1 00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:03,737 TED: Kids, you know that photo in the den? 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,507 It was taken back in 2006, when Grandma and Grandpa 3 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,077 came to visit me and we all went out to brunch. 4 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,511 We all look pretty happy, right? 5 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:11,479 (camera shutter clicking) Wrong. 6 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,281 I wish your face would melt off. 7 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,815 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 8 00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:17,051 I hate you. I hate you more. 9 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,086 I'm going to kill him. 10 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,420 I can't say I blame you. 11 00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,622 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 12 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,124 I don't care how unpleasant it is. 13 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,925 You have to talk to him. Not now. 14 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:25,926 Okay, if you don't, I will. 15 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,695 Robin... 16 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,930 Okay, for any of this to make sense, 17 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,600 you got to understand, there are three parts to this story. 18 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,768 Let's start with the Marshall and Lily part. 19 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,706 As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown 20 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,574 my parents to New York for the weekend. 21 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,177 Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin Jimmy 22 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,613 had a wonderful time at that spa he visited. 23 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,248 You mean the spa the judge ordered him 24 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,582 to go to to quit cocaine? 25 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,284 Coffee? 26 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,753 Now, Grandma and Grandpa didn't like to talk 27 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,089 about things that were uncomfortable, emotional, 28 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,192 or in any way... real. 29 00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,160 Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. 30 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,595 Oh, Lily! Hi, Marshall. 31 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,696 Good to see you. 32 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:03,931 I was just stopping by 33 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,733 to pick up some of my things. 34 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,636 Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... 35 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,571 you know, the, the... 36 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,242 Well... 37 00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,244 Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me? 38 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,113 Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me? 39 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,814 I love your hair. 40 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,366 TED: This was only the second time Marshall and Lily 41 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,268 had seen each other since breaking up, 42 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,170 but to their credit, it wasn't that awkward. 43 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,337 Actually, we're cool. 44 00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,938 We just divided up CDs. 45 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,840 It was all very civil. 46 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,509 I'm proud of us; we're, we're good. 47 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:49,910 MRS. MOSBY: Well, we were all 48 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,246 going to go to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00. 49 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,847 Lily, would you like to join us? 50 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,016 Um... 51 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,218 What? 52 00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,019 Well, I-I don't want to go 53 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,189 if it would make you uncomfortable. 54 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,856 Why would it? 55 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:06,260 Well, I mean, yeah, we're... we're good, 56 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:10,531 but you got to admit there's that stuff between us. 57 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,266 Um, not for me. 58 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,134 Now it's just like we're friends. 59 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:16,770 It's like we're brother and sister. 60 00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,774 "Brother and sister"?! 61 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:22,710 Okay. 62 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,246 Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. 63 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,185 See? Not awkward at all. 64 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,187 LILY: Hello, everyone. Hi. Hi. 65 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,255 Hello, Marshall. 66 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,889 MRS. MOSBY: Lily, that is 67 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,090 a stunning dress. 68 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,526 Oh, thanks. 69 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,160 It's kind of revealing, 70 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,963 but I thought, "Hey, we're all family." 71 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,198 (chuckling): Right, bro? 72 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,099 Ooh. Ow. 73 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,235 What's wrong? 74 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,903 Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. 75 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,440 The instructor told me to just take deep breaths 76 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,175 to get through the pain, just... 77 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,714 (whimpers) 78 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,850 Are you all right? 79 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,852 You're kind of sweating. 80 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,354 No, I'm fine. 81 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,790 It's just... this roll is really spicy. 82 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,059 Lily is evil! 83 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,362 She just wore that dress to torture me. 84 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,129 Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. 85 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,666 See, at brunch, I'm going to torture Lily right back. 86 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,234 Yeah. 87 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,237 There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too. 88 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,873 Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch. 89 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,208 No, not that. 90 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,978 I'm going to unleash my calves. 91 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,382 That's crazy. 92 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,250 Nobody's turned on by men's calves. 93 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,952 They're a thoroughly unerotic body part. 94 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,254 Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, 95 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,456 if I had those skinny little chicken legs. 96 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,827 I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology. 97 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:51,265 So Marshall showed up at brunch with a plan. 98 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,466 Hello. Oh, hi. 99 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,167 Hey, Marshall. Hey. 100 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,769 Hey. How are you feeling? 101 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,671 You looked kind of feverish last night. 102 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,873 Oh, no, I actually feel great. 103 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,411 It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it? 104 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,913 Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... 105 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,114 What are you doing? 106 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,049 Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. 107 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:12,620 I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. 108 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,593 Oh. 109 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,928 Oh, yes. 110 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,565 I've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... 111 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,935 my calves have really been cramping up. 112 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:32,005 (sultry music playing) 113 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,478 (both moaning) 114 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,112 Take off your dress. 115 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,348 Take off the rest of your pants. 116 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,716 Oh. Oh. 117 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,117 I really wasn't expecting that to happen. 118 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,719 Yeah, me neither. 119 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,888 It kind of complicates things, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. 120 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,724 Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? 121 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,793 You know you have a punter's leg. 122 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,329 Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? 123 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,298 You know you have... boobs. 124 00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:01,535 Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me. 125 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,504 Seduce you? You seduced me. 126 00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,574 You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off. 127 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,275 You went to San Francisco for three months. 128 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,977 How is that seducing you? 129 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,745 Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it. 130 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,515 All right, that's it-- I want TheBeatles Anthology. 131 00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,749 Oh, well, that's too bad; I'm keeping it. 132 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,585 And you know the U2 box set I gave you? 133 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,720 Look inside-- all Dave Matthews. 134 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,121 You are evil. 135 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,523 Smile. 136 00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:25,726 I'm going to kill him. 137 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,461 I can't say I blame you. 138 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,830 No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him. 139 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:33,934 Now let's talk about the Barney part of the story. 140 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,105 This was going to be Robin's first time meeting my parents, 141 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,574 so we were both a little nervous. (knocking) 142 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,544 (scoffs) Barney, what are you doing here? 143 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,212 Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. 144 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,080 They must be dying to meet me after all 145 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,082 the legendary Barney stories you've told them. 146 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,452 I haven't told them any legendary Barney stories. What? 147 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,487 Barney, here is a list of all the things 148 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:57,725 I talk with my dad about: baseball. 149 00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,360 But I'm your best friend. 150 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,529 Well, actually Marshall's my... 151 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,096 I'm the most important person in your life. 152 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,265 Well, Robin's actually... BARNEY: How could your parents 153 00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,434 not know about me? 154 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,768 I'm delightful. 155 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:11,705 To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. 156 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,474 I mean, come on, you're not exactly 157 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,743 the kind of friend parents want their kid to have. 158 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,244 Oh, really? 159 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,647 Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing 160 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,549 you're most wrong about today. 161 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,283 (knock at door) 162 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,352 Um... 163 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,319 Hey, Mom. 164 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,921 Hey, Dad. MR. MOSBY: Ted. 165 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,189 I know you've all been excited to meet... 166 00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,624 Barney Stinson. 167 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,293 An honor to meet the two of you. 168 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,796 That needlepoint "Bless This Mess" pillow you made for Ted-- 169 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:36,830 what a stitch. 170 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,899 Stitch! Did that just happen? 171 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,069 Uh, Mom, Dad, 172 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,003 this is my girlfriend, Robin. 173 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:43,904 Hello. ROBIN: Hello. 174 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,138 MRS. MOSBY: Oh, it's wonderful 175 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,239 to meet you, Robin. 176 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,641 Oh, you are so pretty. 177 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:48,942 Isn't she pretty, Al? 178 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,277 A real looker. 179 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,913 That's funny, I didn't even "look" in the mirror today. 180 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,750 That's not anything, is it? 181 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,555 So, I made a reservation at San Marino tonight for 8:00. 182 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,257 (laughing): San Marino. 183 00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,226 Oh, you're serious? Yikes. 184 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,562 No. We have to try Casa A Pezzi. 185 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,398 Best salmon risotto I have ever had. 186 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:12,966 I love salmon risotto. 187 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,201 I know. 188 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:18,105 How are we supposed to get a table at Casa A Pezzi? 189 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,106 They're booked for weeks. 190 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,273 Well, lucky for you, 191 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,109 I happen to know the head waitress, 192 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,243 which is ironic because... 193 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,411 (muttering urgently) 194 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,214 Ironic because we both work 195 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,717 at a homeless shelter where I serve the food. 196 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,518 Ah... 197 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,687 Where do you volunteer, Robin? 198 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,222 What's the matter with you? 199 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,691 I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. 200 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,527 Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass. 201 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,729 Robin, I'm his best friend. 202 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,930 That's a commitment. 203 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,499 Girlfriend, that's like a bad flu. 204 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,768 Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. 205 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,002 (chuckling): High five. 206 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:50,704 Can I help? 207 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,873 Yes, you can, Virginia. 208 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,575 There's a story behind that broach, 209 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:55,676 and I'm going to hear it. 210 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,611 Well, funny you should ask. 211 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,680 (playing emotive classical piece) 212 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,753 MR. MOSBY: Whoa! Bravo, Barney. 213 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,556 That is my all-time favorite sonata. 214 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,223 Barney, you are just delightful. 215 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,326 No, Virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. 216 00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:14,795 And he's just Ted. 217 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,196 I'm really not planning these things; 218 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,631 they just keep happening. 219 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:18,899 (laughter) Whoops. 220 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,602 I think I dropped an ice cube down here. 221 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,671 Ow, it's so cold. 222 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,839 All right, that's it, I'm out of here. 223 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,577 In a minute. 224 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,579 Anyone up for a drink at MacLaren's? 225 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,681 No, I'm kind of tired. Me, too. 226 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:34,948 Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want... 227 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,885 I feel like I could knock back a few cervezas. 228 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,286 Cervezas? 229 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,487 Did he fall? 230 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,822 I'd join you, too, 231 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:45,125 but I want to get up early for Mass tomorrow. 232 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,295 St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m., it's my favorite service. 233 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:52,499 Wait a minute-- you're able to cross the threshold of a church? 234 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,167 I'll save you a seat. 235 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,469 Oh, you are just terrific. 236 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,138 Isn't he, Susan? 237 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,373 Robin. 238 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,643 Susan, her name is Virginia. 239 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,448 Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now. 240 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,883 Why? 241 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,552 Last night, we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right? 242 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,589 So Barney darts back into the burning house, 243 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,524 lifts up the refrigerator I'm pinned under 244 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,026 and pulls me to safety. 245 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,929 Whoa. You're like a hero. 246 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,097 Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy. 247 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,465 You know who is a hero? 248 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,636 My Dalmatian, Smokey. 249 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:33,373 He... didn't... make it out. 250 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,677 (sobbing): I'm sorry. 251 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,847 You poor, brave man. 252 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,515 Why don't you give the guy a hug? 253 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,818 I'm... oh. 254 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,123 My dad was your wingman? 255 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,126 This is really messing with my head. 256 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,095 Barney, is my dad cool? 257 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,730 I'm not done. 258 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,466 So, your dad stays to finish his drink, but I take off 259 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,469 because I have to be up early for Mass with your mom. 260 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,171 Sure. 261 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,640 Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, 262 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,041 so I come back... 263 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,613 (whispers): Oh, my God... 264 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,949 Mmm... 265 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,687 Oh, my God. 266 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,422 Is that really... 267 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,357 Oh, my God! 268 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:25,826 I know. 269 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,962 Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that? 270 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,905 My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? 271 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,306 He cheated on my mom? 272 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,507 No, that's impossible. 273 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,911 Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people 274 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,814 married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side. 275 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,548 Do you know that when you make up 276 00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,750 a statistic, you always use "83%"? 277 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,719 You think I'm lying. 278 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,221 Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? 279 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,555 Because the good people at 280 00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:59,760 www.swingers.open-marriage-is natural\legalize-polygamy.org 281 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,695 have, and they beg to differ. 282 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,196 That's not a real Web site. 283 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,432 Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real T-shirt 284 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,566 for running in their 10K. 285 00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,101 (knock at door) 286 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,205 Hi, Dad. Hey, Ted. 287 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,206 Barney. 288 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,474 TED: Enjoying your vacation so far? 289 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,076 Oh, yeah. 290 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,211 Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec? 291 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,279 Sure. 292 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,318 So you went out with Barney last night? 293 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,586 Yeah. 294 00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:27,888 You have a good time? 295 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,857 Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry you couldn't join us. 296 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,661 Yeah. 297 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,396 So... 298 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,131 What? 299 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,734 Well... 300 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,702 Well what? 301 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,407 You think Cerrano's got a shot at the RBI title? 302 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,011 I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. 303 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,746 I guess I got the let's-not-talk-about- 304 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,114 anything- uncomfortable gene. 305 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,916 Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, 306 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,017 that's for sure. 307 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,485 Smile. 308 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,820 Great. 309 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,855 I don't care how unpleasant it is. 310 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,256 You have to talk to him. 311 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,191 Not now. 312 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,692 Okay, if you don't, I will. 313 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:06,927 Robin...! 314 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:09,529 TED: Okay, now I got to back up 315 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,898 all the way to the beginning 316 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,333 to tell you the me and Robin part of the story. 317 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,570 We were expecting my parents at any minute. 318 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,072 One last thing about my mom. 319 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,673 She grills every single one of 320 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,010 my girlfriends about when we're gonna get married and have kids. 321 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,945 But this is the first time she's meeting me. 322 00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:25,913 Doesn't matter. 323 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,380 And you'll know it's coming 324 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,183 when she mentions my cousin Stacy-- six kids in five years. 325 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,119 The woman's basically a ride at a water park. 326 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,989 But I don't want to get married and have kids. 327 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,590 What am I supposed to say? 328 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,326 You know what? 329 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,494 You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. 330 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,463 You shouldn't have to apologize for them. 331 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,765 I'm gonna lie. I would. 332 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,767 Thanks again for letting me have 333 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,202 the U2 box set. 334 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,504 I know how important it is to you. 335 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,107 I talked to Aunt Caroline the other day. 336 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,443 Stacy's pregnant again. 337 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,312 Oh, good for her. 338 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,547 So, dear... 339 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,916 Oh, boy. Tell us what it's like being a journalist. 340 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,284 I'm just not ready. 341 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,453 Okay. No pressure. 342 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,988 Oh. 343 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,523 Uh, I thought you, um... 344 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,624 It's great. 345 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,792 Good. 346 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:13,961 Focus on your job now, 347 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,129 because your career clock is ticking. 348 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,865 There's time for marriage and kids 349 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,867 and all that other stuff later. 350 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,003 Ooh, a piano! 351 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,006 TED: You lucked out with 352 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,374 my mom last night, huh? 353 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,842 What a relief, right? 354 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,577 Oh, absolutely. Whew, what a relief it is 355 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,845 to know I'm the one girlfriend 356 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,613 your mom doesn't want you to have kids with. 357 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,483 Hooray? 358 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,019 I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend 359 00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:41,221 Cheryl would pop out attractive children? 360 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,256 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, 361 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,425 that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman. 362 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,495 Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. 363 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,730 And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. 364 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,900 It was her... It's not important. 365 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,137 What happened to Marshall and Lily? 366 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,405 They've been fighting lately. 367 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,540 They're probably off somewhere going at it. 368 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,009 More coffee? 369 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,912 Oh, no, thank you. 370 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,813 Isn't she sweet? 371 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,716 Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have Ted's babies. 372 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,319 Excuse me? 373 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,321 Nothing. 374 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,894 LILY: Just a minute. 375 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,362 MARSHALL: Maybe less. 376 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,997 Robin, dear. 377 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,966 Did I say something to upset you? 378 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,767 Why don't you want me to have your grandkids? 379 00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,670 Do you want to have my grandkids? 380 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,905 No! 381 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,606 I mean, I don't know. 382 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:34,607 I just... 383 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,909 I want you to want me 384 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,044 to want to have your grandkids. 385 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,111 And you should. 386 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,579 I'm a genetic gold mine. 387 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,548 No family history of diabetes 388 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:42,682 or heart disease. 389 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,585 Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. 390 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,021 I had one schizophrenic uncle, 391 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,257 but even he had perfect vision. 392 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,259 Which was unfortunate for the people around 393 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,028 the bell tower he was in, but still he was 394 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,629 a very fine man, and... 395 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:57,897 Excuse me. Sorry. 396 00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,466 Didn't know that there was a line. 397 00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,568 Marshall, your zipper. 398 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,635 Oh. 399 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,679 Robin, it's not that I don't want grandkids. 400 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,148 It's just I don't think anyone should make the mistake 401 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,017 of getting married too young. 402 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,185 Why do you say that? 403 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,786 I mean, you got married pretty young. 404 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,021 That wasn't a mistake. 405 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,890 Was it? 406 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,026 (whispers): Well... 407 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,760 Okay, there's something you don't know. 408 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,829 WAITRESS: Smile. 409 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,464 I wish your face would melt off. 410 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,932 I wish your eyeballs would explode. 411 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,001 I'm gonna kill him. 412 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,068 I don't care how unpleasant it is, 413 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,303 you have to talk to him. 414 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,971 Not now. Okay, if you don't, I will. 415 00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,207 Robin...! 416 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,742 Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart. 417 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,411 Sweetheart? 418 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,812 Sweetheart?! 419 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,047 The only sweetheart in your life 420 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,281 should be the woman you married 30 years ago, 421 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,983 not the waitress at the bar last night 422 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,284 and not this clumsy floozy! 423 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,453 I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. 424 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,188 I'm upset, I don't know what I'm saying. 425 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,590 But stay away from my dad. 426 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,693 Ted, what are you talking about? 427 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,095 Dad? 428 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,964 You, uh, want to tell Mom 429 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,666 what happened at the bar last night? 430 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,071 Okay. 431 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,140 I hooked up with a waitress. 432 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,375 Oh. 433 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,943 Oh? 434 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,745 I mean, oh! 435 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,981 Oh! Ooh! 436 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:23,350 We're going to have a serious talk 437 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,951 about this when we get home, Al. 438 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,486 Oh, ooh! 439 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,421 Serious talk? 440 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,289 Mom, what...? 441 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,757 He was kissing another woman. 442 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,691 Don't you care? 443 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,226 Mrs. Mosby? 444 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,931 Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this... 445 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,468 Your mother and I are divorced. 446 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,006 You... 447 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,041 What do you mean you're divorced? 448 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,309 Since when? 449 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,045 Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now. 450 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,613 Closer to ten, I think. 451 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,382 Time flies. (chuckles) 452 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,118 So ten months ago, you just up and decided 453 00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,819 to get divorced without telling me? 454 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,488 No, it wasn't a snap decision. 455 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,690 We'd been separated almost two years. 456 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,625 How could you not tell me this?! 457 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,062 We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time. 458 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,331 So last Christmas...? 459 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,366 We talked about telling you kids then, 460 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,335 but it didn't seem very Christmasy. 461 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:18,205 I got you a tandem bike. 462 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,406 Oh, it didn't go to waste. 463 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,108 Your mother and Frank ride it all the time. 464 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,875 Who the hell is Frank?! 465 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,744 (chuckling): Oh, great guy. 466 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,379 I actually set them up. 467 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,847 You remember Dr. Muchnik. 468 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,316 He did your braces. 469 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:34,487 Okay, my head's about to explode, 470 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,889 and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, 471 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,525 so I am leaving. 472 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,260 Teddy bear, oh... 473 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:47,134 You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. 474 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,501 I totally spaced on that. 475 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,539 Ooh, no line at the omelet station. 476 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,447 Lily... 477 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,516 I'm sorry that I said all those things. 478 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,352 Me, too. 479 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,056 I just find it really confusing to be around you right now. 480 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,291 It's the same for me. 481 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,527 I think we're probably both better off 482 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,963 trying to keep some distance for a while. 483 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,266 Yeah, I think you're right. 484 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,841 Are you wearing a push-up bra? 485 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,243 Did you Mystic Tan your calves? 486 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,079 I withdraw the question. 487 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,949 We're sorry we didn't say anything about the divorce. 488 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,618 It was wrong not to tell you. 489 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,620 Thank you. 490 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,054 But listen, don't tell your sister. 491 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,323 It would just upset her. 492 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,326 No, this is ridiculous! 493 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:49,162 We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball. 494 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,598 Indians won today on a walk-off double. 495 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,100 Against the Red Sox? Boy, that's a big win. 496 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:55,268 No. No. No. 497 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,869 We're not gonna blow past this. 498 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:57,870 I mean, I don't even 499 00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,206 know who you people. 500 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,673 I don't even know how you met. 501 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,842 I never told you how I met your mother? 502 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:03,710 No. 503 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:04,944 Oh, great story. 504 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,679 At a bar. 505 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,816 That's it? 506 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,185 That's what passes for communication in our family? 507 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,286 Man, when I have kids, 508 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,388 and I tell them how I met their mother, 509 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,857 I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story. 510 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,329 I think it was an Irish bar. 511 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,832 I just, I don't... I don't understand. 512 00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:26,999 You seemed so happy. 513 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,167 When I was growing up, 514 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,869 you seemed so... 515 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,338 What happened? 516 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,906 We just realized we're very different people. 517 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,309 Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, 518 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,110 and I'm much more down to earth. 519 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,979 So? 520 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,248 Robin and I are like that. 521 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,315 That doesn't mean anything. 522 00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,183 I wanted kids. 523 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,286 And your mother... 524 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,388 also wanted kids. 525 00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:51,491 Robin and I have different views on families. 526 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,460 We're not about to break up because of it. 527 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,962 On some level, I always knew. 528 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,431 I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning. 529 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:01,734 But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in. 530 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,238 Huh. 531 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,440 Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, 532 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,276 it's only a matter of time before you realize 533 00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,543 you're not meant to be together. 534 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,514 But we love Robin. 535 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,848 MR. MOSBY: Absolutely. 536 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,084 Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. 537 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,720 Well, second highlight. 538 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,489 MRS. MOSBY: We'll see you inside. 539 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,491 Sorry. 540 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,196 Wow. 541 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,931 I know. 542 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,767 They love me! 543 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,703 (chuckles) 544 00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:42,375 We are definitely going to try and communicate more. 545 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,843 From now on, full disclosure. 546 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,046 Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. 547 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,281 By the way, how's Grandma? 548 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,450 She hasn't returned my last couple calls. 549 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,492 I'm gonna get some juice. 550 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,596 No. 551 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,300 No. 552 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,935 (chuckles) 553 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,604 You missed a great game last night. Real squeaker.