1 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,918 TED: Kids, when it comes to love, the best relationships 2 00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,020 are the ones that just come naturally. 3 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,389 My first solo batch. 4 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,725 Um, I think those need to stay in the oven a while longer. 5 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,494 Here's a professional tip. 6 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,263 If it's still runny, it's not a cupcake. 7 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,764 It's a beverage. 8 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,434 TED: Things with Victoria were fun, and easy, 9 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,436 and uncomplicated. 10 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:38,539 It was pretty great. 11 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,046 Um, are you coloring in your butt? 12 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,848 I have a big interview coming up, 13 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,850 and my suit has holes in it. 14 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,353 I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so, 15 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,223 yeah, I'm coloring in my butt. 16 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,225 So wear another one. I don't have another one. 17 00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,392 I'm flat broke. 18 00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,894 My only other suit options are track or birthday. 19 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:04,532 Dude, you show up to an interview in that, 20 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,699 even the hippie lawyers 21 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,102 from Granola Mountain Earth Pals will hackey sack you 22 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,370 straight out the door. 23 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,972 Okay, it's the National Resource Defense Council, 24 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,574 and it's my dream job. 25 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,110 Except it's only an internship, and I won't be getting paid. 26 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,978 Mostly getting people coffee. 27 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,214 But the people I'm getting coffee for-- 28 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,450 their bosses are going to save the world. 29 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,753 Okay, tomorrow-- oh, and I should mention 30 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,621 this is going to rock your world-- 31 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,089 tomorrow I'm taking you 32 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,958 to my personal tailor. 33 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,560 A tailor? 34 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,795 Barney, I make negative $300 a week, 35 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,731 and I need every negative penny of that for my wedding. 36 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,067 Relax, my guy does everything for one third the cost. 37 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,170 And there is no way you're getting married 38 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,505 in that sarcastic- quotation-marks "suit." 39 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:48,142 Tomorrow, noon, my tailor. 40 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,312 No thanks, dude. 41 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,150 Noon? Noon. 42 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,651 Okay. See you then. 43 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:01,522 Hey, girls. 44 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:02,523 Hey. Hey. 45 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,525 Hey. I'm on my way to meet Ted. 46 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,593 It's our two monthiversary, so we're 47 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,594 going out to dinner. 48 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,828 Great! Well, that answers 49 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,363 all the questions I didn't ask. 50 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,264 Robin! 51 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,533 Oh, come on. We bust on each other. 52 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,635 We're just at that place in our strong friendship. 53 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,804 Really? Oh. 54 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,306 Get off me. 55 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:19,973 Oh, see? I did it again. 56 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,575 ( laughs ) 57 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,945 What are you guys up to? Oh, dress shopping. 58 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,981 You know, I make wedding cakes for a lot of fancy bridal shops. 59 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,817 If you want, I could take you shopping, 60 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,052 maybe get you a discount. Really? That'd be great. 61 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,354 Yeah. ( phone ringing ) 62 00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,522 Ooh. 63 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,624 Huh. I should take this. 64 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,292 Hello. 65 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,527 Hey, 66 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,395 I thought it was going to be just us tomorrow. 67 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,163 What's with inviting Punky Brewster? 68 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:46,634 Robin, you've got to get over this Ted and Victoria thing. 69 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,902 You had your chance, and now he's moved on. 70 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,971 Can't you just be happy for them? 71 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,741 The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes. 72 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:54,442 Sold. 73 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,514 Victoria, what's wrong? 74 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,550 I've just been offered a fellowship 75 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,553 at a culinary institute in Germany. 76 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,555 Wait. Germany, Europe? 77 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:08,722 It's for two years. 78 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,225 I figured I didn't have much of a chance, 79 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,861 'cause they don't let many Americans in, but... 80 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,062 I'm in. 81 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,064 So, this is the Europe Germany? 82 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,600 What other Germany would it be? 83 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,101 The one in Epcot? 84 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,069 Ted. 85 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,671 Sorry. 86 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,773 Congratulations. 87 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,776 Thank you. I don't know if I'm going to go. 88 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,745 Mm-hmm. And if-if you do, what does that mean for us? 89 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,414 I don't know. 90 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,384 I just... I don't think 91 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,686 that long distance really works for anyone. 92 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,953 Oh, God, no. 93 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,855 Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other 94 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,724 to get laid the summer before college. 95 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,561 So, that leaves us with... 96 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,630 Either you stay here, 97 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,665 or we break up. 98 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,435 Wow. 99 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,438 Um, look, let's just see how things progress, 100 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,307 and if by September, we still feel... 101 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,808 I have to leave on Monday. 102 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,209 Monday, September the...? 103 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,110 Ted. 104 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,947 Do you have any thoughts? 105 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,149 Maybe we should each take some time 106 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,452 to think about what we want. 107 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,621 We'll meet up tomorrow to discuss it. 108 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,723 It's a date. 109 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,926 TED: And that's when things got complicated. 110 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,333 Hey, baby, how's the dress place? 111 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,600 Everything's so fluffy and white. 112 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,268 It's like shopping in a marshmallow. 113 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,003 How's Barney's tailor? 114 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,006 Um, everything here is dark 115 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,509 and sketchy and seems illegal. 116 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,511 It's like shopping in Barney's mind. 117 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,279 Well, good luck, baby. 118 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,548 Bye. 119 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,116 Hey, Barney, 120 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,518 I'm not sure about this. 121 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:47,287 A tailor in the back room of a pet store? 122 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:50,824 Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not? 123 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,960 ( speaking Ukrainian ) 124 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,762 ( speaking Ukrainian ) 125 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:55,996 Okay. 126 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,665 Ted, Sergei says stop moping around. 127 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,333 You're distracting him from his process. 128 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,768 You speak Ukrainian? 129 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,869 Eh. 130 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,038 Guys, I'm kind of screwed here. 131 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,507 I don't want to lose Victoria, 132 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,276 but I can't ask her to stay just for me. 133 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,044 And long distance definitely isn't an option. 134 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,380 No. No, no, no. No way. 135 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,515 You know who likes long distance? 136 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,216 Girls. It's all talking and no sex. 137 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,351 Kill me now. 138 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:20,454 Don't knock long-distance relationships. 139 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,622 I really think they can work. 140 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,890 Really? You? 141 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:23,891 Absolutely. 142 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,826 I'm juggling four right now. 143 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,529 There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, 144 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,531 there's Laura in Denmark, 145 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,467 and Kelly on 34th Street. 146 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,770 ( Irish accent ): The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney. 147 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,140 Ted, do you remember in college 148 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,209 when Lily did that summer art program in Paris? 149 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,479 Yeah. Well, she kept talking about this cheesy French guy, Gabriel. 150 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,348 So, I went out to visit, and there was this party. 151 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,883 And who shows up but Gabriel. 152 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,885 And he's got this weak-ass, thin French mustache. 153 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:55,322 I'm not much of a fighter, but I knew I could take 154 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,090 this weird little dude. 155 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,592 So, I took him aside, 156 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,695 and I got all creepy quiet, I got the crazy eyes going, 157 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,997 and I said, 158 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,601 "You stay away from Lily, or I swear to God 159 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:12,205 I'll eat that mustache right off of your ugly French face." 160 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,508 Yeah. No, he literally ran away. 161 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,643 I think he was crying. 162 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,211 I never told Lily about it. 163 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,281 To be honest, I'm not very proud of it. 164 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,016 To be even more honest, 165 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,618 I am. 166 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:27,588 Um, other than confirming a lot of European stereotypes 167 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,790 about Americans, did that little story have a point? 168 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:33,126 Yeah, the point is that even though Lily is my soul mate, 169 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,195 long distance still almost killed us. 170 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,030 If you think that there's any chance 171 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,466 that Victoria is your soul mate, 172 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,434 you should ask her to stay. 173 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:41,735 Well, I don't know if she is. 174 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,437 It's still too early, but yeah, she could be. 175 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,439 Oh, please. You barely know this girl. 176 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,406 What's her favorite color? 177 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,642 Is she a cat person or a dog person? 178 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,744 Is she open to a three-way? 179 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,547 Ted, I do more research than this before buying a cell phone. 180 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,950 And FYI, yes, I have three-way calling. 181 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,986 Look, she can't be a cat person. 182 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,455 I'm a dog person, I'm attracted to other dog people. 183 00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:02,823 Are you sure? 184 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,593 All right. 185 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,794 ( groans ) 186 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,428 Hello. Hey, random question. 187 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,230 How do you feel about cats? 188 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,300 Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal. 189 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,668 Good to know. 190 00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,604 Um, okay. Good-bye. 191 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,007 She's a cat person. 192 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,209 I don't know this girl at all. 193 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,579 Oh, excellent. We'll take this one. Yes. Mm-hmm. 194 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:26,747 Whoa. Hey, hey, it's my suit. 195 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,348 Shouldn't I be the one to choose? 196 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,617 ( laughs ) 197 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,685 Here. Play with this pin cushion. 198 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:32,786 Oh. 199 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,888 Okay. 200 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,127 God. 201 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,962 I'm going to look hot. 202 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,598 Marshall, I can't let you waste a suit this nice 203 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,967 fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival. 204 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,536 This is a suit for winners. 205 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,138 I am getting you an interview at my office. 206 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,440 We need good men like you in our legal department. 207 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,543 We get sued a lot. 208 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,944 No way. 209 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,112 The Kid does not sell out. 210 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148 Oh, come on, dude! Three months working with me, 211 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,383 you'll make more than Lily makes in a year. 212 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,987 No. I've made my decision. 213 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,321 So have I. 214 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,691 If I ask this girl to give up her dreams for me, 215 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,526 and two weeks later, it's not working out, 216 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,128 I'm, like, the biggest jerk of all time. 217 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,865 It's just too much pressure on a new relationship. 218 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,600 I'm going to tell her to go. 219 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,538 And so I met her that night to tell her my decision. 220 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,575 All right, I've been thinking a lot about this... 221 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,309 Okay, before you say anything, 222 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,745 I wanted to give you... 223 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,280 this. 224 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,650 This is what happens when you, you know, 225 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,551 let them finish baking. 226 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,119 ( laughs ) 227 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,227 I want you to stay. 228 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,402 Everything here is dark 229 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,605 and sketchy and seems illegal. 230 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,006 It's like shopping in Barney's mind. 231 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,373 Oh, good luck, baby. 232 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,541 Bye. 233 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,545 Now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear? 234 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,781 Nothing too huge or-or poofy. 235 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,449 I'm not really a girlie girl. 236 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,285 But I would like to look like a beautiful princess. 237 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,221 I saw a couple up front that were nice. 238 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:14,888 By the window? 239 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:15,555 Mm. 240 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,024 No offense, dear, 241 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,327 but those are a little out of your price range. 242 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,696 Where does she get off? 243 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,032 She doesn't know how much money I make. 244 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,233 Oh, these women are experts. 245 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,735 They can guess your net annual income 246 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,236 just by looking at your underwear. 247 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:33,573 Damn you Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs! 248 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,743 At least we get free champagne! 249 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:36,810 And cake. Mm-hmm. 250 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:37,811 Speaking of which, 251 00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,213 Victoria, have you decided what to do 252 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,715 about your doughnut fellowship? 253 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:44,417 You know, I don't know. I mean, I want to go, 254 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,319 but I don't want to lose Ted. 255 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,288 I even thought about long distance, as if 256 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,289 that ever works. 257 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,490 Ugh. All talking and no sex. 258 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,825 Kill me now. 259 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:54,061 I know it sounds lame, 260 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,097 but I actually think that Ted might be The One. 261 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,331 That's pretty hard 262 00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,599 to walk away from. 263 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,134 Well, I don't know. 264 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,771 I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity 265 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,273 to chase some guy I'd only known two months. 266 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,075 But this isn't just some guy. 267 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,143 This is Ted. 268 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,444 He's amazing. 269 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,113 He's the best guy I know. 270 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,116 Yeah, in America, but German guys? Whew! 271 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,485 I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, 272 00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,987 if you know what I mean. 273 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,521 I really don't... 274 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,090 Sex. 275 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,292 Oh, excuse me, ma'am. 276 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,626 This bastard's kicked. 277 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,495 Thanks. 278 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,597 Oh! 279 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,965 Oh! 280 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,500 It's okay, guys, I hate it. 281 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,268 Just horrible. It's bad, it's really bad. 282 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,470 Short in front, long in the back? 283 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,673 That is the mullet of wedding dresses. 284 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:42,042 You know, Victoria, 285 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,177 Marshall and I did long distance once. 286 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,979 In college, I did 287 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,647 an art course in Paris. 288 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,549 I was the only American there. 289 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,051 It was really lonely. 290 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,686 I only had one friend, 291 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,121 Gabrielle. 292 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,189 She was kind of homely and strange-looking, 293 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,891 and she was really self-conscious 294 00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,860 about this little mustache she had. 295 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,394 Anyway, 296 00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,997 halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me, 297 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,766 and I never figured out why. 298 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,535 And then I had nobody. 299 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,570 The only thing that got me through 300 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,774 was knowing that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me. 301 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,543 If Ted's your soul mate, then 302 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,812 it may be worth it to hang onto him. 303 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,148 But how am I supposed to know if we're soul mates? 304 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,916 It's too soon. ( phone rings ) 305 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,484 Ooh. Speak of the devil. 306 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,552 Hello. 307 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:26,686 Hey, random question. 308 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:27,721 How do you feel about cats? 309 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,090 Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal. 310 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,558 A cat person. 311 00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,193 Why am I not surprised? 312 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,429 Bye. 313 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,766 Why does Ted want to know if I like cats? 314 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,233 Maybe he's going to buy you one. 315 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,602 I did hear barking in the background. 316 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,537 Maybe he was in a pet store. 317 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,907 Does he want us to get a cat together? 318 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,909 Maybe he's using an adorable kitty 319 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,177 to guilt you into staying. 320 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,344 ( gasps ) 321 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,046 That is low. 322 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,115 Do you really think that's what he's doing? 323 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,516 Oh, I wouldn't even wait to find out. 324 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,786 I would be on the next plane to Germany. 325 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,554 BOTH: Aw. 326 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,356 Oh, God, 327 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,925 you guys are sucky liars. 328 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,360 Ugly, ugly, ugly. I don't know what to say. 329 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,462 You know what? 330 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,864 We're doing this all wrong. 331 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,066 I am going to get you one of those 332 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,235 front window dresses, just for fun. 333 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,773 Are you okay? 334 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:20,740 I'm fine. 335 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:21,741 Okay. 336 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,743 Just kind of seemed like you're trying 337 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,779 to hustle Victoria out of the country. 338 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,747 I'm not, I'm just trying to support her. 339 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:31,051 She got a super-important dessert scholarship. 340 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,119 Stop being sarcastic. 341 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,822 It is a super-important dessert scholarship. 342 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,657 Wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic. 343 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,492 Look... 344 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,795 I know you're not Victoria's biggest fan, 345 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,798 but she seems to make Ted happy. 346 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,166 So think about that 347 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,768 before you use your miles to buy her a plane ticket. 348 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,770 Somebody say 349 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:51,771 "beautiful princess." 350 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:55,475 Oh, my gosh, it's perfect! Oh! 351 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:58,411 This dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night. 352 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,580 ( laughing ) 353 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,682 Oh, look how happy she is. 354 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,584 You know, I've always thought of myself 355 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,786 as one of those independent women 356 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,589 who would never let any guy mess with my career. 357 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,825 And now I'm actually thinking about it. 358 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:16,429 I feel guilty, like it's un-feminist or something. 359 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,966 I know what you mean. 360 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,767 You do? 361 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,804 Well, I'm always putting my career 362 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:28,641 ahead of my relationships, and... to be honest, 363 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,111 there's a lot of lonely nights in that job description. 364 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,113 See, that's what I'm afraid of. 365 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:38,151 Choosing Ted over your career doesn't make you un-feminist. 366 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,388 Maybe it just means that you guys 367 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,123 would be happy together. 368 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,825 Robin... 369 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:49,729 I think that you are the coolest. 370 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,797 ( chuckles ) 371 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,465 I'm so glad that we're friends. 372 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,467 Oh, no way-- you're the coolest. 373 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,668 No, you are. 374 00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,871 Okay, I am. 375 00:13:57,905 --> 00:14:00,173 ( both laugh ) 376 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,677 I'm going to stay. 377 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,748 BOTH: Aw. 378 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,387 Oh, I am so beautiful! 379 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,023 Oh, don't tell me how much it costs. 380 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,758 Just snap my neck now, so I can die this pretty. 381 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:22,729 Wow, you look incredible. 382 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:23,931 Okay, okay, how much is it, 383 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,865 on a scale of never to never ever? 384 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,768 Never ever, ever, ever, ever... 385 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,403 times infinity. 386 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,439 ( groans ) 387 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,774 ( sighs ) Well, it's okay. 388 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,710 You know, what makes a bride beautiful 389 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:41,081 is that she's just happy to be getting married. 390 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:48,255 Oh, guys, I know I look amazing, but the important thing 391 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,590 is that Marshall and I love each other, right? 392 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,393 Yes, you're right. 393 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:57,297 But also... you just sat down in the cake. 394 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,767 ( gasps ) But, you know what? 395 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,868 It's going to come out 396 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,637 because it's only... chocolate and raspberry. 397 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:05,705 ROBIN: Okay. 398 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,108 Come on, get up, let us see how bad it is. 399 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,910 ( ripping ) 400 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,286 It was like this when I found it? 401 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,254 And how will you be paying for this? 402 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,556 ( sighs ) 403 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:27,327 Credit card... s. 404 00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,831 I wanted to give you... 405 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,700 this. 406 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,136 This is what happens when you... 407 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,406 you know, let them finish baking. 408 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,308 ( both chuckle ) 409 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,547 I want you to stay. 410 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,120 I have to go to Germany. 411 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,862 You're going? Yes. I have to. 412 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,331 So that's what you decided? 413 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,266 Well, no-- I mean, I actually came here tonight 414 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,868 leaning toward staying, but when you just told me to stay, 415 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,870 it made me realize that I have to go. 416 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,705 What is this, opposite day or something? 417 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,175 No. So it is? 418 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,443 ( chuckles ) 419 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,511 Ted, we've only been dating for two months. 420 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,214 I can't let you make this decision for me. 421 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:22,982 I was totally going to tell you to go, 422 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,351 but then you gave me this cupcake, 423 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,019 and it reminded me how great you are. 424 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,354 Well, is there any chance 425 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,122 that you would move to Germany with me? 426 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,324 Well, that's just crazy. 427 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:32,792 Oh, okay. 428 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,128 So it's fine for me to make sacrifices for you, 429 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,563 but for you it's crazy. 430 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,731 But you have a job here and a life; I'd have nothing there. 431 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,434 You'd have me. We've only been dating two months. 432 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,404 Oh, it's not fair. 433 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,239 It's not fair that we have to break up. 434 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:49,042 I hate this. 435 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:53,513 So... we're breaking up? 436 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:57,617 I guess so. 437 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,621 I guess so. 438 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,925 God, that sucks, man. 439 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,228 I'm so sorry. 440 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,929 It was just too much pressure too soon. 441 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,364 I mean, maybe it was silly 442 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,533 to even think... 443 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,603 Yes, Marshall, I see your new suit, and it's awesome. 444 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,171 Well, thank you for acknowledging it. 445 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,406 It was weird that you hadn't. 446 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,940 Look, I understand 447 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,943 that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today? 448 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:24,944 She's leaving tomorrow. 449 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:25,945 Yeah, but she's still in town. 450 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:29,182 Yeah, she... she's still in town. 451 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,784 Yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together. 452 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,020 Ted, think about it this way: 453 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,423 if you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, 454 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,691 would you sit on the couch and cry about it, 455 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,529 or would you run, and jump, and do some awesome air kicks 456 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,930 while you still could? 457 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,866 ( sighs ) 458 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,137 Awesome air kicks, huh? 459 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,971 New pajama bottoms? 460 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,541 You know it. 461 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,975 So we can sit around and cry, 462 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,645 or we can run, and do awesome air kicks 463 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,113 before our leg gets chopped off. 464 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:02,482 Wait, so we're sharing the leg? 465 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,651 No, the leg is a metaphor. 466 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,587 How could the leg be well enough to do awesome air kicks one day, 467 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,390 and yet still so sick it needs to be chopped off the next? 468 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,959 ( laughs ) 469 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,827 I don't know, Ted. 470 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,663 Come on, we've had a good run. 471 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,664 Why end on a fight? 472 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,799 Well, what would you want to do? 473 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,602 Let's do all the stuff we talked about doing and never got around to. 474 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,603 Like go to the Met. 475 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,004 Yeah, we'll walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. 476 00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,573 See some monkeys at the zoo? 477 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,141 Go to that French-Vietnamese place we keep passing 478 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,409 and say we want to try? 479 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,578 Wow! We better get going. 480 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,846 Yeah, big day. Yeah. 481 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,515 TED: And, kids, 482 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,185 that's exactly what we did with our last day. 483 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:41,321 The museum, the bridge, the restaurant, 484 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,524 and all of those nice things. 485 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,426 Lily, you have to tell him. 486 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,660 That dress cost a fortune. 487 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,596 No, I'm just gonna wait for the next time 488 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,997 Marshall really screws up, 489 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,532 and then, I'll just slip this in, 490 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,601 and it won't seem so bad by comparison. 491 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,436 Well, here's hoping he cheats on you. 492 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,038 Yeah, but only, like, second base. 493 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,943 Look at us: two guys in suits. 494 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,345 You feel that slight tingle? 495 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,647 That's every girl in the bar wanting you, 496 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,816 and every guy wanting to be you. 497 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,718 Actually, it's mostly me, 498 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,986 but you're getting some of the splash. 499 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,822 ( grunts ) 500 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,690 Hey, babe. 501 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,126 Dollar beer night, so I splurged and got us each our own. 502 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,728 BARNEY: So, have you 503 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,163 thought more about coming to work for Barney Corp? 504 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:27,166 Oh, please-- your company is not called Barney Corp. 505 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,468 Yet. 506 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,902 Oh, I almost forgot. 507 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,405 Sergei sent me your bill. 508 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:37,310 B... Barney, this says $4,000. 509 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,646 I thought you said that it was one-third price. 510 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,314 Yeah, must be a $12,000 suit. 511 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,516 Oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company. 512 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,419 You set this up! 513 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:47,920 You set this whole thing up! 514 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:52,191 I most certainly did... 515 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,660 Well, it won't work. 516 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,528 Even if I have to get two extra night jobs, 517 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,330 I'll pay your precious tailor. 518 00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,698 I'm not selling my soul. 519 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,335 Baby, I know that this will make things harder, 520 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,271 but I will make it work, I promise. 521 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:07,073 I destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress. 522 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,577 What time is the interview? 523 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,679 9:00 a.m., and you'll need new shoes. 524 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,281 Don't worry, I know a guy. 525 00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,219 Well, I'm glad we got to spent the day 526 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,788 doing awesome air kicks. 527 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,591 Yeah, I was almost too tired for all the sex. 528 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:28,395 ( laughs ) 529 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,229 I'm going to miss you so much. 530 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,464 I'm going to miss you, too. 531 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,708 Hey, you know, I mean, if, when I get back, 532 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,610 we're still single, we can... 533 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,244 Even if we're not. 534 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,146 ( laughs ) 535 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,216 Okay. 536 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,520 * 537 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,667 Look, I know it never works for anyone, but... 538 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,303 ...do you want to try long distance? 539 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:12,672 Yes. Yes! 540 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,508 * 541 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,776 We can beat the odds. 542 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,478 Odds, schmodds. 543 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:19,679 It's gonna work. 544 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,781 We're going to make it work-- it'll work. 545 00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:27,754 Long-distance was and is a terrible idea, 546 00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:32,392 just awful.