1 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,817 When you're single, and your friends start to get married, 2 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,319 every wedding invitation 3 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,354 presents a strange moment of self-evaluation: 4 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,456 "Will you be bringing a guest 5 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,991 or will you be attending alone?" 6 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,993 What it's really asking is, 7 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,961 "Where do you see yourself in three months? 8 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,098 "Sitting next to your girlfriend 9 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,066 or hitting on a bridesmaid?" 10 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,001 I always checked that I was bringing a guest. 11 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,204 I was an optimist. 12 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,474 Who the hell am I gonna bring to this wedding? 13 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,343 Ted, have you ignored all my teachings? 14 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,944 For the most part, yeah. 15 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,879 No, you don't bring a date to a wedding. 16 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,115 That's like bringing a deer carcass 17 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,282 on a hunting trip. 18 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,884 Oh, Ted. Oh, Ted. No-- no date. 19 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,220 Deer carcass? Really? 20 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,721 That's the metaphor you're going with here? 21 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,423 Ted, it's a simile. 22 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,890 Well, it's too late now. 23 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,259 If I don't bring a date, 24 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,961 a $200 piece of chicken/salmon will go uneaten. 25 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:02,663 I got to bring someone, but who? 26 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,532 Of course, I knew who I wanted to bring. 27 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,768 Robin-- the big unanswered question in my life. 28 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,370 Problem was, she was dating 29 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,239 this really rich guy named Derek. 30 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,573 ( scoffs ) 31 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,275 Derek. 32 00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:17,245 Well, Derek and I just broke up. 33 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,579 LILY: Oh, no, that's terrible! 34 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,214 MARSHALL: Oh... Are you okay? 35 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,882 Yeah, do you need a drink or something? Nah... 36 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,251 We never really clicked. 37 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,186 I felt bad, though. He was pretty bummed. 38 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,487 Aw, don't beat yourself up. 39 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,421 He'll be fine. 40 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,956 I mean, the guy's, like, a billionaire. 41 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,090 He can put his platinum card 42 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,259 on a fishing line 43 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,893 and reel in ten chicks hotter than you. 44 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,563 Thanks. I feel a lot better. 45 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,566 I think I'll get that drink now. 46 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,168 Okay, guys, 47 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,835 I got to say something. 48 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,738 I think my feelings for Robin may be resurfacing. 49 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:45,973 ( laughing ) 50 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,275 Oh, please-- 51 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,277 they were buried in a shallow grave. 52 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,744 MARSHALL: Not again. 53 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,180 Come on. Dude? 54 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:53,847 We all know how this movie ends. 55 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:54,848 Ted falls in love, 56 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,717 love kicks Ted in the sprouts, 57 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,186 roll credits. 58 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,488 No, you guys just have to look at the whole picture. 59 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:01,689 Fact: 60 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,158 Robin was into me when we first met. 61 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,459 Fact: 62 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,027 Even though she didn't want a relationship, 63 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,129 we had an amazing kiss on the roof. 64 00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,398 Fact: 65 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,501 On New Year's Eve, we kissed again. 66 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,235 Fact: 67 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,270 I need a date to this wedding. 68 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,206 Wish me luck. 69 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,975 What I don't get is why is Claudia marrying Stuart? 70 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,644 She's way hotter than him. 71 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:24,778 How way? 72 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,680 Way way. 73 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,784 This wedding does sound pretty amazing, though. 74 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:34,255 Fancy hotel ballroom, everybody all dressed up... 75 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,989 Oh, here we go. 76 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,425 What? We can't get 77 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,759 anywhere with our wedding plans 78 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,160 because I want it to be fun 79 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,595 and Marshall wants it to be lame. 80 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,564 Oh, yeah. Okay, that's a pretty fair assessment 81 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,233 of our two arguments. I thought so. 82 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,400 MARSHALL: You know what? 83 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,436 Excuse me if I don't want to get married 84 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,338 barefoot in the woods next to 85 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,872 Lake No-One's-Going- To-Drive-That-Far. 86 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,207 Yes. 87 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,442 I want a ballroom, 88 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,611 and I want a band, and I want shoes. 89 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,112 I've been dreaming about this day 90 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,180 since I was, like... 91 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,482 A little girl? 92 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,650 ( Barney laughs ) 93 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,551 What up! 94 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,018 Okay. I'm just saying that 95 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,521 it's my wedding, too, and I should have a say in it. 96 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,022 Yes, but I'm the bride, so I win. 97 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,825 Well, I thought marriage was about two equal partners 98 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:12,993 sharing a life together. 99 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,263 Right, but I'm the bride, so I win. 100 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,332 I mean, seriously-- Claudia and Stuart? 101 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,333 I mean, I've hooked up 102 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,034 with the odd lass who was beneath 103 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,403 my level of attractiveness, 104 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,538 but, you know, I was drunk. 105 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,007 There's no way Claudia has been drunk for three years. 106 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,476 TED: You know, 107 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,077 I've always found that the best way 108 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,379 to get over a failed relationship 109 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,847 is to celebrate someone else's successful one. 110 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,816 Oh, it makes sense. 111 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,618 So, with that in mind, uh, 112 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:38,886 our friends Claudia and Stuart 113 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,154 are having this crazy black-tie wedding on Saturday. 114 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,790 You want to be my plus one? 115 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,525 Ooh... "Plus one." 116 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,660 You make it sound so romantic. 117 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,096 Fine. 118 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,598 You want to be my date? 119 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,166 Your date? 120 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,302 I'd love to. 121 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,770 How fancy are we talking about here? 122 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,406 Oh, you're going to want to bring your "A" game. 123 00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,340 Oh, I'll bring it. 124 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,508 I'll bring it so hard, 125 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,909 the bride's going to look like 126 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,411 a big white bag of crap. 127 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,079 Lily? 128 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,080 I need a dress. ( gasps ) 129 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,682 You're going? That's awesome! 130 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,618 Oh, my God. Four days to find a dress? 131 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,152 I know. It's a suicide mission. 132 00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,354 Well, if we leave now... 133 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,289 we can still have a fighting chance. 134 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:15,989 ROBIN: Let's do it! 135 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,491 Bye, babe. 136 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,427 Whoa! 137 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,861 Did you see how fired up she was? 138 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,029 I don't know, 139 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,063 there's something there. 140 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,332 And, come Saturday, a little music, 141 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,966 a little dancing, a lot of champagne... 142 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,134 Who knows? 143 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,602 Wow. Ted, you're going to have to find 144 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,937 another gender for yourself, 145 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,540 'cause I'm revoking your "dude" membership. 146 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,775 Yeah... how was that manicure yesterday? 147 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,678 Invigorating, thanks. 148 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,714 Okay, I wasn't going to say it in front of the guys, 149 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:44,051 but back then I really thought that's how it worked. 150 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:48,489 * * 151 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,624 You put yourself and a girl you like 152 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,793 in some romantic setting... 153 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,662 * * 154 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,130 ...the stars line up... 155 00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,032 and shazam. 156 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,537 I know now that life is never that simple. 157 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,639 Hey, Claudia! Huh... 158 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,908 Yes, I want Tahitian Vanilla! 159 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,377 You wrote it down wrong? 160 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,878 No, no, no, no, listen to me-- 161 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,179 if I go to my wedding 162 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,581 and the cake is not Tahitian Vanilla, 163 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,715 I will come down there 164 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,417 and burn your little shop to the ground! 165 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,218 Do you want to find out if I'm kidding? 166 00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,253 Yeah, good-bye. 167 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,922 Hey! 168 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,857 How's it going? 169 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,727 My wedding is in two days-- that's how it's going. 170 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,729 Oh, don't worry. It's going to be great. I'm so excited. 171 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,831 Well, you should be-- lots of single girls. 172 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,534 Oh, well, yeah, I'm... bringing a date, 173 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,235 so I'll be off the market. 174 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,837 What? 175 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:37,471 I'm bringing a date. 176 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,072 You're not bringing a date. 177 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,108 Uh... yes, I am. 178 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,776 Uh, no, you're not. 179 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,945 I checked "plus one." No, you didn't. 180 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,615 Claudia, I'm pretty sure I checked... 181 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,982 Ted, you did not check "plus one"! 182 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,952 You are not bringing a date to my wedding! 183 00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,326 But I already invited someone. 184 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,628 You are not bringing a guest, Ted! 185 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,497 The guest list has been closed for months-- months! 186 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:04,765 But I checked "plus one"! 187 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,199 I always check "plus one"! 188 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,135 You absolutely did not check "plus one"! If you had checked 189 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,471 "plus one," I would have called you to get the name of your guest, 190 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:13,607 so I could have the place cards printed up. Did I call you to get the name of your guest? 191 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,208 Is there a place card with her name printed on it? 192 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:18,011 She doesn't need a place card. She knows her name. 193 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,648 What's she eating?! Huh?! You ordered the chicken. What did she order? 194 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,716 Do you see how your story is full of holes? 195 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,953 Come on, Claudia. We go way back. 196 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,588 Isn't there room for just one more person? 197 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,990 Don't make me hurt you, Ted. 198 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,125 I don't believe this! 199 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,527 Claudia's crazy! 200 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,029 But, to be fair, she's also hot. 201 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,865 I totally checked "plus one." I'm sure I did. 202 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:38,666 Yeah, right. 203 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,366 I did! 204 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,501 Yeah, I don't think you did. 205 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,535 You know why? 206 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,770 Because, deep down, you didn't want 207 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,237 to show up at this thing with a date. 208 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,072 See, for all your big talk 209 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,339 about being ready 210 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,708 for a relationship, 211 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,642 deep down, you're single. 212 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,078 It's your default setting. 213 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,814 Ted, you know what's in the back of your brain? 214 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,349 Oh, great. Here comes the little Barney speech. 215 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,218 Behind a curtain, in a dark little room 216 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,420 secretly controlling your every move? 217 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,990 MARSHALL AND TED: A little Barney... 218 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,425 A little Barney. 219 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,761 And you know what he said? 220 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:08,862 ( with funny voice ): "Ted... 221 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,431 "you will bring no dates to this wedding. 222 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:12,533 "You... 223 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,035 "will hit on drunk bridesmaids 224 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,804 with actual-size Barney." 225 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,205 ( laughing ) Wow. Please stop. 226 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,241 I got to call Claudia. If I just explain to her... 227 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,676 Ted, no! Let it go. 228 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:23,811 She's about to get married. 229 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,245 She's got enough to worry about. 230 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,379 Then what am I going to do? 231 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,815 The only thing you can do-- 232 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,550 tell Robin she can't come. 233 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:30,718 ( exasperated sigh ) 234 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,556 LILY: Just a second! 235 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,691 ( dogs barking inside ) 236 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,226 Hey! Hey. Listen... 237 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,260 Wait. Two things. 238 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,562 First of all... 239 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,296 I have been laying groundwork all afternoon. 240 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,598 Totally subtle, totally cool, 241 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,634 not pushing, not even nudging, just: 242 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,836 the theme of today is, "Ted rocks." 243 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,638 And she's picking up what I'm laying down. 244 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,505 Lily, there's a problem... Wait, no. 245 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,307 Thing number two: the dress. 246 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,643 We got a dress. 247 00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,647 Go. 248 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,414 ROBIN: Well? 249 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,618 Did I bring it, or... 250 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,419 did I bring it? 251 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,188 I think I brought it. 252 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,423 Wow. 253 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,325 That's what I was going for. 254 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,696 I'm so excited about tomorrow. We're going to have so much fun. 255 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,264 Yeah, about that... 256 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,835 I'll pick you up at 5:00. 257 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,845 So? The dress? 258 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,514 I don't have a plus one for the wedding. What? 259 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,949 I ran into Claudia, and she told me 260 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,618 I didn't check "plus one" on the reply card. 261 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,086 Why didn't you check "plus..."? 262 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,588 I did check "plus one." 263 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,322 But Robin is so excited. 264 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,423 I know. 265 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,424 And the dress! 266 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,593 I know. Uh... 267 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,660 Okay, okay. 268 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,928 Well, we'll sneak her in. 269 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,363 We can't sneak her in. We're not ninjas. 270 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,332 Oh, I wish we were ninjas. 271 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,301 I know. 272 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,136 You could always ask Stuart. 273 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,304 Can I do that? 274 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,572 Well, sure. 275 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,941 You guys have been friends for a long time. 276 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,143 And it's 40% his wedding, too. 277 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,312 I don't know. 278 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,614 It's going to be a tough sell. 279 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,248 Dude, no problem whatsoever. 280 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,349 Really? 281 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,951 Sure. The more the merrier. 282 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,186 Wow! Wow, thanks for being so cool about this, 'cause 283 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,222 you know, Claudia said... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 284 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,691 This morning at the rehearsal, Claudia called 285 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,393 our seven-year-old flower girl a whore. 286 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,595 So, don't take it personally. 287 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,796 She's just a little stressed. 288 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,531 Yeah, she's not usually like that. 289 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,933 No. 290 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,903 Well, thanks, Stu! 291 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,772 It's going to be a great wedding. 292 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,844 Honey, this magazine says more and more couples 293 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,578 are opting to have nontraditional weddings 294 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,647 out in the woods. 295 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,014 Well, if a magazine says so, 296 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,716 we should go get married in the woods, 297 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,451 like a couple of squirrels. 298 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,420 Squirrels don't get married, Marshall. 299 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:50,123 Like you could possibly know that. 300 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,059 I did it. 301 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,061 I did it. I'm taking her to the wedding. 302 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,663 Nice! What? How? 303 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,630 I talked to Stuart. 304 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,698 ( groans ) 305 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,099 You went around the bride. 306 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,502 "Oh, this hornets' nest looks harmless. 307 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,471 Maybe I'll poke it with a stick." 308 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,739 "Oh, look, some Gremlins. 309 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,274 Let me go feed them after midnight!" 310 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,776 Did you know about this? 311 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,378 It may have been my idea. 312 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,245 ( sighs ) 313 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,480 What? 314 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,115 Stuart doesn't get a say? 315 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,684 Ah! So you admit it-- 316 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,051 the groom should have an equal say. 317 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,588 Well, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff, like who comes. 318 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,091 So I can invite whoever I want? 319 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,694 Sure. There's plenty of room in the woods. 320 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,062 ( cell phone ringing ) 321 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,297 It's Claudia. 322 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,631 Uh! 323 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,333 So it begins. 324 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,835 Come on, it can't be that bad. 325 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:35,635 ( ringing continues ) 326 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,569 Here, Lily, 327 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,437 you answer it. 328 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,739 What? Why? 329 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,674 Because this whole thing was your idea. 330 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,309 And... Claudia scares me. But... but you're the... 331 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,276 But I just want to... 332 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,412 Oh! ( groans ) 333 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,513 Ted's phone. 334 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,181 Oh, hi, Claudia. 335 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,217 What? 336 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,686 Now, I wasn't there, but from what I heard, 337 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,187 it went something like this... 338 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,789 Oh, by the way, honey, Ted stopped by 339 00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,991 and I told him he could bring his date to the wedding. 340 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,659 You what? 341 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:03,030 ( argument in fast forward ) 342 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,132 ...always undermining me at every turn... 343 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:08,335 ( argument in fast forward ) 344 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,204 ...try to show a little flexibility, but no! 345 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,139 It's all about you! 346 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,175 ( argument in fast forward ) 347 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,844 ...and your mother... 348 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:20,147 ( argument in fast forward ) 349 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,681 You know what? 350 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:22,883 The wedding's off! 351 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,252 ( door slams ) 352 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,354 They broke up! 353 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,388 Ow! 354 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,389 Uh-huh. 355 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,724 Uh-huh. 356 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,691 It's not because of me, is it? 357 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:32,993 Uh-huh. 358 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,929 And my dad already paid for this huge wedding! 359 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,965 Oh, he's going to kill me! 360 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,900 And then he's gonna kill Ted! 361 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,769 Then I'm gonna kill Ted. ( phone ringing ) 362 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,336 It's Robin. 363 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,471 Answer it! 364 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,839 Uh, Lily's phone. 365 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,008 Ted, where's Lily? I need to tell her 366 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,277 about these awesome shoes I just bought. 367 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,045 Uh, Lily's busy. 368 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,914 Oh, okay, well, I just wanted to say 369 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,949 they're gorgeous, and Ted's going to love them. 370 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,918 That's great. I'll tell Lily to tell me. 371 00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,753 Uh, listen, I really want to keep talking, 372 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,855 um, but now's not a good time, 373 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,690 so I'm really excited about tomorrow. Okay, bye. 374 00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:04,792 Bye-bye. 375 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:06,894 Crap! She bought some expensive shoes. 376 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,762 She's really looking forward to this. 377 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,264 Do you think she's into me? Ted, focus! 378 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,967 Okay, okay, sweetie, just calm down. 379 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,903 Do you want to go somewhere and talk? 380 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,005 I want to go somewhere and drink! 381 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,572 Okay, meet me at MacLaren's. 382 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,908 I'll see you there. 383 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,777 Oh, I feel terrible. Well, feel terrible later. 384 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,045 Right now, we gotta fix this. 385 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,746 Lily, you go down to the bar and comfort Claudia. 386 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,149 Ted and I will go and try to talk some sense into Stuart. 387 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,651 Right. Um, tell Claudia I'm sorry. 388 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:32,786 Did she seem pissed at me? 389 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,055 She said, if there's no wedding tomorrow, 390 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,257 you owe her father $400,000. 391 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,759 What say we get these crazy kids 392 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,962 back together? 393 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,868 Hi, sad eyes. 394 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,070 What's got you down? 395 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:54,341 ( weepy ): Stuart and I just broke up. 396 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,944 Oh, God. I'm so sorry. 397 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,711 That's just... that's... 398 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,013 Two vodka cranberries, please. 399 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,416 You remembered I drink vodka cranberries. 400 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,651 Remember? 401 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,387 When it comes to you, how can I forget? 402 00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,425 They all drink vodka cranberries. 403 00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:18,031 So... is there anything else you need... sweetie? 404 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,601 You got $400,000? 405 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,003 ( chuckling ): No. 406 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,272 But I do have a hug. 407 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,545 ( softly ): Thank you. 408 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,820 Stuart, I-I don't know what to say. 409 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,789 If I caused this in any way... Ted, for all I know, you did me 410 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:43,957 the biggest favor anyone's ever done me. 411 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,792 Oh, come on, man, you don't mean that. 412 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,760 No, I do. This whole thing has made me 413 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,962 realize I miss being single. 414 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,230 I miss staying out late, 415 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,032 and making messes and not cleaning them up. 416 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,833 I miss owning porn. 417 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,802 Dude, who doesn't? 418 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,104 And, you know, I'll see 419 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,906 some super-hot model chick, and I'll think, 420 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,340 "Why am I with Claudia? 421 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,341 I could be with her." 422 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,842 ( laughing ): That's just crazy! 423 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,878 I mean... 424 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,379 you're the luckiest... 425 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,280 You and Claudia both... 426 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,848 The point is, I want to get married. 427 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,417 I want to settle down, but right now, 428 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,551 that's just not who I am. 429 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,887 I'm not a commitment guy. I'm a single guy. 430 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,855 Stuart, you don't have to be one or the other. 431 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,125 Everybody feels this way sometimes. 432 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,194 Relationships aren't easy. They're hard work. 433 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,163 It's about compromise, growing together, 434 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,864 all that Dr. Phil crap. 435 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,066 How would you know? You're not even married. 436 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,800 Okay, ask this guy. 437 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,402 Nine years he's been with Lily. 438 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,404 He's the pro. This guy knows relationships. 439 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,239 Tell him, Marshall. 440 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,508 Stuart, don't get married. 441 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,609 Dude... What? 442 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,978 Look, I'm sorry. 443 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,579 Being in a couple is hard. 444 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,983 And committing, making sacrifices-- it's hard. 445 00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,818 But, if it's the right person, then it's easy. 446 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,287 Looking at that girl and knowing she's all 447 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,089 you really want out of life-- that should be 448 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,657 the easiest thing in the world. 449 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,660 And, if it's not like that, then she's not the one. 450 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,162 I'm sorry. 451 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:03,170 You know I don't have $400,000, right? 452 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,039 Maybe we got together too young. 453 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,608 Maybe that's what the problem was. 454 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,212 I mean, I'm 28 years old, 455 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:16,416 and I've really only ever been with one man. 456 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,750 ( whimpers ) 457 00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,420 That's just, that's... 458 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:24,891 Two more vodka cranberries, please! 459 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:29,662 Claudia... it's all gonna be okay. 460 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,465 Oh, thanks for listening, Barney. 461 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:33,666 ( chuckles ) 462 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,368 It really means a lot to me. 463 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,904 Isn't it weird that we should... 464 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,307 run into each other like this? 465 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:45,445 Two souls, of equal levels of attractiveness, 466 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:48,948 both fitting together like two pieces 467 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:52,852 of a very attractive puzzle. 468 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,287 Oh, hell, no! 469 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,823 Ow! Ow! Ow! 470 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,858 Claudia is getting married tomorrow! 471 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,393 And, so help me God, 472 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,596 if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, 473 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,433 I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles, 474 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,136 and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out, 475 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,438 and then I'll feed them to you like grapes! 476 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,873 Wait, my eyes or my testicles? 477 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,642 One of each. 478 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,977 All right! All right! 479 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,846 Claudia? 480 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,448 Stuart. 481 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,782 I'm so sorry. 482 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:23,883 I'm so sorry, too. 483 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,984 I love you. 484 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,319 I love you too, babe. 485 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,554 Marshall and Ted set me straight. 486 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,822 And, when Marshall told me not to marry you, 487 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,024 it made me realize I... 488 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,193 Marshall said what?! 489 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,394 It's more complicated than that! 490 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,229 He made me realize how much I love you. 491 00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:37,630 These guys got us back together. 492 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,467 Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool. 493 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,084 So where did we land on the whole plus one thing? 494 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,486 No, no, no, no! 495 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:03,323 TED: It took three more vodka cranberries to subdue Claudia 496 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,358 but, eventually, she graciously agreed 497 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,127 to let me bring Robin. 498 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,398 Still wow. 499 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,865 Wow yourself. 500 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,467 Look who else brought it. 501 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,468 Oh, yeah. 502 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,769 I thought about leaving it at home, 503 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,771 but I figured I don't want to get there and realize 504 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,641 I need it and have to go all the way back to get it. 505 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,743 So, yeah, I brought it. 506 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,512 ( phone rings ) 507 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,815 Oh, sorry. 508 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,550 Hello. 509 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,520 Oh, my God. Tonight? 510 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:34,621 You're kidding. 511 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,523 They want me to anchor the news tonight. 512 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,291 Really? 513 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,094 Like anchor anchor? 514 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,795 ( sighs ) 515 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,397 What happened to Sandy? 516 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,965 Okay. 517 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,567 Okay. Sure. 518 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,669 What time do you need me to... right now?! 519 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,970 Oh. 520 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,173 Do it. 521 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,443 Do it. 522 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,114 Okay, I need, like, five minutes to change, 523 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,882 and, um, I'll call you from the cab... 524 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:07,620 * I've seen a million faces * 525 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:12,892 * But still, my heart embraces... * 526 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,261 So admit it. 527 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:18,030 This wedding is both indoors and amazing. 528 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,632 I'll give you the crab puffs. 529 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:20,900 The crab puffs are good. 530 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,369 The crab puffs were incredible. 531 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,003 We should totally have them at our wedding. 532 00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,873 Definitely. Hey. 533 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,341 We just agreed on something. 534 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,943 Did we just start planning our wedding? 535 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,479 I think that we did. 536 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,684 We totally have to get that brown dipping sauce. 537 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,487 Ooh, I thought the red sauce was, like, awesome. 538 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,590 My God! Were you born without taste buds? 539 00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:44,524 ( chuckles ) 540 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,125 ( chuckles ) What? 541 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,627 I love you. 542 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,631 * No, nobody * 543 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,501 * Like you... * 544 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,270 Coming up, are there snakes living in your walls? 545 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,673 The answer may surprise you... after the break. 546 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,976 * * 547 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,579 ( chuckling ) 548 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,081 Man, you know something? 549 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,383 Stuart's my new hero. 550 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,151 If that dude can bag a nine, 551 00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:15,688 I got to be able to bag, like, a 16. 552 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,656 What's a 16? 553 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,891 Those two eights right over there. 554 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,027 Yeah. 555 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,895 Hi, Ted. 556 00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,297 Claudia. 557 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,699 We just wanted to get a picture with the woman 558 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,668 who almost ended our relationship. 559 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,536 Yeah, where is she? 560 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:33,706 Um... she couldn't make it. 561 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,008 ( laughing ) 562 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,944 What's so funny? 563 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,045 Oh, plan a wedding. 564 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,680 You'll see. 565 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:45,985 Look at that. 566 00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,854 That's how it's supposed to be. 567 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,121 That right there. 568 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,724 Easy, simple. 569 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,261 It's just not like that with Robin. 570 00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:57,029 It's not easy and, on some level, 571 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,566 it has to just be easy. 572 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:03,270 Speaking of easy... bridesmaids, Ted. 573 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,837 Bridesmaids. 574 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:05,938 CLAUDIA: By the way, 575 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,640 I almost forgot. 576 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,208 We found this. 577 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:14,247 * * 578 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,616 I didn't check "plus one." 579 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,550 You were right. 580 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,752 Of course I was right. 581 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,922 I'm single. 582 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,791 Maybe that's just who I am. 583 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:25,958 And you know what? 584 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,427 I like being single. 585 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:28,395 Being single's the best. 586 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,029 Yeah. Stay out as late as you want. 587 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:31,264 Answer to no one. 588 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,733 The whole world full of endless possibilities. 589 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,469 Never having to go to a farmer's market. 590 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,374 Okay. 591 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,610 Ah... doing some math here. 592 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,312 Table six has got three bridesmaids: 593 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,414 an eight, an eight, and a seven. 594 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,350 I am willing to give you one of the eights, 595 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,352 lowering myself to a 15, 596 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,354 which means you owe me... 597 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,290 So there we were, two single guys 598 00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,592 doing our usual single-guy thing. 599 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,295 For whatever reason, I had let myself believe 600 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,631 that this night would be a turning point, 601 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,433 that this was the night my life-- 602 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,436 my real life-- would finally begin. 603 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:13,973 The funny thing is... I wasn't totally wrong. 604 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:19,546 * Ba-da, ba-da-ba-ba, ba-da, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba... * 605 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,049 Because that night was just beginning.