1 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,649 When you meet someone special, 2 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,818 suddenly life is full of firsts. 3 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,687 The first kiss. 4 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,689 The first night together. 5 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,357 The first weekend together. 6 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,726 For me, all those firsts happened 7 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,196 within 48 hours of meeting Victoria. 8 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:31,665 They have to come out soon, it's Monday. 9 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,468 Do you think they've been in there the whole time? 10 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,371 I don't know whether to be proud or concerned. 11 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,407 Maybe they're not even in there. 12 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,512 Good morning. Hey, guys. 13 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,514 I'm just going to ignore that. 14 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,581 Thank you! 15 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:48,682 I wish you could stay. 16 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:49,883 I know, me, too. 17 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:52,553 But I have to go to work, and you have that meeting. 18 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,487 Call you afterwards? 19 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,656 I'll inappropriately text you during. 20 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,025 VICTORIA: Bye. 21 00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,227 Bye. 22 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,861 Bye. Oh, Victoria, you're here... 23 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:01,829 Toot-a-loo! 24 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,864 Bye. 25 00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,633 Two days straight?! 26 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,369 Wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage! 27 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,104 Come on, give us a number. 28 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,272 Lily guessed eight, 29 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,806 but I know my boy got to double digits. 30 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,108 Zero. 31 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,109 What? What? 32 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,377 Guys, we just met. 33 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,045 And we both screwed up relationships in the past 34 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,347 by jumping in too quick, 35 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,481 so we talked about it, 36 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,150 and we decided to take this one slow. 37 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,717 Her idea. Totally her idea! 38 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,754 But, I don't know, I'm really into this girl, 39 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,922 and if going slow is what it takes to make this happen, 40 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,090 I say bring it on. 41 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,196 I don't feel so good. 42 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,898 It's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda. 43 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,334 I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. 44 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,769 I would never put up with that. 45 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,804 You've only had sex with one girl in your whole life. 46 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,473 Burn! 47 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,675 Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex 48 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,544 is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old. 49 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,146 ROBIN: Good news: I don't have to cover 50 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,281 the cat show tomorrow night. 51 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,715 Who's up for hanging out? 52 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,284 Oh, I can't, I'm taking Victoria out for dinner. 53 00:01:56,350 --> 00:02:00,188 No, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary. 54 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,522 Wow, nine years? 55 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:04,024 Your relationship's a fourth grader. 56 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:04,992 Congrats. 57 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,494 Thanks. 58 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,829 We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest. 59 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,631 MARSHALL: It's one of New York Magazine's 60 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,267 "Top five romantic getaways on a budget." 61 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,135 Who says sexual can't be sensible? 62 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,739 Well, looks like it's going to be just you and me. 63 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,107 Really? 64 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,677 Actually, I was talking to my martini. 65 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,213 ( laughter ) 66 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:28,916 Ready to go? Hell, yeah. 67 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,652 Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast. 68 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,588 Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M. 69 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,956 Sharp. 70 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,325 Complimenting the odors 71 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,860 and their collection of needle-point geese. 72 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,962 Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples 73 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,232 trying to stave off divorce. 74 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,468 Yeah, well, we'd better get going, 75 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,036 it's like a four-hour drive. 76 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:52,373 And it's supposed to rain tonight. 77 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,343 Or we could just stay home. 78 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,677 Maybe watch some TV. 79 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:57,811 Order in some Chinese. 80 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,247 Oh, Sichuan Garden! 81 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:00,714 Are we really bailing? 82 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:01,482 Hell, yeah. 83 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,550 Good, cause this thing's empty. 84 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,725 Hundred dollars says when you turn around, 85 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,193 I say "wow." 86 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,063 Barney, this is the third time 87 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,331 you've hit on me by accident. 88 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,533 It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. 89 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,402 It's usually a two-man operation 90 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,504 where Ted signals that the target is hot. 91 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,507 But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship. 92 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:29,209 Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection 93 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,210 in the bar mirror? 94 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,379 You can't just... 95 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,814 Wow! 96 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:34,982 WOMAN: Hey? 97 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,016 What's taking so long? 98 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,251 I have to go. 99 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,520 Not so fast, Scherbotsky. 100 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,955 I like the way you think. 101 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,291 That mirror thing. 102 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:46,294 Simple. Elegant. 103 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,362 Okay, limited-time offer: 104 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,064 I need a "bro" for my bro-ings on about town. 105 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,634 How would you like to be said bro? 106 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,503 Well, as tempting as that sounds, 107 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,904 I'm hanging out with my friend 108 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:57,705 who just got dumped. 109 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,474 She really needs some support... 110 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:04,011 or a stranger's tongue down her throat. 111 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,946 That seems healthy. 112 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:07,881 All right. 113 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:08,982 Guess I'm in. 114 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,153 So... 115 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,923 one more week and it'll be a month. 116 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,358 Really? Are you sure? 117 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:20,127 Wow, that snuck up on me. 118 00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,495 Oh, come on. 119 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,264 The 18th can't get here fast enough. 120 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,599 Wait, the 18th? 121 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,134 Oh, crap! 122 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,336 I can't believe I forgot this-- 123 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,003 I'm going to be out of town on the 18th! 124 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,105 Oh. 125 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,375 Well, um, we can just... 126 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,709 wait until you get back. 127 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,245 I mean, the whole point was not to rush into this. 128 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,347 Yeah. 129 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,781 Or we could do it tonight. 130 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,650 75th and Amsterdam. 131 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,092 I'm so glad we decided to just stay home. 132 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,160 Oh, I know. 133 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,362 Can you imagine if we'd gone? 134 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,563 We'd be just getting there now, 135 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,697 all tired and cranky. 136 00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:59,467 And yet we'd feel obligated to have sex. 137 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,370 Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it. 138 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:08,776 I would like to propose a toast. 139 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,645 To the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever. 140 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:12,513 Ah... 141 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,650 ( gargling ) 142 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,757 I'm so glad you have to go to your parents' next weekend. 143 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,759 I'm so glad your roommates are out of town. 144 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,429 ( whispering ): Oh, my God, what are they doing home? 145 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,663 ( whispering ): They think we went away. 146 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,603 Oh, it is on for my boy, Ted. 147 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,839 But we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom. 148 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,707 They don't know that. 149 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,809 All we have to do is hide out in here 150 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,311 until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom. 151 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,080 But I don't want to hide out in here. 152 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:50,384 Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. 153 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,652 If we go out there 154 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,286 and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. 155 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,623 Then one of us is going to have to have sex with Ted, 156 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,957 and... ( scoffs )... not going to be me. 157 00:05:58,492 --> 00:05:59,527 Okay, fine. 158 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,562 ( sighs ) 159 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,130 I guess I'll actually floss. 160 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,972 You suited up! 161 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,041 Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, 162 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,075 I'm going to do this right. 163 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,778 Emilio? The woman will have... 164 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,514 I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, 165 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,115 and a Montecristo No. 2 166 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,383 Thanks. 167 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:27,588 Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. "The Torpedo." 168 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:30,390 Or, as the rollers call it, "Piramide." 169 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,527 My father was a cigar fanatic, 170 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,328 it was the only way to get his attention. 171 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,431 Father issues. 172 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:38,966 Hot. ( laughs ) 173 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:42,169 I know-- I was this close to being a huge slut. 174 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,905 Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro. 175 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,974 Especially now that Ted's with Victoria 176 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:47,875 and can't drink. 177 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,143 Because he's pregnant. 178 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,247 Cause he's the girl. 179 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,916 Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant. 180 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,952 You need to have sex to get pregnant. 181 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,554 What up! 182 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:01,889 Freeze frame high five! 183 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,529 I think this may be a perfect moment. 184 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,765 I wish we could hold onto it forever. 185 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,033 No. 186 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,536 Because the beauty of a moment 187 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,804 is that it's fleeting. 188 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,806 By its very nature, it... 189 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:22,510 slips through our fingers... 190 00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,612 making it that much more precious. 191 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,582 Ugh, that is bad. 192 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:32,686 That is, like, high-school- literary-magazine bad. 193 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,556 And they're not even high. 194 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,625 It's actually working. 195 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,160 Yeah, smooth but slowly. 196 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,595 God, close the deal, already. 197 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,730 It's been, like, 45 minutes-- 198 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,965 we could have had sex three times by now. 199 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,166 Yeah, try five. 200 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,167 What up! 201 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,904 Maybe we should just go out there. 202 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,272 No way! 203 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,874 We can't go out there now, 204 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,609 they'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom 205 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,644 the whole time. 206 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,078 It'll be too weird. 207 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,247 Fine. 208 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,515 But if we're stuck in here... 209 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,551 I'm turning up the volume. 210 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,118 Shh. Shh. 211 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,760 I want to know you. 212 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,696 Like, know your soul. 213 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:18,832 Ted, what makes you cry? 214 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,736 Could you hold my hair back, 215 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,037 I think I'm going to hurl. 216 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,107 So. 217 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,376 What do you and Ted usually do after the cigar bar? 218 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,211 ( laughing ): Are you kidding? 219 00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:32,179 Ted's never been here. 220 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,413 You've already 221 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,282 flown higher and faster than he ever did. 222 00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,517 Still... 223 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:38,451 What? 224 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,287 Eh. 225 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,258 There is one other thing we could do. 226 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,293 If you're up for it. 227 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,698 ( laser beams chirping ) 228 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,300 I had no idea laser tag still existed! 229 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,268 Yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again. 230 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,369 I give it two months. 231 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,705 Oh, I believe it-- this is awesome! 232 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,106 Okay, follow my lead, stay low, 233 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,208 and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a... 234 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,009 ( laser beams chirping ) 235 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,645 Scherbotsky, you have to focus! 236 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,014 You just saved my life, didn't you? 237 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,281 Thank me later. 238 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,583 Let's keep moving. 239 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,152 These little bastards are everywhere. 240 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,721 ( both shouting ) 241 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,126 He's just staring into her eyes. 242 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,462 I don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly 243 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,032 into each other than Ted and Victoria. 244 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,566 Now look at us. 245 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:27,701 Yeah... 246 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,170 now we just make fun of people like that. 247 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,772 It's the circle of life. 248 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,241 No, I'm serious, Marshall. 249 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,011 I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. 250 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,048 And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom. 251 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:44,351 Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. 252 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,219 This is their first time. 253 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,756 Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. 254 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,224 Now, you just say, "Want to do it?" 255 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,125 And I say, "Yeah." 256 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,162 Want to... 257 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,597 No! 258 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,934 Maybe we're just out of firsts. 259 00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,881 Looks like they're about to have theirs. 260 00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,454 Should we take this to the bedroom? 261 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,389 ( whispering ): Yes! Yes! 262 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:24,658 Yes. 263 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,859 Yes! Yes! 264 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,930 ( cell phone ringing ) 265 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:30,831 No. 266 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:31,732 No, don't answer it! 267 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,566 ( cell phone ringing ) 268 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,135 You can answer it. 269 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,369 We have all night. 270 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,404 You're answering it? 271 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,806 He's answering it! No! 272 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,408 Do her! Do her now! 273 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,542 Sure. 274 00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:43,844 Good luck with that. 275 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,613 Sorry about that. 276 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,882 How about a little more wine? 277 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,684 I'll get another bottle. 278 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,385 Thank you. 279 00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,022 I need a drink. 280 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,958 Do we have any cough syrup in here? 281 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:58,992 Shh... 282 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,396 ( driving rock music, children yelling ) 283 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,397 ( screams ) 284 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,133 ( laser blasts ) 285 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,634 Oh, God. 286 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,903 These brats have us completely surrounded. 287 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,105 I counted nine, maybe ten. 288 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,607 I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it. 289 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,876 No. Leave no man behind. 290 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,078 Either we all get out of here or no one does. 291 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,646 But I... Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky. 292 00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,882 See you on the other side. 293 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:28,221 ( screaming ) 294 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,992 ( laser blasts ) 295 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,727 Damn. 296 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,228 Want to go get a soft pretzel? 297 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,163 Yeah. All right. 298 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:41,034 Marshall, what happened to us? 299 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:44,872 We used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. 300 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,307 Have we lost that? 301 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,143 Maybe. 302 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,483 But I think I just found it. 303 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,451 Right here. 304 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,823 Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering 305 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,959 with just a hint of crazy eyes. 306 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,761 Oh. 307 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:12,432 Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. 308 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,773 Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? 309 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,374 Oh, damn it. It's all right. 310 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,275 We can do this. 311 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,244 Let's just hold hands. 312 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,917 This is nice. 313 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,221 Oh. 314 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,688 You love that move. 315 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,557 It's a classic Marshall. 316 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,894 Great, we totally suck at this. 317 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,763 We really, really need to get out of here. 318 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:44,932 Well, we can't. 319 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,801 Baby, there's something I have to do, 320 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,803 and if I do it in front of you, 321 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:53,140 it'll change the entire nature of our relationship. 322 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,241 What is it? 323 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,509 I have to pee. 324 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,684 This is bad. Yeah. 325 00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,387 We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. 326 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,858 You always think there'll be more time. 327 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,960 Look at us. 328 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,095 We're basically an old married couple, 329 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,396 and we're not even married yet. 330 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,566 The flame of our romance is flickering, 331 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,936 and if I pee all over it, it might go out forever. 332 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,205 How much longer do you think you can hold it? 333 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,407 I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew 334 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,276 during that Quantum Leap marathon. 335 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,412 Oh, boy. 336 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,350 Playing laser tag really takes me back. 337 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,351 ( chuckles ) 338 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,553 You know what game I really miss? Battleship. 339 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,355 I've never lost a game. 340 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,623 Neither have I. 341 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,624 Of course I cheat. 342 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,658 Oh, yeah, me, too. 343 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,726 The trick is to bend 344 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,061 the aircraft carrier so it makes an L. 345 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,730 Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other. 346 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,032 Nice. 347 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,800 You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. 348 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,769 I think I still have a... 349 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,938 Hello. Target acquired. 350 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:58,972 Hottie by the jukebox. 351 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,740 BARNEY: Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky. 352 00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,842 I got someone for you. 353 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:03,911 Two o'clock, blue shirt. 354 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,680 That's a woman. 355 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,216 Oh, my mistake. 356 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,919 Or is it? 357 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,653 Let's just focus on your target. 358 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,587 Right. 359 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,591 I got this one. 360 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:23,964 Oh, my God. 361 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,565 I love your jeans. 362 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,134 Okay. 363 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,501 Is this a lesbian bar? 364 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,237 Because that girl with the blue shirt just... 365 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,171 Oh, no. 366 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,106 I am all about the dudes. 367 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:34,942 Although pickings are pretty slim tonight. 368 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,277 Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, 369 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,645 and he's playing hard to get. 370 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,147 ( woman giggles ) 371 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,348 Really? 372 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,050 'Cause he's totally vibing me right now. 373 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,884 ( woman giggles ) 374 00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:47,955 Must be the jeans. 375 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,023 Well, jeans will only get you so far. 376 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,658 I'm going home with him. 377 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,426 ( laughs ) 378 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,394 We'll see about that. 379 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,130 ( gasps ) 380 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,640 Oh, my God, I hate Ted. 381 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,509 I hate him so much. 382 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,478 Baby, why don't you just go? 383 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,581 Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other. 384 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,915 No, but we haven't, 385 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,051 because I want to keep some of the mystery alive. 386 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,520 Well, you have farted in front of me. 387 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,756 Yes, but I always cover it with a cough. 388 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:27,027 You always do. 389 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:33,700 Hey. 390 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,867 Hey. Let's get out of here. 391 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:35,802 Let's go somewhere else. 392 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:36,869 What happened? 393 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,638 Eh, you sometimes like to do 394 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,573 a little catch and release. 395 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,741 But why? 396 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,311 Leave no man behind. 397 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,814 Either we all score or no one scores. 398 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,449 Right on. 399 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,552 Hey, you want to go play Battleship? Hit! 400 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,803 Ted, I can't wait any longer. 401 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,005 Should we move to the bedroom? 402 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,074 There's no time for that. 403 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:19,279 They can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, 404 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,314 but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom? 405 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,351 Baby, I can't hold it in any longer. 406 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,418 It's time. 407 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,720 I know. 408 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,490 I love you, Marshall. 409 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,259 I love you, Lily. 410 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,666 There we go. 411 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,101 You know, Barney, I had 412 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,835 a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight. 413 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,204 Well, you make a good bro. 414 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,406 ( chuckles ) You're a better Ted than Ted. 415 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,840 Hey, in fact, 416 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,242 you have just earned yourself 417 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,477 an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. 418 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,745 And you don't even have to come out of the cake. 419 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,447 Thanks. 420 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,484 And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. 421 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,587 I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship. 422 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:01,621 Come on, boys. 423 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,158 Hard-core? 424 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,361 That's the only way I play. 425 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,969 I found it. 426 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,338 Are you ready to... 427 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,006 What the hell are you doing? 428 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,210 I'm birthday suiting up. 429 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,545 I'm sorry, did you want to undress me? 430 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,348 No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends. 431 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,117 Oh, come on, you have been 432 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,884 throwing yourself at me all night. 433 00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,353 What?! I did the opposite! 434 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,821 I threw some other girl at you. 435 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,758 You invited me up to your apartment to "play Battleship." 436 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,761 Is that not an internationally recognized term for sex? 437 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:42,662 No. 438 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,099 Great. 439 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,067 I hope you're happy. 440 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,702 You sunk my battleship. 441 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,108 I'm okay. 442 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,276 You okay? 443 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,115 I feel the same. 444 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,551 And yet, strangely different. 445 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:09,055 I'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us. 446 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,425 You had to do it, sweetie... 447 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:13,893 for Ted. 448 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,162 And, hey, look, at least now 449 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,063 we can stay in here as long as it takes. 450 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,331 Yeah. 451 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,368 I guess our relationship had to take a hit 452 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,436 so a new one out there could blossom. 453 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,040 ( toilet flushes ) 454 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,242 ( whispers ): Oh, crap! 455 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,178 They must have heard that. 456 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,448 Well, I guess we can come out now. 457 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,058 I don't believe it. 458 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,460 They're gone. 459 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,095 Good. 460 00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,231 'Cause I got to take a whiz. 461 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,134 Okay, you and me, 462 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:56,503 that's insane. 463 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,371 If you even thought about it for one second... 464 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,873 But I have thought about it, and it makes a lot of sense. 465 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,276 We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. 466 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,111 We both want something casual and fun. 467 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,613 And we clearly get along really well. 468 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,617 Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. 469 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,152 But what about Ted? 470 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,655 I checked with Ted. 471 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,724 Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going 472 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,392 pretty well, I assume you're over all the girls 473 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,727 you were into before, right? 474 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,330 I take your silence as a yes, so say I were to hook up 475 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,131 with someone, say Robin, you'd be cool with that, right? 476 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,098 ( chuckles ) Sure. 477 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,133 Good luck with that. Ha! 478 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,901 Totally gave us his blessing. 479 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:29,969 Really? 480 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,638 Really. 481 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:35,242 So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me? 482 00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,176 Didn't care at all. 483 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:43,816 Oh. 484 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,618 Oh... 485 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,553 What? 486 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,321 You like Ted. 487 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,589 I didn't say I liked Ted. 488 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,724 You like Ted. 489 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:52,692 Wow. 490 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,961 This is huge. 491 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,663 Barney, I don't like Ted. 492 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,631 He's moved on, and I'm really happy for... 493 00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,666 Yeah, yeah. 494 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,634 Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what? 495 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:14,414 You're not gonna tell him, are you? 496 00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,283 No. 497 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,552 That's the bro code. 498 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,554 A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro 499 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,456 that a third bro has a crush on him. 500 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,394 Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro 501 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,762 that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. 502 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,899 It's quid pro bro. 503 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,901 ( chuckles ) 504 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:35,968 A-7. 505 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,571 Miss. Of course. 506 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:41,741 Well, we still have one frontier left. 507 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:44,210 Still got the deuce. 508 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,347 Not making me feel better. 509 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,919 Well, it certainly was a first. 510 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,356 It was, wasn't it? 511 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,358 We still have firsts. 512 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,393 Of course we do. 513 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,729 And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now. 514 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:05,532 I want to know you. 515 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,936 Like, know your soul. 516 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:14,807 Marshall, what makes you cry? 517 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:19,946 This moment is fleeting 518 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,982 because it's being chased by another moment. 519 00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:26,619 Oh, just grab my boob already. 520 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,891 Come on, guys, get a room.