. 240 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,587 I know that Barney gave you that painting. 241 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,954 I don't know what you're talking about. 242 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,122 Whatever he's paying you, I'll pay you double. 243 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:42,856 I doubt it. 244 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:43,957 Whatever he's paying you, 245 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,158 I'll give you that plus ten bucks. 246 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:45,926 I doubt it. 247 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,027 All right, you know what, Carl, 248 00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,328 you just lost yourself a regular customer. 249 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,863 I doubt it. 250 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,269 This painting is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 251 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,108 Okay, where should we put it up next? 252 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,209 In his law school? 253 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,644 Ooh on the side of a bus. 254 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,312 Oh, oh! How much do billboards cost? 255 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,715 Easy, Scherbatsky. Finesse. 256 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,482 I've got a five-year rollout plan. 257 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,051 I'll have you know that painting's 258 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,720 got commitments all over the city. 259 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,021 Then, after New York... 260 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,555 (screaming) I'm thinking. 261 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:16,790 Heh-yah! 262 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,027 Hey! 263 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,997 One of my worst fears has come true-- 264 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,166 I just saw Marshall grabbing himself naked. 265 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:28,468 Well, I gotta go. 266 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,637 Believe it or not, 267 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:30,804 I have to go back to the office. 268 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:31,905 Oh, I'll go out with you. 269 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:32,773 Bye, guys. 270 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,343 You know, I wish everyone didn't have to make fun 271 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,678 of that painting. 272 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,412 Eh, we're not making fun of the painting, 273 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,714 we're just making fun of Marshall. 274 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,082 The painting's actually really great. 275 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,450 Are you serious? 276 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,652 Yeah. 277 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,086 Well, thank you. 278 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,790 You know, seeing it again makes me miss painting nudes. 279 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,627 What? 280 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,163 (whispering): Paint me. 281 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,665 What? 282 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,934 Paint me. 283 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,440 Who's that? 284 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,776 Who's out there? 285 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,878 Hammond, is that you? 286 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,146 Mosby? 287 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,783 Druthers and I were alone in the office. 288 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,417 If I was gonna fire him, 289 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,386 this would be the best chance I'd ever have. 290 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,054 Uh, look, just a second, Ted. 291 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,590 Uh, no, I, I really need to talk to you. 292 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,558 Look, there's no easy way to say... 293 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,794 What, what are you doing? 294 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,462 What are you doing? 295 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,732 I'm standing here wearing pants. 296 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,267 Are you sleeping here? 297 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,635 What's going on? 298 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,870 Okay, fine, yes. 299 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,672 Not that it's any of your business 300 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,308 but my wife had a little spat a few weeks ago, 301 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,277 and I've been sleeping here until she cools off. 302 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,914 Okay, well, uh, you're right-- that is none of my business. 303 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,016 Uh, look, there's no easy way to say this-- I... 304 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,650 (voice breaking): Who am I kidding? 305 00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:53,253 She's never gonna take me back. 306 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,756 Uh... 307 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,928 (sniffling, crying) It's okay. 308 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,736 What did you want to say to me? 309 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,106 Happy birthday, buddy. 310 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,875 Oh... 311 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,951 So, you've been living at the office? 312 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,919 Yes. 313 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,756 I'm an architect without a home. 314 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,191 You see the tragic irony in that? 315 00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,293 Yeah, I do. 'Cause I design homes. 316 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,594 I see it. But I don't have a home. 317 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,196 Not lost on me at all. 318 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,266 But I don't understand-- why don't you just go to a hotel? 319 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,269 You could be sleeping on a mattress instead of... 320 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,973 what appears to be torn-up drawings of my building. 321 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,274 The minute I go to a hotel, in any second, 322 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,409 she's going to call and tell me to come home. 323 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:54,314 She's a very special lady, Ted. 324 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:58,051 She's quite... mannish. 325 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,288 She gives me what I need. 326 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,622 Do you understand that? 327 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,793 Uh, no, I don't. 328 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,461 If you were lost in the wilderness, 329 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,931 she can provide for me. 330 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:13,700 Well, that's the dream. 331 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:17,204 I'm glad you came here tonight, Ted. 332 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,471 Me too, Hammond. 333 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:19,172 Call me Ham. 334 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:19,639 No, thanks. 335 00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:20,507 Hammy D? 336 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,508 No, I think just Hammond. 337 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,278 So, I'm guessing you didn't fire him. 338 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,884 I was this close. 339 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,420 TED: Meanwhile, Lily had been up all night 340 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,188 in the grips of a dilemma. 341 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,500 Oh honey, you're awake? I'm awake. 342 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:48,836 Uh-huh. 343 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,503 I everything okay? Yeah. 344 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:54,341 I've kind of been wrestling with something. 345 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,343 What if I told you I had a way to pay for our honeymoon? 346 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,879 Baby, our honeymoon's already paid for. 347 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,914 We're going to Howe Caverns. 348 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,716 Well yeah, but-- but what if we didn't want to spend 349 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,652 our honeymoon in a cave? 350 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:09,722 It's not just a cave, it's a whole labyrinth of caves. 351 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:10,991 It's an underground adventure. 352 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,625 There's a cave 353 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,394 that's so dark that you don't even know you're in there. 354 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,695 I mean, we're going to experience 355 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,730 a whole new kind of dark. 356 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,033 Well, what if I found a way 357 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,902 to make a little extra money 358 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,636 so that we spend our honeymoon 359 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,874 not in Howe Caverns, but in Scotland? 360 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,775 Loch Ness? 361 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,810 Yeah. And you know, Edinburgh 362 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,712 and the Highlands and Glasgow... 363 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:36,416 Loch Ness. Nessy. 364 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,186 Baby, I would love to search for the enchanted creature 365 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,888 of the Emerald Loch, but... 366 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,522 we can't afford that. 367 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,691 Maybe we can. 368 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:48,761 Paint me. 369 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,297 Okay, I don't get this. 370 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,332 You've been making fun of that painting all this time 371 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:54,001 and now you want me to paint you? 372 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,703 We knew we could torture Marshall because he has shame. 373 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:57,971 I do not. 374 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,773 In my body, where the shame gland should be, 375 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,910 there's a second awesome gland. 376 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,611 True story. 377 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,580 Yeah, that's not the gland I'm worried about painting. 378 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,249 (chuckles) Yeah. 379 00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:12,119 A nude Barney is a challenge. 380 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:16,056 But I think you're talented enough to immortalize this. 381 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,992 Now is the time-- I'm 31. 382 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,628 I'm at the peak of my physical beauty. 383 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,762 If I were a woman, 384 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,565 I'd have passed it long, long ago. 385 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,568 Long ago. 386 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,103 Forget it. 387 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,306 I promised Marshall he was the only guy I would ever see naked. 388 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,008 Aww... 389 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,011 I'll give you $5,000. 390 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,846 We're going to Loch Ness! 391 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:40,880 Yeah! 392 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,418 That cabby would not shut up. 393 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,420 Yeah, we should call him a gabby. 394 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,489 I think it, you say it. 395 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,891 Hey, uh... 396 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,994 thanks for putting me up last night, buddy. 397 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,628 Give 'em hell. 398 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,000 Morning, team. 399 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,202 So, I have given it some thought, 400 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:06,206 and I say we revisit columns. 401 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,942 Oh, God, not this again. 402 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,910 Ted, a man in a toga 403 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,779 just arrived and delivered a parchment. 404 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,914 Let me read it: (gibbering) 405 00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:16,449 Oh! It's from ancient Greece. 406 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,986 They want their basic architectural elements back. 407 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,887 (laughing): Oh, geez. 408 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:21,721 What? 409 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:22,990 You didn't hear me? 410 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,324 Toga, parchment... 411 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:25,725 (gibbering) 412 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:26,994 Can I see you for one second? 413 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,929 Ooh, I'm in trouble now. 414 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,101 (quietly): What are you doing? 415 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,502 I thought we were friends. 416 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,770 You slept on my couch, you ate my cereal. 417 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,706 I tossed you more toilet paper. 418 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,641 We are friends. 419 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:45,745 But that doesn't magically make your bad ideas good. 420 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,380 What? I don't believe this! 421 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,549 You're, you're, you're wearing my clothes! 422 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,051 And my girlfriend's... 423 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:54,087 sneakers-- man, you have weirdly small feet. 424 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,256 Ted, I hope that you're not going to let 425 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:59,526 our professional woes interfere with our friendship, 426 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:03,030 because I really kind of need you right now. 427 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,700 Okay, let's get this over with. 428 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,237 Hey, hey! I don't want you phoning this in. 429 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,273 This painting could, someday, become a serious work of art. 430 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,608 I mean, you have been blessed with an amazing gift. 431 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,444 Thank you. 432 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,978 I meant me. 433 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,782 Now, I like how you captured Marshall's essence. 434 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:25,118 Goofy and unburdened, with wit. 435 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,554 But me, I want something more regal. 436 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,223 Something my progeny could look at and say, 437 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,859 "There's stands Barnabus Stinson." 438 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,994 He was wise... 439 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,730 and strong. 440 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,800 I don't think your sword will fit. 441 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,469 (scoffs) I get that a lot. 442 00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:46,239 TED: And so, as Lily began painting, 443 00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,275 Marshall thought about the $5,000 444 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,777 and what his fiancée was doing to earn it. 445 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,246 This isn't right. 446 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,215 This isn't right at all. 447 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,517 Finally, he could take it no more. 448 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,256 Hold still. 449 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:05,492 Hold still. 450 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,096 Hold still! 451 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,763 Paint faster! 452 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:15,668 Okay, I guess it's time. 453 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:17,937 Drop your shorts. 454 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,707 (laughing): Yeah. 455 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:21,974 Wait, wait! 456 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,643 That wasn't enough buildup. 457 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,544 I need... 458 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,878 Uh... ah! 459 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,381 In a world without justice, one man-- 460 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,150 Oh, just drop them! All right. 461 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,885 Oh! 462 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,887 No! No, this is not right! 463 00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,290 We had a deal! Well, I'm going back on the deal. 464 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:38,558 Barney, get out! You...! 465 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,393 (Barney groaning) It's over! 466 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,832 Lily, I can't let you go through with this! 467 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,102 (whispering): I found a castle we can stay in, but it's an extra two grand. 468 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,204 It's just not right! 469 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:54,107 It's beautiful and they say it's haunted. 470 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:57,477 I can't let the woman I love compromise her values for money! 471 00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,747 I totally think we can get some more money out of him. 472 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,049 I'm never letting my fiancée, ever...! 473 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,751 Oh, you're still here? 474 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:05,885 Before you say anything, 475 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,288 I'll give you an extra five grand. We accept. 476 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,559 You people are so easy to control. 477 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,228 Dance for me, puppets, dance. 478 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,796 TED: And that's how Uncle Barney 479 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,831 paid for Lily and Marshall's honeymoon. 480 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,470 Come on, Ted, listen, why don't we get back 481 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,438 and finish drawing the plans for a building 482 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,607 which, in my opinion, is never going to get built, 483 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:30,543 so you and I can get out of here and grab a couple of beers. 484 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,178 No. 485 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,479 Look, Hammond, 486 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,081 there's no easy way to say this but... 487 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,216 MESSENGER: Looking for Hammond Druthers. 488 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,850 Oh, that's me. I'm Hammond Druthers. 489 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,887 These are divorce papers. 490 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,723 You've been served. 491 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,358 Oh, God. 492 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,960 She's really going through with this. 493 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,463 So that's it. It's over. 494 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:53,500 There is no easy way to say this, but... 495 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,203 She's giving me the remains of Wolfie? 496 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,605 My dog is dead? 497 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,373 Oh, my God. 498 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,708 I can't believe this. 499 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:05,545 She always played too rough with him. 500 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:08,648 Believe me, there is no easy way to say this-- 501 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:11,351 GROUP: * Happy birthday to you... * 502 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,785 You've got to be kidding me! 503 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,020 Guys, you have no idea 504 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,955 how much this means to me right now. 505 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,324 Wait, his birthday was yesterday! 506 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,091 Yeah, but a bunch of us were up at the conference 507 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,360 in Montreal, so we thought... 508 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,795 No! No birthday! No! 509 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:23,563 I got something to say 510 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,164 and I'm gonna get it out. 511 00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,033 Hammond, listen to me. 512 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,368 I am sorry that your dog died, 513 00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,337 and that your wife is divorcing you and that... 514 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:34,341 your life is falling apart and that these guys missed your birthday. 515 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,542 And there is no easy way to say... 516 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:36,743 What are you doing? What's going on? 517 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,911 (gasping): Oh, God... 518 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,913 Oh, come on, you're not going to pull that, are you? 519 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,217 Oh! Look, yeah, right. 520 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,386 Now we're falling onto the ground. 521 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:49,356 Well, nice try, but guess what? 522 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,291 You're fired! 523 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:54,361 You're fired-- you get it? You hear me? 524 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,928 You're gone! You're fired! 525 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,802 (staff applauding) 526 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,449 In my defense, I think we all suspected Hammond 527 00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,451 might have been faking. 528 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,689 On the plus side, the EMTs seem to think 529 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,057 he's going to be just fine and, as you saw, 530 00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:28,160 they did admit that I did not cause the heart attack, 531 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,163 even if they said it a bit begrudgingly. 532 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,734 And there it was, rock bottom: 533 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,503 They all hated me. 534 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,905 But just when all seemed lost, 535 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,841 I had the greatest idea of my entire career. 536 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:48,348 Margarita Fridays-- great idea, boss. 537 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:49,849 (everyone cheering) 538 00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,294 Okay, it's done. 539 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:02,462 I'm gonna 540 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,030 step out, so you can admire it. 541 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,599 Thank you very much, Lily. 542 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,237 Marshall, do you have the money? 543 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,171 Yeah. 544 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,440 Let's get out of here! 545 00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,574 BARNEY (distant): A smooth area?! 546 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:17,677 You gave me the Ken doll?! 547 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,012 You gave...! 548 00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,350 She left out Little Barney. 549 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,853 Barnacle Junior. 550 00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:30,022 My Barnana is... 551 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:32,359 Barnito Supreme.