1 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,451 TED: Kids, life is a dark road. 2 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,687 You never really know what's up ahead. 3 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,556 One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride, 4 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:25,926 and then all of a sudden, you're 28. 5 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,795 And for the birthday boy, 6 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:28,996 lasagna. Thank you. 7 00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,365 Careful. The plate is very hot. 8 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,366 'Kay. 9 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,636 Oh, go on, touch it. 10 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:38,472 ( gasps ): Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate. 11 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,975 All right, so, Barney, are you doing this or what? 12 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,444 Oh, geez, Barney, don't do this. 13 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,613 I have to, it's my birthday present to Ted. 14 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,948 You don't have to. Please, it's going to be embarrassing 15 00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:50,484 and we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... 16 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,087 in addition to probably being kind of healthy. 17 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,555 Come on, Marshall, 18 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,091 it's the greatest pickup line of all time. 19 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,727 Barney. 20 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,295 Oy, gevalt. 21 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:02,630 Ah... 22 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:03,764 Happy birthday, Ted. 23 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,266 Whoo-hoo! 24 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,069 Uh, excuse me, has anyone ever told y... 25 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,538 Oh, my God. 26 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,106 What? Oh! 27 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,141 Call an ambulance! 28 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,575 What's going on? 29 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,177 Try not to speak. Here, sit down. 30 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,611 Just don't talk, don't talk. 31 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,148 Is she okay? I'm serious, call 911. 32 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,782 What's wrong? What's the matter? 33 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:22,883 Shh! Shh! Just don't move. 34 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,118 Don't move. Just try... 35 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,819 Here, have some water. Water! 36 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,456 Here, drink this. 37 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,258 Shh! Shh! 38 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,959 ROBIN: You know, the more I watch this, 39 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,294 the less convinced I am 40 00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:35,596 that it's the greatest pickup line of all time. 41 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,565 Wait for it. 42 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:38,632 28. 43 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,202 Two more till the big one, three-oh. 44 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,104 Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. 45 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,774 Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. 46 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,209 Which is a great story. 47 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,643 But I'll get to that later. 48 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,580 Still, you know, another year older. 49 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:53,814 Still single. 50 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,450 You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking? 51 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,752 Nope. I hit the snooze button. 52 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,222 And here come the paramedics. 53 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,056 Oh, thank God, you're here. 54 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,425 What is going on?! 55 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,059 I think there might be some internal bleeding. 56 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,461 Probably some fractures. 57 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,496 We got to get her to the hospital. 58 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,830 What are you talking about? 59 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,064 You've had a terrible fall. 60 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,200 No, I haven't. 61 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,301 Really? 'Cause I could swear 62 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,935 you fell straight out of heaven. 63 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,671 Angel... Bing! 64 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,774 ( under his breath ): Give him your number. 65 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,042 What? 66 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,577 ( aloud ): Give him your number. 67 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,646 What? ( louder ): Give him your number. 68 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,248 Come on, you're embarrassing me. 69 00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:29,183 ( chanting ): Give him your number. 70 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,485 What are you...? Come on. Give him your number. 71 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,954 They're not going to stop till you give me your number. 72 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,489 Give him your number. All right! 73 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,357 It works! 74 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,426 ( cheering ) 75 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:42,396 I cannot believe that she gave him her number. 76 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,698 Maybe she really does have a brain injury. 77 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,000 Thank you, everyone. 78 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,269 Thank you, everyone. It's been fun. 79 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,970 It's Wendy the waitress. Tip her well. 80 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,305 Thanks a lot, guys. 81 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,906 Troilus and Cressida. Neighborhood Playhouse. 82 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,175 Check them out, they're good, they're good. 83 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,145 I realize why I'm still single. 84 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,613 I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. 85 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,982 If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect. 86 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,351 Well, what's perfect? 87 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,486 It's not like I have a list. Oh, yes, you do. 88 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,587 Attractive, college-educated, 89 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,522 she wants two kids-- a boy and a girl... 90 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,957 That's not hard. I know at least... 91 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,292 I'm not done. She likes dogs, 92 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,561 Otis Redding, does the crossword. 93 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,296 She's into sports, but not so much so 94 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:18,065 that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. 95 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,434 And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies. 96 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,202 Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth. 97 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,037 Any Kim from any cool band, really. 98 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,439 Can't be too picky. 99 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,074 You're never going to find this girl. 100 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,777 Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. 101 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,513 I am done trying to plan the unplannable. 102 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,982 So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it? 103 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,018 That's the plan. 104 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:41,655 And little did I know, at that very moment, 105 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,991 fate-- in the form of a 600 gigahertz 106 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,993 superprocessing computer-- 107 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,396 was taking care of it. 108 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,098 ( beeping ) 109 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,900 ( groaning softly ) 110 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,568 Whoa, you're up early. 111 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,404 Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes. 112 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,505 Does Marshall know? 113 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,839 He's still sound asleep. 114 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:06,947 Awesome. 115 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,450 So awesome. 116 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,285 God! Best girl ever. 117 00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,720 Screw these pancakes, 118 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,088 I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up. 119 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,459 TED: Please don't do that. 120 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,027 Hey, is this milk any good? 121 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,196 ( retches, spits ) 122 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,799 Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday. 123 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,736 God, why didn't you throw it away? 124 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,304 LILY: I'm going shopping after work. 125 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,072 I'll pick up some milk. 126 00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,341 ( groans ): Oh...! 127 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:36,344 These pancakes are delightful. 128 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,615 What's wrong, baby? 129 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,884 This is the high point of my day. 130 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,218 It was true. 131 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,587 See, Marshall had always dreamed 132 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,756 of using his law degree to protect the environment. 133 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,491 But he needed money for the wedding, 134 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,926 so he'd been interning for two months at Barney's firm... 135 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,562 and he hated every minute of it. 136 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,797 Hey, Barney, I had some questions 137 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,632 about filling out these requisition forms. 138 00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,467 Binoculars. 139 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,868 Second pair on my desk. 140 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,003 I don't have time to be creepy, dude. 141 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,338 I have a lot of work to do. 142 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,773 Just take a look, will ya? 143 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,911 Okay, corner office. Top floor. 144 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,213 Check out that guy. 145 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,849 Name's Clark Butterfield. 146 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,185 He works over at Nicholson, Hewitt and West 147 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,987 and every morning, he orders a sandwich 148 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,121 from the deli downstairs. 149 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,356 So? 150 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,626 So guess what I did to that sandwich? 151 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,327 Here, I took a picture. 152 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,533 Oh! Sweet Lord. 153 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,970 And now I'm e-mailing said picture to him. 154 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,973 ( evil chuckling ) 155 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,216 Ooh! Duck! 156 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,851 That is sick! 157 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,623 Why would you do that? 158 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,758 Who knows? This feud goes so far back 159 00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,060 I can't remember who fired the first shot. You? 160 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:00,994 Totally. 161 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,432 Well, look, if you would just... 162 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,967 help me fill out these forms, that would be great. 163 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,169 What? 164 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,303 Butterfield is going to retaliate 165 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,005 within the next four hours. 166 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,373 That's been his pattern. 167 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,442 This is war, Eriksen. 168 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,776 I need you to clear your schedule, 169 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,377 call Lily, tell her you'll be home late. 170 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,012 This is stupid. 171 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,781 Stu... Come on, man, 172 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,551 I didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. 173 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:27,354 I recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant. 174 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,389 This is a job for me, Barney. 175 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,559 It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. 176 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,428 Now I'm sorry, but I have work to do. 177 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,229 ( typing ) 178 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,999 Tracy, could you come in here, please? 179 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,236 Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen 180 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,505 that I'm no longer speaking to him. 181 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,576 Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson 182 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,744 is no longer... I get it. Thank you, Tracy. 183 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,048 ( telephone rings ) 184 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:57,751 Hello? 185 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:01,789 Hello. May I speak with a Mr. Ted Mosby? 186 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:02,556 Speaking. 187 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,458 Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir? 188 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,960 Bob Rorschach over here at Love Solutions. 189 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,329 You signed up for our services about six months ago. 190 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,631 Uh, yeah. 191 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,432 You guys never found me a match. 192 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,767 Right. Well... 193 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,536 actually, that's why I'm calling. 194 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,370 We found her, sir. 195 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,773 We found your soul mate. 196 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,248 I don't understand. What happened to Ellen Pierce? 197 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,449 Doesn't she run this place? 198 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,619 Well, my firm bought out the company. 199 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,354 You know, we're a high-end meats and textiles conglomerate, 200 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,856 but the geniuses 201 00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:39,226 at corporate decided they wanted to diversify, so... 202 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,561 here I am. 203 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,996 So I'm in good hands. 204 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,364 You found me a match? 205 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,499 There she is. 206 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,100 Your soul mate. 207 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,468 That'll be 500 bucks. 208 00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,571 No way. The last time I did this, 209 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,105 the girl turned out to be engaged. 210 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,473 She's not engaged. 211 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,142 She's your soul mate. 212 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,376 Just read the file. 213 00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,812 ( sighs ) 214 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,615 So I read the file. 215 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,952 And by God, this woman was perfect. 216 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,055 She liked dogs, she spent her summers in North Carolina, 217 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,824 she played bass guitar, she did the Times crossword, 218 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,325 she played tennis, she liked old movies, 219 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,562 her favorite food was lasagna, her favorite book was 220 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,863 Love in the Time of Cholera, 221 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,631 her favorite singer was Otis Redding 222 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,233 and she wanted two kids-- a boy and a girl. 223 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,402 All right, fine. 224 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,771 Set it up. 225 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,906 You wanted to see me, 226 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,741 so I guess that means we're talking again? 227 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,342 Will you taste this latte for me? 228 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,878 I think they gave me decaf. 229 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,884 Tastes normal to me. 230 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,485 That's what I thought, too. 231 00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,220 Then I got this e-mail from Butterfield. 232 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,289 Oh, God! 233 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,792 It got me as well. 234 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,493 Well, then why did you have me drink it?! 235 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,261 Because now... 236 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,030 you're in. 237 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:51,732 MARSHALL: Okay. 238 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,333 Don't think I'm overlooking 239 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,336 the obvious fact that I should just be mad at you. 240 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,206 But Executive Mischief Consultant Marshall Eriksen 241 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,642 reporting for duty. 242 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,577 Let's make that bastard pay. 243 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,746 You think that we should brush our teeth first? 244 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,280 Yeah, it's probably a good idea. 245 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,450 So that night I had a blind date 246 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:11,919 with my perfect match. 247 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,254 I was so excited, I got there early. 248 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,756 But before it even started... 249 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,257 ( cell phone rings ) 250 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:19,793 Lily? 251 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,595 Hey, Ted, are you busy? 252 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,997 Um... yes. 253 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,199 Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. 254 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,736 Listen, could you take a cab out to Duchess County 255 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:32,039 and change a flat on Marshall's Fiero? 256 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,807 What? No. 257 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,275 Can't you just call Marshall? 258 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,410 Marshall can't know about this. 259 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,446 Look, Ted, it's dark, 260 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,014 I don't know how to change a tire, 261 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,816 and I've stumbled into the beginning 262 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,385 of a very scary campfire story. 263 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,519 Can you please hurry? 264 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,554 I can't, I'm waiting... 265 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,322 Oh, my God, is that a drifter 266 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,958 with a hook for a hand? 267 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,293 ( gasps ): No, drifter, no! 268 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,394 Come on, Lily. 269 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,496 But you see my point. 270 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:57,564 ( sighs ) 271 00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,132 All right, stay there. 272 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,134 I'm on my way. 273 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:11,812 TED: And, so, one $90 cab ride later, 274 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:15,148 I was in the middle of nowhere. 275 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,984 Oh, thank God. 276 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,419 I'm so sorry about this. 277 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,520 Did you get ahold of your date? 278 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,289 Yes. And was she okay 279 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,757 about pushing it back? Yes. 280 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,726 Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here? 281 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,695 You can never tell Marshall. 282 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,062 I won't. Ever. 283 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,399 Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl. 284 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,202 I swear on Luke and Leia. 285 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,840 About a month ago, I started getting insomnia. 286 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:43,243 Marrying Marshall had been all I wanted for a long time. 287 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,178 But, now that it was really happening, 288 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,314 it seemed kind of huge and scary. 289 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,149 TED: Did you talk to Marshall about it? 290 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,818 LILY: He wouldn't have understood. 291 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,453 He's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. 292 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,388 ( snoring ) 293 00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,961 So I spent my nights reading, painting, 294 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,096 setting the high score on Super Bomber Man... 295 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,832 TED: That was you? Awesome! 296 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,267 LILY: I know! I just got in the zone and... 297 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,302 Not the point of the story. 298 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,671 And then I started thinking about Victoria 299 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,841 and how she followed her dream to Germany, 300 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,642 and I found this art fellowship. 301 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,278 Let me guess. It's somewhere far away. 302 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,914 San Francisco. 303 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,216 But it's not like I'm going to do it. 304 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,719 The dates conflict with the wedding. 305 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,688 But I love painting, 306 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:32,392 and I've always wondered if I'm any good. 307 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,394 This was a way to find out. 308 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,229 And the interview is tonight. 309 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,165 In New Haven. 310 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,104 You don't want to get married. 311 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,240 Of course I want to get married. 312 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:51,044 I... It's not like I was ever going to do it. 313 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,915 I just... I just really wanted to see if I could get this. 314 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,084 Lily, we live in the center 315 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,086 of art and culture in America. 316 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,653 I'm sure you could find a program here 317 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,022 that's just as selective. 318 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,424 But you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, 319 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,026 and you didn't tell Marshall. 320 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,829 I think it's pretty clear what that means. 321 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:15,168 Okay, I was... I was having second thoughts. 322 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,269 Oh, man! 323 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,171 But I'm not anymore. 324 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:21,508 I... I mean, this flat tire was a sign. 325 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,343 I'm not supposed to do this. 326 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:27,781 I'm supposed to go home and-and be with Marshall. 327 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,749 You must think I'm so stupid. 328 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,885 I don't think you're stupid. 329 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,620 I love Marshall. 330 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,088 I know you do. Come here. 331 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,428 It's okay. Look... 332 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,996 Marriage is big. 333 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,664 You're allowed to freak out. 334 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,200 But why am I the only one? 335 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,769 How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy? 336 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:54,507 So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice. 337 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,311 All done. 338 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,150 Ted, let's go to New Haven. 339 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,886 Lily, don't do this to yourself. 340 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,388 I just need to know if I can get in. 341 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,557 If I do this interview, and get into the program, 342 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,393 then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. 343 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,461 Come on! 344 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,662 It's an adventure. 345 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:16,964 No, it's not an adventure. 346 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,131 It's a mistake. 347 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,300 Okay, yes, it's a mistake. 348 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,801 I know it's a mistake. 349 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,636 But there are certain things in life 350 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,072 where you know it's a mistake 351 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,439 but you don't really know it's a mistake 352 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,508 because the only way to really know it's a mistake 353 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,710 is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, "Yep. 354 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:31,945 That was a mistake." 355 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:33,813 So, really, the bigger mistake 356 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,182 would be to not make the mistake, 357 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,649 because then you go your whole life 358 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,086 not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. 359 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,254 And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! 360 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,858 I've done all of this-- my life, my relationship, 361 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,794 my career-- mistake-free. 362 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,063 Does any of this make sense to you? 363 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,499 I don't know. You said "mistake" a lot. 364 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:56,136 Lily, don't do this. 365 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,504 Ted, I'm getting married in two months, 366 00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,506 and I'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, 367 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,408 and you just have to forgive me for this. 368 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,609 Forgive you for what? 369 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,445 Lily. Lily! 370 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,423 Hey, Lily, this is Ted, 371 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,292 the guy you left stranded by the side of the road. 372 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,594 I just wanted to say good luck with the interview, 373 00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,695 remember to pick up some milk... 374 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,631 Oh, and, when I get home, 375 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,167 I'm going to kill you. 376 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,369 And, also, I texted you the same thing. 377 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,946 Hey, I need a big favor. 378 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,313 Anything, bro. 379 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,182 I need you to come up to Duchess County and pick me up. 380 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,716 No. 381 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,953 It's kind of an emergency. 382 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,454 What are you doing in Duchess County? 383 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,122 Apple picking. 384 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,490 Can you just get up here? 385 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,093 I wish I could help, buddy, but I'm stuck here at work. 386 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,561 We're kind of swamped. 387 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,795 Is that Ted? 388 00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,264 Yeah. He's stuck in Duchess County. 389 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,299 Don't you have a big date tonight? 390 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,202 Uh... Marshall. Hi. Yes. Yes, I do. 391 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,204 So what are you doing in Duchess County? 392 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,339 Can't a brother go apple picking 393 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,142 without getting the third degree? Damn! 394 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,211 Okay, well, hang on. I'm coming to get you. 395 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,045 No! 396 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,746 Relax, man. I'll take the Fiero. 397 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,682 No, no, no. Just... forget it. 398 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,550 Ha, ha! A little prank. 399 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,019 I'm not in Duchess County. 400 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,420 So that's the prank? 401 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,555 That you're not in Duchess county? 402 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,558 Yep. Gotcha! Classic! 403 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,194 Gotta go. 404 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,798 Hey, check out this one. 405 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,067 It actually looks like Butterfield. 406 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,536 You know, over at the NRDC, 407 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,305 it's a bunch of really committed people 408 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,772 who take their job of saving the earth 409 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,109 very, very seriously. 410 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,610 Which is great, and everything, 411 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:47,180 but I can't imagine having this much fun over there. 412 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:50,183 You thinking about coming to work here full-time? 413 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,651 Maybe. 414 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,987 Don't tell Lily, okay? 415 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,455 Taking off for the night. 416 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:56,823 Thanks, Tracy. 417 00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:01,028 Are you guys planning on punching some holes in that box? 418 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,730 Of course we are. 419 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,533 Were you going to think of that? No. 420 00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,435 That would have been bad. Horrible. Ooh! 421 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:12,139 Luckily, there was still one person I could call 422 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,540 to get a ride home. 423 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,108 Need a ride, cowboy? 424 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,344 Sorry. I don't get in vans with strangers. 425 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,346 Hmm, too bad. I got candy. 426 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,081 Candy?! 427 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,285 So you're not going to tell me what you were doing 428 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,320 by the side of a highway in Duchess County? 429 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,988 Nope. Sworn to secrecy. 430 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,390 Oh, come on. 431 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,791 I like your hat. 432 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,161 Right. This is embarrassing. 433 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,129 I got highlights. 434 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,498 Oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? 435 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,768 Highlights is a children's magazine. 436 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,835 Yeah, I got it. 437 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,338 I thought it might look cool. 438 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,007 Of course my colorist took "highlights" to mean, 439 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:51,078 "I want to look like a tiger," hence the hat. 440 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,745 Oh. I gotta see this. 441 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:53,746 No way. 442 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:54,847 Please. 443 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,149 I bet it doesn't look that bad. 444 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,551 I bet it looks grr-eat! 445 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:03,223 So, she says, changing the subject. 446 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,058 Big date tonight. 447 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,194 How does she rate on the Mosby checklist? 448 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,595 Kind of amazingly. 449 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,063 Uh, she's 28, like me. 450 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,499 Wow, I'm 28. 451 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,101 Hmm. Uh... 452 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,202 College educated-- check. 453 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,669 Plays tennis-- check. 454 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,572 Uh, favorite book is Love in the Time of Cholera-- check. 455 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,074 I read that. 456 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,810 More like "Love in the Time of Don't Bothera." 457 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,345 ( laughs ) 458 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,147 You know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. 459 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,415 I'm just saying. 460 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,916 We're not indoors. We're in a van. 461 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,684 Vans have doors-- let me see your hair. 462 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,686 Never. What else? 463 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:34,754 She loves lasagna. 464 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:35,888 Barf. 465 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,857 You know, I am sensing a pattern here. 466 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,826 What else? 467 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:40,960 ( inhales deeply ) 468 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,095 Let's see what else... 469 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,696 Oh, she doesn't look like a tiger-- check. 470 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,232 Ah! 471 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,934 And she's looking to get married and have kids? 472 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,068 Check and check. 473 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,537 She wants two kids-- a boy and a girl. 474 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,105 Wow. 475 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,941 You know, I've been thinking about this. 476 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,043 I think I want to have zero kids. 477 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,511 Really? You don't want kids? 478 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,715 You know, Ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. 479 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,286 Hey. I'm driving. 480 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,291 ( sighs ) Look at that. 481 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,226 8:56. You're early. 482 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,628 Hey, thanks for picking me up. 483 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,663 Good luck on your date. 484 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,566 I hope she's everything you're looking for. 485 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,701 Thanks. 486 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,372 ( exhales heavily ) 487 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,074 All right, you've clearly had a rough night. 488 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,542 I want you to go in there 489 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:33,246 with a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what I'm going to do. 490 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,547 You're going to show me your hair? 491 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,783 Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, 492 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,218 but... sure, we can do hair. 493 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,586 ( chuckles ) 494 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,960 ( chuckles softly ) 495 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,896 You just made my night. 496 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,833 Go. 497 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,136 * Oh, mother of pearl * 498 00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:03,476 * Submarine lover in a shrinking world * 499 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,346 * Oh, lonely dreamer * 500 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:12,485 * Your choker provokes a picture cameo * 501 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,322 * Oh, mother of pearl * 502 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:22,128 * So, so semi-precious in your detached world * 503 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,864 * Oh, mother of pearl * 504 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:29,236 * I wouldn't trade you for another girl * 505 00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:34,274 * Oh, mother of pearl * 506 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:38,678 * I wouldn't trade you for another girl * 507 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:43,216 * Oh, mother of pearl * 508 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,419 * I wouldn't trade you for another girl... * 509 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,888 ( music stops ) 510 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,663 Tomorrow morning, Barney's going to send out the package, 511 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:59,732 and Butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. 512 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,167 ( laughing ) 513 00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:02,101 Oh, hey, dude. 514 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,169 Hey, guys. 515 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,971 Hi. 516 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,205 Hey. 517 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:10,477 So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk? 518 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,379 Yeah. 519 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,348 Yeah, I-I got it. 520 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:19,018 You think you might want to... drink the milk? 521 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,688 No. 522 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,323 Nope, I'm good. 523 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,659 I don't need any milk. 524 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:31,298 Look, guys, I know milk is important-- 525 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,766 it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, 526 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,635 it's a great way to start the morning-- 527 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,169 but Ted just had a huge date. 528 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,705 How'd it go, dude? 529 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,740 I didn't go. 530 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,342 What? Why? 531 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,811 I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her. 532 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,013 Why? She sounds perfect. 533 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,282 I don't want perfect. 534 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,050 I want Robin. 535 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:54,253 Oh, God, not this again. 536 00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,622 Ted, it's a mistake. 537 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,223 Maybe. 538 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,559 But it's a mistake I have to make. 539 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,194 Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. 540 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,430 Look at the evidence. 541 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,865 You and Robin have tried this again and again... 542 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,867 TED: Here's the thing about mistakes. 543 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,470 Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, 544 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,505 you gotta make it anyway. 545 00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,942 Ah, sweet damn that's a hot plate. 546 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,009 Hey, is this milk any good? 547 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,480 ( grunts and spits ) 548 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:26,619 Even really, really dumb mistakes. 549 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,521 ( mouse squeaking )