1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:05,273 TED: Kids, Christmas is a time you spend with your family. 2 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,441 So in December of 2006, I had three options. 3 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,644 Spend it with my mom and her new boyfriend Clint, 4 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:14,582 spend it with my dad and his new girlfriend micro-brewing, 5 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,650 or head down to Staten Island to spend it 6 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,620 with my super religious cousin Stacy. 7 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,589 So I opted for none of the above 8 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,592 and decided to spend Christmas 2006 9 00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,494 in Manhattan... 10 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,130 celebrating with my other family. 11 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:34,868 Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.m. today, 12 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:37,105 so until then, I will be at the law library at school, 13 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,872 but I'm not to be disturbed for any reason. 14 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,007 Dude, open your eyes. 15 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,375 You're going to hurt yourself. 16 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,343 No, no. 17 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,011 Christmas Eve winter wonderland is my reward 18 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,513 for finishing my paper. 19 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:46,780 Oh. 20 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,816 Baby, do I smell your Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies? 21 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,218 Yes. 22 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,520 Damn me and my heightened other senses. 23 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,122 Must be strong. 24 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,157 Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. 25 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,025 Save me at least 20 cookies 26 00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,527 and do not clean the bowl. 27 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,831 Was that a reindeer? 28 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,133 I don't want to know! 29 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,971 Hey, look. 30 00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,073 Our old answering machine. Oh, yeah. 31 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,742 After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it 32 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:15,776 because it reminded Marshall 33 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,811 of how you used to, you know, leave messages. 34 00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,313 But hey, 35 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,481 you guys are back together. 36 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,984 I say we're plugging it back in. 37 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,219 (grunts) 38 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,687 It's good to have you back. 39 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:27,921 Thanks. 40 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,791 Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here. 41 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,261 MR. MOSBY: Hey Ted, it's Dad calling to check in. 42 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,496 I'm going fishing this weekend with my friend Clint, 43 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,231 so if I don't hear from you beforehand, 44 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,500 I'll talk to you next week. 45 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,734 Yes, same Clint. 46 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,936 TED (on machine): Hey, Marshall. 47 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,538 Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? 48 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,774 You are, aren't you? Oh... 49 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,808 Well, stop it. 50 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,076 She's not worth it. 51 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,979 You gotta get over that Grinch. 52 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,614 But I didn't say "Grinch." 53 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,216 I said a bad word. 54 00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,718 A very, very bad word. 55 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,855 Oh, fudge. 56 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,192 But I didn't say fudge. 57 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:19,740 I'm... 58 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,742 a what? 59 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,043 I-- 60 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,645 That was Barney, that was Barney. 61 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,047 That was you, Ted. That was Marshall. 62 00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,449 Marshall left a message for Marshall? 63 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:33,287 You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. 64 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,723 Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice. 65 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,958 You know, it almost made it sound like I said... 66 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,860 Why would you call me that? 67 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,662 It was a fair question. 68 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:43,464 Marshall's breakup with Lily had sent him 69 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,865 into a deep depression 70 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,834 and nothing could get him out of it. (moans) 71 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:47,935 Until one day... 72 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,803 She was perfect. 73 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,606 I lost the perfect woman. 74 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,743 I should have knocked her up when I had the chance. 75 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:56,777 Okay. 76 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,412 That's it. 77 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,113 You're never going to get over her 78 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,615 until you stop putting her on a pedestal. 79 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,517 So no more ice cream until you tell me 80 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,918 one thing that's wrong with Lily. 81 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:07,888 There's only one of her? 82 00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,423 Okay. 83 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,059 She called off your wedding and dumped you 84 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,761 to be a painter in San Francisco. 85 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,862 What do you call that? 86 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:17,765 Fiercely independent? Uh-uh. 87 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,667 Brave? 88 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,937 I guess it was a little selfish. 89 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,373 There you go. 90 00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,641 And in almost no time, 91 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,511 that spark turned into a roaring fire. 92 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,080 Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything. 93 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,615 She'd give it up for a bad pun. 94 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,384 I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut. 95 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,419 Remember that time we heard her laughing 96 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:40,220 and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, 97 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,823 but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's 2? 98 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,092 And her art? 99 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,027 "I'm Lily, I'm an artist." 100 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,762 She doesn't even own a beret. 101 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,332 Yeah, and if she's such a great "artist," 102 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,267 why does she suck at Pictionary? 103 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,469 Who draws a ninja star like a Star of David? 104 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,738 Come on, come on. Right, right? Yeah! 105 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,506 Another round! 106 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,007 (laughing): Yeah! 107 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,141 I was trying to help him. 108 00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,209 I'm his best friend. 109 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,445 That's the best friend's job. 110 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:07,080 The best friend's job is to call me that word? 111 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,450 Yeah. 112 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:11,752 Oh, Ted. 113 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,321 Oh, Teddy boy. 114 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:14,488 Why is this such a big deal? 115 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,956 It's just a word. 116 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,558 We use lots of words, every day. 117 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,993 It shouldn't be any different than any other word. 118 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,261 Then why don't you say it now? 119 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,863 Grinch. 120 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,000 You timed that didn't you? 121 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,135 Perfectly. 122 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,538 Well, at least you apologized. 123 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:32,973 You apologized, didn't you? 124 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,107 Oh, yeah. 125 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:37,144 "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth. 126 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,279 I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. 127 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,482 I was just trying to put the guy back together. 128 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,950 You smashed him to pieces. 129 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:45,786 Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that...? 130 00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:46,954 No! Why not? 131 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,055 Because, Lily, this summer, 132 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,089 you were kind of a Grinch. 133 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,558 BOTH: Oooh. 134 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,528 Oh, you'll be sorry, Ted Mosby. 135 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,665 Ted Vivian Mosby! 136 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,832 That's not my middle name. 137 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,801 You kiss your mother with that mouth? 138 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,470 Like you've never said that word. 139 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,605 I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. 140 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:05,639 Yet. 141 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:06,774 (sneezes) 142 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:08,642 Are you sick? 143 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,243 Is it sick to find maturity 144 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,244 and experience sexy? 145 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,346 No, I meant 146 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,447 do you have a cold? 147 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,815 I'm fine. 148 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,584 (blowing nose) 149 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:20,888 I'm fine. 150 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,456 My nose is just overflowing with awesome 151 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,324 and I had to get some of it out. 152 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:28,161 Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time when people 153 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,630 are lonely and desperate. 154 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,966 It's the most wonderful time of the year. 155 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,236 I should go apologize. 156 00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,505 It's Christmas Eve. 157 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:41,542 Yeah. I mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? 158 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:45,579 If I wanted that, I would have gone home for the holidays. 159 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,717 I don't see any mistletoe, but... 160 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:50,718 (sneezes) 161 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:55,623 Oh! Oh, God! 162 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,558 Uh... "Bless you" would have been nice. 163 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:00,994 You're sick. I'm not sick. 164 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,062 You're sick. 165 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,263 You know what? I am sick. 166 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,565 Sick of you telling me I'm sick. 167 00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,701 What up? (coughing) 168 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,843 Ahh... Three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. 169 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:16,844 Hey, buddy. 170 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,280 You sure this is gonna work? 171 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,449 Yeah, this is our thing. 172 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,950 In college, whenever I wanted to make up 173 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,718 with her, I'd buy her a beer. Cute, right? 174 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,754 Totally. Plus free mug. 175 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,659 Usually that would've done the trick, 176 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,627 but it turned out this was a problem 177 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:34,928 not even alcohol could solve. 178 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,739 Actually the beer helped a little. 179 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,079 She took the decorations. 180 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,081 She took the decorations! 181 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,282 What a Grinch! 182 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,451 That time I did say "Grinch." 183 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,586 All right. 184 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,488 I guess I have to call her, right? 185 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,290 Lily's cell phone. 186 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:06,894 She'll listen to reason-- right? 187 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,095 Oh, hey, Billy. 188 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:11,565 Actually, funny thing-- the voice dial got you. 189 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,567 I was trying to call... 190 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,637 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 191 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:20,841 Yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, Billy. 192 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,976 Okay, yeah, dinner next Wednesday. 193 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,345 Okay. 194 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,780 Damn voice dial. 195 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:30,884 Barney! 196 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,052 What the hell? 197 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:35,022 Get in here, it's freezing outside. 198 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,389 Are you insane? 199 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,091 Hey, blame Lily and her 200 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,928 oppressive "no cigars in the apartment rule." 201 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,996 God, it's like Marshall's marrying the Taliban. 202 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,097 (sneezes) 203 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,098 High five. 204 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,333 Eww. No. 205 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:50,037 You have to go home and get to bed. 206 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,373 Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, 207 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,876 let me tell you 208 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:59,112 about a little thing I like to call mind over body. 209 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,180 You see, 210 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,849 Whenever I start feeling sick, 211 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:06,019 I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. 212 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,187 True story. 213 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,223 Yeah, in two minutes, 214 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:14,762 I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, 215 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,064 play a couple of hours of laser tag, 216 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:21,334 maybe get a spray-on tan. 217 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,937 It's gonna be legen... 218 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,073 Wait for it... 219 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,741 (snoring softly) 220 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,143 Lily! 221 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,045 Merry Christmas, assface. 222 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,581 Um, Lily? 223 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,415 Where are the Christmas decorations? 224 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,651 At my apartment. 225 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:38,919 You want to bring them back 226 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,821 so we can celebrate Christmas together-- please? 227 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,123 Ted, do you know what I would do 228 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,225 if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? 229 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,561 I would be on the phone with their parents. 230 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,496 Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner. 231 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,564 Exactly. 232 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:51,699 You know what that word means. 233 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,400 You know that calling people names 234 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,536 is mean and hurtful... assface. 235 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,638 Lily, if you don't 236 00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,139 bring that stuff back right now, we... 237 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,809 She hung up. 238 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,611 She's just mad. She'll cool down. 239 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,344 Mm-hmm. (phone ringing) 240 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,813 Aha. 241 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,047 Lily... 242 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,515 Don't forget to take the cookies 243 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,417 out of the oven... assface! 244 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,085 Damn it! 245 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,054 I could be in Cleveland right now 246 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,356 making peppermint lager with my dad. 247 00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,691 Where are you going? 248 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,059 Marshall gets home in three hours. 249 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,596 He's gonna show up-- no Lily, no winter wonderland. 250 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:23,997 I gotta get up to the Bronx. 251 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,735 ...dary. 252 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,270 (phone ringing) 253 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,707 Hey, dude, how's the paper going? 254 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,242 Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? 255 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,276 Is it magical? 256 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,011 Oh... so magical. 257 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,980 When you walk through the door, does it feel 258 00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,615 like you've been slapped in the face by Christmas? 259 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,515 Sure does. 260 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,884 Look, I gotta go. 261 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,352 Come on, man, describe it! 262 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,519 Tell me about the decorations. 263 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,587 Is Rudolph there? 264 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:48,521 He is, isn't he? 265 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,357 Hi, Rudolph! 266 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,259 Ah, yeah, but, you know... 267 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,728 Decorations, is that really what Christmas is about? 268 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,463 Hell, yeah! What else would it be about? 269 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,666 Uh, try the birth of Christ. 270 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:02,636 You know, Christmas-- Christ Mas, 271 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,605 which means "More Christ" to our Spanish friends. 272 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,709 Yeah, well, all I know is walking in that door 273 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:11,444 and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing Lily 274 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,180 and all you guys, just... 275 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,447 I can't wait. 276 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,183 Right. I gotta go. 277 00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,517 Right. Okay. Oh, wait. 278 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:18,986 Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. One more thing. 279 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,688 How about the cookies? Are they delicious? 280 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:25,458 (shrieking) 281 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,095 You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. 282 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:29,830 Oh! I got another call. 283 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,165 Well, tell Lily I love her. 284 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,166 Right. 285 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,301 Hello? 286 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,303 Ted Evelyn Mosby! 287 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,637 Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. 288 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:38,839 Merry Christmas. 289 00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,975 I just got the most disturbing call from Lily. 290 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:45,512 How could you use such a horrible word? 291 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,280 Oh, God, she called you? 292 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,449 Are you acting out because of the divorce? 293 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,984 Is-is this all about Clint? 294 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,686 No, Mom, why would it be about Clint? 295 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,155 Hey, buddy, it's Clint. 296 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,656 How you doing, champ? 297 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,291 Hey, Clint. Listen, um, 298 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,393 Hey, hey, no, I don't really have time to... 299 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,261 no, no. Ted,Ted. 300 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,195 You don't know this yet, 301 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:05,032 but you and I are going to be great friends. 302 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,133 Now, 303 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,868 the Native Americans have this ritual... 304 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,140 (coughing) 305 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,810 (sighs) 306 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,146 This is a low moment for the Barnacle. 307 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,350 I should be off playing laser tag right now, 308 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,018 but instead... 309 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,587 Don't look at me. I'm hideous. 310 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:30,157 You just look like a regular guy. 311 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,258 Exactly. 312 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,325 I'm a Ted. 313 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,028 I'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants. 314 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,663 And isn't it more comfy? 315 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,832 Yes. 316 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,768 Come on, you need eat something. 317 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,804 Too weak... 318 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,406 to hold... bowl. 319 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,476 Fine, I'll feed you. 320 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,978 Mmm. 321 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,716 Ouchie in my mouth! 322 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,957 I don't want it. I want ice cream. 323 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,392 No, you're not having ice cream 324 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,693 for dinner just 'cause you're sick. 325 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,461 But my throat hurts. No. 326 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,562 I hate you! 327 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,731 Oh. Don't leave me. 328 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,203 (knock at door) 329 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,207 Who is it? 330 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,242 Pizza delivery. 331 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,480 Whoa. 332 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,216 Hey, you tricked me. 333 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,984 You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy? 334 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,186 No, I knew it was you. 335 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,688 I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza. 336 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,092 Yeah, well, I brought a beer, 337 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,461 but I gave it to a homeless guy. 338 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,897 All right, he took it from me. 339 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,899 Now, will you please come home? 340 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,601 No, I'm not spending Christmas with you. 341 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:53,273 Okay, I'm sorry for calling you a... that word, 342 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,108 over the summer, 343 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,977 and for saying it again today. 344 00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:59,112 And for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. 345 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,248 I had no right to say that. 346 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,515 It was hurtful 347 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,184 and immature and I'm sorry. 348 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,385 Oh, shut up. 349 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,854 You think I don't know 350 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,089 your fake apologies by now, Ted Mosby? 351 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:09,923 Huh? 352 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,892 You're clearly still mad at me. 353 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,994 I'm not mad at you. Yes, you are. 354 00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,496 I am not mad at you, Lily. Now, can we please just... 355 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,498 I've apologized to Marshall and he's forgiven me 356 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,667 and we've moved passed it. Why can't you? 357 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,336 Because you never apologized to me. 358 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,039 Marshall's not the only one you walked out on. 359 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,275 You leave for three months, you don't even call. 360 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,911 Come on, Lily, we're supposed to be friends! 361 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,913 Yeah, some friend, you called me a Grinch. 362 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:33,947 You were a Grinch! 363 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,815 How can you... Grinchy, 364 00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:39,519 grinch, grinch, grinch grinch, grinch, grinch. 365 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,089 Happy? 366 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,557 Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs. 367 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,593 Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I... 368 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,030 BIG GUY UPSTAIRS: You use that language again and I'll turn off your water! 369 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,099 That's my super. He lives above me. 370 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:52,933 Great. 371 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,301 Thanks to your filthy mouth, 372 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,469 now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark. 373 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,439 Fine. I don't want to ruin Christmas. 374 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,373 You can have the apartment. 375 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,875 Don't worry about seeing me there 376 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,610 I'll be in Staten Island with my cousin Stacy. 377 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,545 Just.... 378 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,282 Ow. 379 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,187 Merry Christmas. 380 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,657 You're spending Christmas Eve with your family? 381 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,427 Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry. 382 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,063 Uh, they're fine. They're just... they're a little weird. 383 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,265 You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. 384 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,534 And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name 385 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,236 when he wants to trick us. 386 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,704 Well, do you want me to go with you? 387 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:32,639 Was that a sincere offer? 388 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,474 First tell me your answer. 389 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,343 Stay there. Save yourself. 390 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,111 We'll spend all day together tomorrow. 391 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:38,912 Okay. 392 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,147 Oh, how's Barney feeling? 393 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,715 You mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? 394 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:46,586 He was bugging me, so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine. 395 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,323 You're gonna be a great mom. 396 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,891 Mm-hmm. 397 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:59,466 Holy crap, the magical Christmas season is upon us. 398 00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,769 And thank God we don't pay for utilities. 399 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:06,473 Merry Christmas! What's in the box? 400 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,442 Only the best Christmas present for the best girl ever. 401 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,411 It took me all day to track it down. 402 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,613 I thought you were writing a paper. 403 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,781 Ah, naw, I blew that off. 404 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,216 I'll get an extension. School's not important. 405 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:20,253 What is that pitter patter on the roof? 406 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,191 Could it be the sound of an awesome Christmas story 407 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,758 about to come down the chimney? 408 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,161 Why, yes, it is. 409 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:31,031 'Twas the day before Christmas... 410 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,033 It was supposed to arrive, like, five days ago, 411 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,968 but then it got lost and rerouted. 412 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,003 I checked two other branches, 413 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,437 finally they told me it was here. 414 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,939 Yeah, all I needed to know was the tracking number. 415 00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,309 Looks like it's headed out 416 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,177 to our regional branch in Poughkeepsie. 417 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:45,478 What? 418 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,648 No, no, no, no, I need that package today. 419 00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:50,550 Listen, the truck already left five minutes ago, 420 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:53,186 so unless you want to run after it... 421 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,922 Stop! 422 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,624 Stop! 423 00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,592 Stop, please, stop. 424 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,395 Stop the truck. 425 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,234 (panting): I need a package on your truck. 426 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,335 Can I please take a look in back? 427 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,837 Sure. But I gotta keep driving my route. 428 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,172 I'm running behind. 429 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,775 (screeching) 430 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,278 Whoa. 431 00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,546 WPD DRIVER: My bad. 432 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,581 I'm okay. 433 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,285 Hey, man, 434 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,520 thanks for helping me make my fiancée's Christmas. 435 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,621 No problem. 436 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,690 Too bad I can't deliver all these packages 437 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,159 by the end of the day. 438 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,827 Wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts 439 00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,463 in time for Christmas? 440 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,598 Sadly, no. 441 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:52,679 * They call me back door Santa * 442 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:57,117 * I make my runs about the break of day * 443 00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:03,022 * They call me back door Santa * 444 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:06,559 * I make my runs about the break of day * 445 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,594 * Oh, ho, ho * 446 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:11,398 * I make all the little girls happy... * 447 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,866 We delivered every single package on that truck. 448 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,135 Oh. 449 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,569 But I still have one package left to give. 450 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:17,370 Mmm. 451 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,037 Yeah, I did. 452 00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,172 (giggles) 453 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,208 Merry Christmas. 454 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,810 Open it, Baby. Okay. 455 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,078 Ah. 456 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,147 Oh, my God. 457 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,882 An Easy Bake Oven! 458 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,785 I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. 459 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,521 In this exact model. 460 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,225 I never told you that. How did you know? 461 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,361 It's our first Christmas since we got back together. 462 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,163 I want to get her something really special. 463 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,764 So I'm getting her a jukebox. 464 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,866 Wow, that's a great gift. 465 00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:50,237 Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum. 466 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:54,107 Oh, man, I know something you could get her 467 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,343 that would blow her mind. 468 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,645 Ready? 469 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,113 Eight years ago... 470 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,315 (reggae playing) 471 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:06,353 When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. 472 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,189 I begged and I begged, but all I got 473 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,923 was a stupid Lego set 474 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,693 because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming 475 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,562 to traditional gender roles. 476 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:20,700 Easy Bake Oven-- that's what I'm going to call my van. 477 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,138 Dude... 478 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,839 how was the concert? 479 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,911 I couldn't find the outside. 480 00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:34,113 (laughing) 481 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:39,085 I can't believe Ted remembered after all these years. 482 00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:41,321 Yeah, and after all that weed. 483 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,690 Where is he anyway? 484 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,758 Staten Island. 485 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,660 Why? 486 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,968 Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents. 487 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,970 Like the gift of God's love? 488 00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,672 No, dude, real presents. 489 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,142 Uncle Ted got us presents! 490 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:07,680 That's okay, Ted, we'll just give them to charity. 491 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:08,915 Yay! 492 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,283 Uh, not you, Charity. 493 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,352 I meant the less fortunate. 494 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,088 Ted, how would you like to say grace tonight? 495 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,058 Uh, you know what, why don't you say it. 496 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,727 I really wouldn't know what to say. 497 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,095 Why don't you recite your favorite passage of scripture. 498 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,532 That's a great idea, Charity. 499 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,367 But, really, I don't know. 500 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,836 I mean how do you choose your favorite passage? 501 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,003 It's the Bible; 502 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,840 there's so many... great ones... 503 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,742 That one from Pulp Fiction's pretty cool. 504 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,411 (doorbell ringing) Ooh, I'll get it. Charity, I'm tapping you in. 505 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,381 Dear, Father, thank you for this day, 506 00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:44,150 and thank you for bringing this family together. 507 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,652 Amen. 508 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:46,719 Who is it, Ted? 509 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:51,724 Uh, it's... it's just, um, carolers. 510 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,498 * Silent night * 511 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:02,302 ALL: * Holy night... * 512 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:06,306 I came here to apologize. 513 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,440 I'm so sorry, Ted. 514 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,208 I accept. Give me the beer. 515 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:16,048 Mm, oh, it is so good to see you guys. 516 00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:17,550 Are you coming home? 517 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:20,320 Totally. 518 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,689 But first, Lily, I owe you an apology. 519 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:26,693 Oh, for the love of God, are you as sick of apologies as I am? Yes! 520 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,929 Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? Yes. 521 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:34,701 And I promise, I will never ever call you a... you know, again. 522 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,002 That's okay. 523 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,504 I was kind of a Grinch. 524 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,406 What's a Grinch? 525 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,476 Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say. 526 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:46,245 Mom, what's a Grinch? 527 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,448 Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 528 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,482 (kids chanting): Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 529 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,951 ...Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 530 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,553 ...Grinch, Grinch, Grinch... 531 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,155 ...Grinch, Grinch... Merry Christmas, everybody. 532 00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,725 Run, run. 533 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,878 Merry Christmas, Marshall.