1 00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,870 Previously on How I Met Your Mother: 2 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,338 TED: She was completely amazing. 3 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:07,341 She was amazing and funny and... 4 00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:10,244 You have feelings for Ted. Maybe. 5 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,146 VICTORIA: I've just been offered a fellowhip 6 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,382 at a culinary institute in Germany. 7 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,517 Do you want to try long distance? Yes. 8 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,120 "This long-distance thing sucks, huh? 9 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,688 And I really need to talk to you tonight." 10 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:21,755 She's going to dump me! 11 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,357 She's not going to break up with you, Ted. 12 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,325 Hello? 13 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,627 Do you want to come over? 14 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,510 Kids, your grandma always used to say to me, 15 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,212 "Nothing good happens after 2:00 A.M.," 16 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,746 and she was right. 17 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:49,217 When 2:00 A.M. rolls around, just go home and go to sleep. 18 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,651 Case in point: 19 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:54,021 ( phone rings ) 20 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,022 Hello. 21 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,690 Hi, Ted, it's Robin. 22 00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,761 Um, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over? 23 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,432 Let's back up a little bit. 24 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,504 * We are young, we run green * 25 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,073 * Keep our teeth nice and clean * 26 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,144 * See our friends, see the sights... * 27 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,079 Sit. Good boys. 28 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,881 Okay, remember, 29 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,117 stay out of the liquor cabinet. 30 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,418 I'll see you tonight. 31 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,021 And so the life of a television reporter 32 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,490 is very rewarding, 33 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:32,360 and I strongly urge you to consider it as a career. 34 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,695 Thank you. 35 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,631 Yeah? 36 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,633 Do you have a fiancé? 37 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,635 Marshall was here yesterday. 38 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,537 They just learned the word "fiancée." 39 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,973 Oh, no, I don't have a fiancé. 40 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,541 Then who do you live with? 41 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,744 Well, actually, I've got five dogs. 42 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,313 Don't you get lonely? 43 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,316 No, I've got five dogs. 44 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:58,452 My grandma has five cats and she gets lonely. 45 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,120 Well, yeah, that's cats. 46 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,989 I'm not some pathetic cat lady. 47 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,591 Not that your grandmother is... 48 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,893 Does anyone else have a...? 49 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,529 Yes? Are you a lesbian? 50 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:09,397 No. Are you? 51 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,031 Just because a woman lives alone 52 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:11,932 doesn't mean she's a les... 53 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,467 Okay, let's have a big hand 54 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,703 for Robin the reporter. 55 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,037 All right, our next guest 56 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,306 is another friend... 57 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,274 So, Robin, you ever report on train wrecks? 58 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,342 'Cause I just saw one. 59 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,876 What up? Tiny five. 60 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,215 Ha-ha. Laugh now, those kids are monsters. 61 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,982 They're going to eat you alive. 62 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,051 He has a job doing... 63 00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,486 What do you do? 64 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,322 ( chuckles ): Please. 65 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,589 Kids, let's rap. 66 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,358 You guys don't give half a brown Crayola 67 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,793 what I do for a living, do you? 68 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,229 ALL: No. No, no. 69 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,631 I know what you want. 70 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:44,698 Magic. 71 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,134 ( cheering ) 72 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,269 Hello. 73 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,703 Why hasn't she called yet? 74 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,305 Okay, you're making yourself crazy. 75 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,241 It's Saturday night. Go out and do something. 76 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,942 What's the point of going out? 77 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,744 I got a girlfriend... for now. 78 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,280 Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? 79 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,481 I'm, like, half your viewership. 80 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,550 I'm flattered you think we have two viewers. 81 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,520 And we're clear. 82 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,656 So, Scherbotsky, got a boyfriend? 83 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,991 No, and why does this keep coming up today? 84 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,761 Oh, I just thought that guy you were on the phone with... 85 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,863 What? Oh, no, that was Ted. He's just a friend. 86 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,799 I mean, there was this moment where we almost dated, 87 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,569 but we want completely different things. 88 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,671 Anyway, now he has this girlfriend in Germany 89 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,539 and he thinks she's calling to dump him tonight, 90 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,807 but I don't think she is. 91 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,377 And besides, we want completely different things. 92 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,645 We should have sex. 93 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,713 What? 94 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:33,981 Why not? 95 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,250 We're both available, we're both attractive, 96 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,351 we're both good at it. 97 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,752 At least, I'm good at it. 98 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,388 And even if you're not, don't worry, 99 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,256 I'll have a good time either way. 100 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,525 Well, moving past the horrifying image 101 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,428 of your hair helmet clanging against the headboard, 102 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,863 I don't get involved with people I work with. 103 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,064 Get involved? 104 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,466 Who said get involved? 105 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,968 I'm just saying we should have sex, it could be fun. 106 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:55,869 We're on in five. 107 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,771 Having sex is fun. 108 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,072 Home number. 109 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,341 Call me anytime. 110 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,410 A lot of local teens in action tonight... 111 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,878 ( sighs ) 112 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,314 Hey, guys. 113 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,750 Miss me? 114 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,756 I missed you, too. 115 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:19,593 * Baby says * 116 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:23,931 * I can't come * 117 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,999 * With him * 118 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:36,377 * And I had read all of this in his eyes * 119 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:43,484 * Long before he even said so * 120 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:46,387 * Why come? * 121 00:04:53,461 --> 00:05:00,033 * You know I don't expect anything * 122 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,172 Hi, Ted, it's Robin. 123 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,543 Um, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over? 124 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:13,414 * Anything... * 125 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:22,790 Ted? 126 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:23,957 Uh, yeah... 127 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,158 Uh, hi, I'm here. 128 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,260 Do you want to come over? 129 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,096 Why? What's up? 130 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,834 Well, um, I just finally set up my new juicer 131 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,803 and I was going to make some juice, 132 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:40,708 and I was, like, "You know who likes juice? Ted." 133 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,643 I love juice. 134 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,480 Great. So you want to come over and make juice? 135 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,450 When it's after 2:00 A.M., just go to sleep 136 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,652 because the decisions you make after 2:00 A.M 137 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,754 are the wrong decisions. 138 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,289 Okay, sure. I'll come over. 139 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,125 We'll... juice. 140 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,460 Yes, we'll juice. 141 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,830 Okay. Okay... bye. 142 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,698 Bye. 143 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,440 This is fine. This is totally fine. 144 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,807 What's fine? 145 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,943 Oh, I'm, uh, going over to this girl's house 146 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:16,944 to make some juice. 147 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,345 ( chuckles ) 148 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,680 Nice. 149 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,681 No, it's not like that. 150 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,583 We're juicing as friends. 151 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,184 See, I have this girlfriend, 152 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,487 I would never cheat on her. 153 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,088 She lives in Germany. 154 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,324 See, she was supposed to call me four hours ago 155 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,526 to have a serious talk. 156 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,327 I still haven't heard from her. 157 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,563 I don't know. 158 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,098 Sorry to bug you with my problems. 159 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:42,202 Guess cab drivers are the new bartenders, huh? 160 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,671 You ain't kidding, kid. 161 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,707 Want a nip? 162 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,176 You can just let me out right up here. 163 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,611 Where you going to, buddy? 164 00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:54,114 Park Slope, Eighth and Eighth. 165 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,717 Okay, here's where I left off with the last guy. 166 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,285 See, I have a girlfriend, 167 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,521 but I'm going over to this other girl's house... 168 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,789 And you're wondering if I'd be upset. 169 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,824 ( gasps ) Hi, Ted. 170 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,759 Remember me, your girlfriend? 171 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,828 Okay, relax, Robin's just a friend. 172 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,531 Right. You're going to go make some juice. 173 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,600 Yes, yes! Juice is perfectly harmless. 174 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,568 In fact, it's healthy. 175 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,069 Oh, yeah? Then why are you wondering 176 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,505 what she looks like naked? 177 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,972 I am not won... 178 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,641 Okay, even if I am wondering that, 179 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,610 it's only 'cause you put it in my head. 180 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,512 Ah, but I'm just a manifestation of your subconscious, 181 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,614 so actually, you put it in your own head. 182 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,416 Damn it! Nothing's going to happen. 183 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,417 Right. 184 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,519 Okay, okay. 185 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,453 You want a second opinion? Fine. 186 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,156 ( phone rings ) 187 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,491 Ooh. 188 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,560 Hey, did she call? 189 00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,695 No. I need a ruling. 190 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,297 Um, I'm... Yeah, this is stupid. 191 00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,866 It's not even a big deal, 192 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,301 but I'm on my way over to Robin's right now. 193 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,570 She got a new juicer. 194 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,539 Whatever. We're going to test it out. 195 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,574 Let me call you back. 196 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,782 Honey, there's a situation developing. 197 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,884 Do you remember the huge secret that you told me 198 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,653 that you weren't supposed to but you did? 199 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,689 The thing... about Robin? 200 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,123 Oh, you mean how Robin's in love with Ted? 201 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:10,924 BOTH: What? 202 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,926 Yeah, she told me already. Go on. 203 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,262 Wait. So I'm the only one that she didn't tell? 204 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,230 She told you and not me? 205 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,033 Well, I guess I'm just better friends with her than you are. 206 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,103 Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are. 207 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,672 That is a lie! 208 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,173 It is not a lie. Okay, that's it! You and me! 209 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,542 I'm not afraid of you! Oh, you think... 210 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,611 I'll show you things you never seen before! 211 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,713 I used to box in the Army! 212 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,114 ( both yelling ) 213 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,850 Come on, pick up. 214 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,552 Damn it, Victoria, where are you? 215 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,053 Pick up, pick up! 216 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,054 Cupcake? 217 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,623 No, thanks. 218 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:44,257 Where are you? Why haven't you called? 219 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,560 Oh, I'm out hooking up... 220 00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,862 Hmm. with three other guys. 221 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,397 Or maybe 222 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:54,334 I'm a devoted girlfriend and I'm calling you right now. 223 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,703 Yeah. Why do I doubt that? 224 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,270 ( phone rings ) 225 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,505 Hello. 226 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,107 Ted, I just saw the news 227 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:03,744 and a truck carrying sulfuric acid overturned 228 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,946 right in front of Robin's house. 229 00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,915 And it's melting through the sidewalk. 230 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,650 You can see straight down into hell. It's bad. 231 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,884 You should go home, dude. 232 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,319 Marshall, it's fine. 233 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,921 Nothing's going to happen. 234 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,356 Ted, what does your mom always say? 235 00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,925 Nothing good ever... 236 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,993 Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 A.M. 237 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,962 Go home! It's too late for juice. 238 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,797 Dude, Robin and I are just friends. 239 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,432 She doesn't even like me that way. 240 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,700 Yes, she does! 241 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,901 She likes you. 242 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:28,936 She told me. 243 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,403 What? 244 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,806 It's a big secret, so don't tell her I told you, 245 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,375 but she's very vulnerable right now 246 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,476 and you have a girlfriend. 247 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,378 Go home, Ted. 248 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,047 She-she likes me? 249 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,250 Yes. So you see why it would be a very bad idea 250 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,484 for you to go up there. 251 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:47,020 Go home, Ted. 252 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,256 She likes me? 253 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,891 Go home, Ted. 254 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:56,730 Uh, you're right. I'll, uh, I'll see you at home. 255 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,633 Good. He's going home. 256 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,468 He is so not going home. 257 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,603 I cannot believe you just told him that. 258 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,672 What do you mean? 259 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,873 Lilly, here's what you just said: 260 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,041 "Ted, whatever you do, don't go up there. 261 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,811 There's a beautiful girl who wants to have sex with you." 262 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,847 "And then she's gonna make you some delicious juice." 263 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,916 No, he's not going up there. 264 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,118 He has more sense than that. 265 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,888 I did have more sense than that. 266 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,790 Keep the change. Thanks. Thanks. 267 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,859 But after 2:00 A.M, my good sense was sound asleep. 268 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,710 So you're doing this? 269 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,144 You're going up there? 270 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,681 You want to get out of the way? I'm not in the way. 271 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,984 You know, if you had just called me, I... 272 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,291 Hi. Hi. 273 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,260 Um, I got some vegetables. 274 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,428 I got carrots, I got beets. 275 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,595 Or we could just drink wine. 276 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,564 Wine... not? 277 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,199 Well, that's the stupidest thing I've ever said. 278 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,370 Make it a big glass. 279 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,705 Sure. 280 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,841 So, how's it hanging? 281 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,110 Have you ever had 282 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,412 one of those days where nothing at all 283 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,081 that monumental happens 284 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,383 but by the end of it you have 285 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,118 no idea who you are anymore 286 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,054 or what the hell you're doing with your life? 287 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,356 Do you ever have one of those days? 288 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,824 Uh, about once a week. 289 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,394 I don't know, it was just a, a rough day 290 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,931 and the only person I wanted to see at the end of it was you. 291 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,401 So... 292 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,237 um... how was the big phone call with your girlfriend? 293 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,640 When the clock strikes 2:00, just go to sleep. 294 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,477 We broke up. 295 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,012 What? 296 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,514 Yeah. Yeah, she finally called. 297 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,016 We talked for a while-- 298 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:59,686 how hard long distance is-- and then... she dumped me. 299 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,422 Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry. 300 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,124 That's just terrible. 301 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,626 I feel awful. 302 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,261 You're smiling. 303 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,097 Am I? No I'm not. 304 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,532 I'm a news anchor. 305 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:13,767 Smiling's a part of the job. 306 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,104 Thousands died in a tragic avalanche today. 307 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,338 See? 308 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,375 You're smiling, too. 309 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,245 Yeah. 310 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,215 I have no idea what that's all about. 311 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,955 * There's got to be a morning after... * 312 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,324 How much does Korean Elvis rock? 313 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,658 I'll answer that. 314 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,293 Infinity. 315 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,361 He rocks... 316 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,530 infinity. 317 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,665 Okay, it's time for bed. 318 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,868 What? No. It's 2:30. 319 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,670 Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m. 320 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,206 You know, I have found, in my travels... 321 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,510 that all the best things in life happen after 2:00 a.m. 322 00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,347 When I look back at the best stories of my life-- 323 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,949 the Liberty Bell incident, 324 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,451 the little scrape I got in at the Russian Embassy, 325 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,886 the almost four-way. 326 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:06,887 You never had a four-way. 327 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:07,921 I said "almost." 328 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,656 All those things 329 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,491 happened after 2:00 a.m. 330 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,060 because after 2:00 a.m. 331 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,562 is when things get-- audience, say it with me-- 332 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,364 legendary. 333 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,266 We're going home. 334 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:20,567 What's that? 335 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,070 Interesting theory, Barney, but I'll need some proof? Okay. 336 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,806 Korean Elvis. 337 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,775 How would you like 338 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,610 to have a drink with me and my friends? 339 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,513 Rock 'n' roll. 340 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,548 And it begins. 341 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,586 So, um... Hey. 342 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,288 I got a new phone. 343 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,722 Same as yours. Look. 344 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,257 Oh, yeah. Do you like it? 345 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,058 Yeah. Yeah. 346 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,795 This is some solid small talk. 347 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:49,729 ( both laughing ) 348 00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,364 I had that other phone, 349 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,101 and it was good, but I think the whole time 350 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,970 a little part of me wanted this phone instead. 351 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,438 This phone... 352 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,507 um... 353 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:01,909 feels right. 354 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:02,910 ( phone ringing ) 355 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,912 Wow. Weird. 356 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:08,315 Yeah. Uh, I should probably take this. 357 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,917 I'll be here. 358 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,057 Hello. 359 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,758 Ted, this is your main man, K.E. 360 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,493 I want you to shake your tail feathers 361 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,329 down here ASAP, you dig? 362 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,131 Sorry about that. 363 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,899 Was that Korean Elvis? 364 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,035 I'll explain later. Hey, we're headed down to MacLaren's. 365 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,537 Um... Actually... 366 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,805 I'm at Robin's. 367 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,741 Yeah, and, um... 368 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,643 I might have done something bad. 369 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:40,380 I just lied and told her I broke up with Victoria. 370 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:44,051 Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, 371 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,453 but what the bleep are you doing, dude? 372 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,522 What do you expect from me? It's Robin. 373 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,824 Victoria's great, but, it's Robin. 374 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,126 I've made up my mind. 375 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,661 I'm going to end it with Victoria. 376 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:55,929 Gonna? 377 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,564 Yes. First thing tomorrow. 378 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:02,702 Okay, but, but, as of right now at-at... 2:45 a.m. 379 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,037 you still have a girlfriend. 380 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,639 Ted, I love you. 381 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,208 I love Robin. 382 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:09,676 But if you do this right now, 383 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,946 your entire future with her will be built on a crime. 384 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,047 Just go home, Ted. 385 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,183 Don't do this the wrong way. 386 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,385 I hate how you're always right. 387 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,553 It's my best and most annoying trait. 388 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,423 Okay. 389 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,126 I'm coming home. I'll see you soon. 390 00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,131 Hey. 391 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,665 Hey. 392 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,907 I should probably get going. 393 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,109 It's pretty late. 394 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,012 I'm sorry. I... 395 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,713 Oh. Oh, no. I understand. 396 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,281 It's fine. Yeah. 397 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,452 Can I call you tomorrow? 398 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,586 Totally. Totally. 399 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:54,721 Call me tomorrow. 400 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,123 Okay. Good night, Robin. 401 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,957 Good night, Ted. 402 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,759 Oh, my God. 403 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,594 We're making out. 404 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,330 Right. Right? Right? This is crazy. 405 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,534 Should we go to my room? 406 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,603 I mean, there's five dogs in there, but... 407 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,837 Yeah. Yeah? 408 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,107 Yeah. 409 00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,244 I just, um... I have 410 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,513 to run to the bathroom real quick. 411 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,083 Okay. 412 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,962 ( startled yelp ) 413 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,231 Stop doing that. 414 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,832 Whatcha doin'? 415 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,934 I'm calling you. 416 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,103 We're breaking up. 417 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,337 I'm doing this right now, 418 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,206 I'm coming out of this bathroom a single man. 419 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,774 Okay. Say, Ted... 420 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,211 how long do you think that conversation's going to be? 421 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,545 Length of an average pee? 422 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:26,679 No. We're gonna 423 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,715 be on the phone for at least 20 minutes. 424 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,217 Robin's out there. She's gonna think 425 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,984 you're in here taking a massive... 426 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,253 What do you want from me? 427 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,722 People break up. It happens. 428 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,557 Not like this. 429 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,459 Not from the bathroom of the girl 430 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:40,827 that you're about to sleep with. 431 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:45,031 It's not ideal. 432 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,933 Meanwhile, back at the bar, 433 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,268 Barney was still trying to prove 434 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:51,003 that good things can happen after 2:00 a.m. 435 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,505 Come on, Lily. 436 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,074 How many women can say they've been personally serenaded 437 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,443 by Korean Elvis? 438 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,011 * Love me tender, love me true... * 439 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,548 I think he just spat on me. 440 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,116 Barney, you tried, I think that's great, 441 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,117 but we're going. 442 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,286 No! No, come on. Yes! 443 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,920 Dude, we haven't hit legendary yet. 444 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,189 We're only at the "le. 445 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,290 We still got the "gen." 446 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,325 The "da." The "ry." 447 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:15,395 Okay, if we're at the "le," then I say we follow it up 448 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,364 with a "t's go home." 449 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,699 Oh, wow, you just got burned, 450 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,768 phonics style. 451 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,935 No, no, no, no, no. 452 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,837 Baby, baby, baby, don't go. 453 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,106 Just one dance, huh? 454 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,275 Okay, seriously. 455 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,643 Hey, I know what you like. 456 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,887 And so, Barney was right-- the night was legendary. 457 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,322 It would come to be known 458 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,558 as The Time Lily Kicked Korean Elvis in the Nards. 459 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,059 Hey, you guys remember the time 460 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:51,130 that Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the Nards? 461 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,166 You're right. 462 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,835 I owe you a real breakup call. 463 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:56,769 I'll call you tomorrow. 464 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,004 Good. 465 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,539 So you're gonna go home? 466 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,475 Why should I have to go home? 467 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,777 You know, there's every chance 468 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,313 Robin's the woman I'm going to marry. 469 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,014 Ted. It could happen. 470 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,017 And so really, what's it gonna matter in 50 years 471 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,852 if I jump the gun by one night? 472 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:16,723 Look, I-I know this is a moral gray area, but... 473 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,157 It's Robin. 474 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,059 And I'm exhausted. 475 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,294 I am. I'm exhausted 476 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,962 from pretending I'm not in love with her. 477 00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,531 I think that makes this okay. 478 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,699 Oh, please. You just want to get laid. 479 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,235 Yes, I do. 480 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,402 You got me. 481 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,204 That is exactly what I want right now. 482 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,239 And so what? 483 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,740 I want this. She wants this. 484 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,908 It's happening, and if you have a problem with it, 485 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,577 don't be in Germany. 486 00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,712 It's been nice pretending to talk to you 487 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,815 Thanks for not calling me and good night. 488 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,952 That's not your phone. 489 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,822 This isn't my phone. 490 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,831 Okay. Bye. 491 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:02,101 I thought it was mine, so I answered it. 492 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,836 Was it...? 493 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,672 It was your girlfriend. 494 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,574 You might want to call her back. 495 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:23,523 * Sorry, baby, but it's getting too much to take * 496 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,725 * I close my eyes * 497 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:30,530 * I know my heart's about to break... * 498 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,866 I called Victoria from the cab and we broke up. 499 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,605 And there you have it, kids. 500 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,574 The stupidest thing I've ever done. 501 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,911 In one night I managed to hurt two people I cared about. 502 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,679 And none of it would have happened 503 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,416 if I had just listened to my mom. 504 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:56,789 * Saying I'm sorry till I'm blue in the face * 505 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,659 * Leaves me empty with no love left... * 506 00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:03,530 So I guess if there's a lesson to be learned here, it's this. 507 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:07,467 When it's after 2:00 a.m., just go to sleep. 508 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:17,243 * Whoa, I promise to hold you * 509 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:22,615 * How does a promise * 510 00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:27,620 * Ever grow old? *