1 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,517 TED: Now I remember a lot of stories 2 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,719 from back in the days before I met your mother. 3 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,422 But there's one story I don't remember. 4 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,825 Uncle Marshall still refers to it as "The Pineapple Incident." 5 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,294 The night started like any other. 6 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,028 We were downstairs at the bar. 7 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,830 On the house. 8 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,565 Wow! Oh! 9 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,600 It's my own concoction. 10 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,068 I call it the Red Dragon. 11 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:35,236 Thanks, Carl. Wow! 12 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,637 That was really sweet. We're not really 13 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,572 doing shots, are we? I hope not. 14 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,740 No, no, no. 15 00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,842 Ugh! These look kind of like blood. 16 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:46,080 Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before. 17 00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:48,816 But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire? 18 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,451 That's ridiculous. 19 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,952 No, you guys, I'm serious. 20 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:52,820 Think about it. 21 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:53,921 He always wears black. 22 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,257 We never see him in the daylight, only after dark. 23 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,458 Oh, my God. 24 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,427 That does describe a vampire... 25 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,962 or, you know, a bartender. 26 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,731 ( laughing ) 27 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,865 I should go get dressed. 28 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,267 Where you going, buddy? Hot date? 29 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,435 I'll say. 30 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,137 She's going out with a billionaire. 31 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,838 Lily, I told you not to call him that. 32 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,606 Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire? 33 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,575 He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred-millionaire. 34 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,610 Why do people always round up? 35 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:19,613 So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you? 36 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:20,448 A charity dinner. 37 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,616 Yeah, $2,000 a plate. 38 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,485 $1,500. Stop rounding up. 39 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:26,487 And it's for Third World hunger. 40 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,788 You gonna put out? 41 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:29,857 What? 42 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,126 There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner, 43 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,595 and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills. 44 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,632 I think my soul just threw up a little bit. 45 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,368 Well, I'm gonna be late. 46 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,635 You guys have fun. 47 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:42,770 Bye. See ya. 48 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,405 Bye. See ya. 49 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,506 You okay? 50 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,707 Sure. Why? 51 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,209 Oh, I don't know. 52 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,511 Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire. 53 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,247 Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire. 54 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,617 And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. 55 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,985 We're just friends. 56 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,087 Look, it would not be smart if we got together. 57 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,490 I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for... 58 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,325 ( snoring ) 59 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,260 Wha...? You done? Great. 60 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,630 Check out table number four. 61 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,533 See that little hottie on the end? 62 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,635 She's short but has an ample bosom. 63 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,736 I love it. 64 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,638 She's, like, half boob. 65 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:18,239 Let's go. 66 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,173 Yeah, and say what? 67 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,808 What's our big opening line? 68 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,943 I... uh... 69 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,612 Daddy's home. 70 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,147 Daddy's home? Yeah. 71 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,017 Okay, you want us to go over there right now 72 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,553 and say to those girls, "Daddy's home"? 73 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,422 Really think about that, Barney. 74 00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,424 Hmm. 75 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,758 Yeah, I think it's pretty solid. 76 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,861 Okay, think about this. 77 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:44,532 Is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it? 78 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,400 Garlic fries. 79 00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:49,370 Okay, well, I'll get back to you. 80 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,672 Oh, Daddy's back. 81 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,074 See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that... 82 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,409 Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten 83 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:58,546 this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy. 84 00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,547 Ah. 85 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,449 That worked? 86 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:02,650 I hate the world. 87 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,219 Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. 88 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,388 I'm teaching you how to do, do, do. 89 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,155 Doo-doo. 90 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,257 ( chuckles ) Totally. 91 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,991 So I think a lot. 92 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,193 I happen to have a very powerful brain. 93 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,161 It can't be helped. 94 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,763 Oh, yes, it can. 95 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,299 Interesting. Oh. 96 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,568 Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. 97 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,736 It's like the universe was saying, "Hey, Barney, 98 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,238 "there's this dude-- he's pretty cool-- 99 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,240 but it's your job to make him awesome." 100 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,509 Your brain screws you up, Ted. 101 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,577 It gets in the way. 102 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,512 It happened with Robin, it happened with Half Boob, 103 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,480 and it's gonna 104 00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,748 keep on happening until you power down 105 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:38,419 that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style. 106 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,621 So, what, you want me to do a shot? 107 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,489 Oh, no. 108 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:42,923 I want you to do 109 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,792 five shots. Ooh. Ooh. 110 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,527 More interesting. 111 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,896 Barney, I think you've officially... 112 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,265 No, don't think. Do. 113 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,201 Ted, he's right: you overthink. 114 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,803 Maybe you should overdrink. 115 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:56,904 ( chants ): Drink, drink... 116 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,307 Drink, drink, drink... Drink, drink, drink... 117 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,542 Uh, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being? 118 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,546 Guys, you are being immature and moronic, and drink, drink... 119 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,780 Oh! 120 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,482 ALL: Drink, drink, drink... 121 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,318 Drink, drink, drink... 122 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,719 ( all cheer ) 123 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:12,986 ALL: Drink, drink... 124 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:16,557 Let me tell you something about this brain, okay? 125 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,491 ALL: Drink! 126 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:20,561 Pure alcohol cannot stop this brain. 127 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,462 ALL: Drink, drink... 128 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,531 I love it! I love it! I love it! 129 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:27,435 This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain. 130 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,235 ALL: Drink, drink... 131 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,672 This is a super brain. 132 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:32,473 ( all cheer ) 133 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,375 This brain is unstoppable. 134 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,275 This brain... 135 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,545 And that's all I remember. 136 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:40,213 Except for a few other hazy memories. 137 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,993 But really, the next thing I remember 138 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,795 was waking up the following morning. 139 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,485 So there were some unanswered questions. 140 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,687 How much did I drink? 141 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,022 How did I sprain my ankle? 142 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,192 ( panting ) 143 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,094 And who was this girl in my bed? 144 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,797 There's our rock star. 145 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,699 Okay, um... 146 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,133 What the hell happened last night? 147 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,069 You really don't remember, Superbrain? 148 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:39,139 So Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lilly filled me in. 149 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,074 And how did you guys like the shots? 150 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,243 I drank all five, bitch. 151 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,245 ( laughs ) 152 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,246 I love Drunk Ted. 153 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,382 Marshall thinks you're a vampire. 154 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,450 ( laughs ) 155 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:54,388 All right, if he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up. 156 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,524 No dibs. Oh. 157 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,225 No d... Damn it! 158 00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,159 Yes. 159 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,461 How quickly you all forget. 160 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,095 I haven't puked since high school. 161 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,932 I am vomit-free since '93. 162 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,134 Vomit-free since '93. 163 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,035 That's funny. 164 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,236 I'm funny! 165 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,370 Who are you calling? 166 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,338 Robin. 167 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,773 Oh, bad idea jeans. 168 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:13,941 No, no, it's a great idea. 169 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,275 That's the whole point of getting drunk. 170 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,410 You do things you'd never do 171 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,978 in a million years if you were sober. 172 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,181 Says every girl you've ever slept with. 173 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,382 Say what? 174 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,586 Hello, Robin. It's Ted. 175 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:26,420 Oh, hi, Ted. 176 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,489 Hello, Robin. It's Ted. 177 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,190 Hi, Ted. 178 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,859 Sounds like you're having fun. 179 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:36,697 Robin, have I ever told you that I am vomit-free since '93? 180 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,931 Listen, Ted, 181 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,268 I can't really talk right... '93? 182 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,870 Dude, that's impressive. 183 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,173 Oh... I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, 184 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,307 and a great reporter. 185 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,876 You should be on 60 Minutes. 186 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,211 You should be one of the minutes. 187 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,947 That's sweet... and odd. 188 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,916 But I'm kind of on a date right now. 189 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,518 Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. 190 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,186 Just 'cause this guy's spending a lot of money 191 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,188 doesn't mean you have to put out. 192 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,824 Take it slow, Robin. 193 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,125 Take it slow. 194 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,394 Slow... 195 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,228 Bye, Ted. 196 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,464 Slow... 197 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:11,465 Wow, right. 198 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,467 That's why we don't do shots. 199 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,969 Friends don't let friends drink and dial. 200 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,137 I need that phone back. 201 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,139 You'll get this back at the end of class. 202 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,674 Ding. Class dismissed. 203 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,542 Here you go, kid. 204 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,976 You call whoever you want. 205 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:24,712 Thank you, kind sir. 206 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,413 At least someone appreciates the fact 207 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,348 that I am doing and not thinking. 208 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,385 And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom. 209 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,656 Was that necessary? 210 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,825 He is not making smart decisions. 211 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,527 Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next? 212 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,162 I don't know, but I want to find out. 213 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:46,466 ( "Voices" by Cheap Trick plays ) 214 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,268 Cheap Trick? 215 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,237 Oh, Ted. 216 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,372 ( cell phone rings ) 217 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,774 Hello again, Ted. 218 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,477 * Hey, it's me again 219 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:02,616 * Plain to see again 220 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:09,256 * Please, can I see you every day * 221 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,258 I love everyone in this bar! 222 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,259 ( cheering ) 223 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,527 And we love you, Drunk Ted! 224 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,397 * I'm a fool again 225 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,401 * I fell in lo... 226 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,269 Ow. 227 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,204 Ted? 228 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,073 Well, that explains the ankle. 229 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,275 Then we brought you home and put you to bed. 230 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:31,311 Was there anyone else in there with me? 231 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,617 Shh. 232 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,757 ( whispers ): There's a girl in there! 233 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:44,424 I know. 234 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,893 And a pineapple. 235 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:46,827 I know. 236 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,795 Who is she? 237 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,262 I don't know. 238 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,066 What the hell happened to my jacket? 239 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,334 Whoa. 240 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,238 That girl in there is alive, right? 241 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,307 I should call Barney. 242 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,675 Maybe he knows what happened. 243 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,445 ( dialing ) 244 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:10,150 ( phone ringing ) 245 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,091 ( ringing continues ) 246 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,428 Hello. 247 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,430 Why are you sleeping in our tub? 248 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,767 Uh, the porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling. 249 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,536 Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom 250 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,838 in the middle of the night? 251 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,306 Don't worry. I slept through it. 252 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:34,374 ( laughs ) 253 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,676 I totally didn't sleep through it. 254 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,180 Oh, and wow, for a little girl, you got a big tank. 255 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,349 How did you get in here anyway? 256 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,084 We put Ted to bed around 1:00. 257 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,620 Oh, you put Ted to bed, all right. 258 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,989 You guys take care of me. 259 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,390 You guys are the best. 260 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,126 I love you guys so much. 261 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,795 Good night, Ted. 262 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,429 Love you, too, buddy. 263 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,200 I'm back, baby doll! 264 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,902 Hey! 265 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,370 Hey! Hey! Hey! 266 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:04,504 He rallies! 267 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,640 And the night begins now! 268 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:07,841 All right. 269 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:08,642 Game face on. 270 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:09,677 Carl, two more. 271 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,511 All right, what do we think of this one? 272 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,280 I think she... 273 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,147 ( imitates buzzer ) 274 00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,615 Trick question. No thinking. 275 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,018 You know what time it is? Huh? 276 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,319 It's do o'clock. Let's ride. 277 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,488 Bring it! 278 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,555 Hi. 279 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,625 Have you met Ted? 280 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,131 Excuse me. 281 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,601 You're calling Robin. 282 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,869 I'm calling Robin. 283 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:38,438 Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, 284 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,173 I forbid you from calling her. 285 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,875 Oh, yeah? 286 00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,143 What you gonna do? 287 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:49,116 If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire. 288 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,250 ( snorts ) 289 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,484 You're bluffing. 290 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,189 Hello, Robin. It's Ted. 291 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,825 Ted, for the last time, stop... 292 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,226 ( screaming ) 293 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,127 Ow! 294 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,261 Ted? 295 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:03,731 You set me on fire. 296 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,766 Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. 297 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,500 You got robbed. This is a blend. 298 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,938 You set me on fire. 299 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,672 And who's the girl 300 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:13,807 in my bed? 301 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,386 There's a girl in your bed. 302 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,088 And a pineapple. 303 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,724 Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple? 304 00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:31,759 Who is she? 305 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,426 I have no idea. 306 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,728 Nice. 307 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:35,595 TED: You really don't know 308 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:36,663 who that is? 309 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,598 No. After I hosed you down with the beverage gun, 310 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:39,733 I brought you back here. 311 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:42,435 I'd better not have gotten burned. 312 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,505 Ah... 313 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,774 Did any of you write that? 314 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,976 "Hi. I'm Ted. 315 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,778 If lost, please call..." 316 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,780 Whose number is that? 317 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,215 I don't know. 318 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,250 Dude, call it. 319 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:58,752 Ooh, hold on, I'm gonna 320 00:11:58,786 --> 00:11:59,953 make some popcorn. 321 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,227 Ooh. Okay, you can call now. 322 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,063 God, this is intense. I love it. 323 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,700 MAN: Hello? 324 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,935 Uh... hi. 325 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,269 Who's this? 326 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:17,971 You called me. Who's this? 327 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,973 It's Ted. 328 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:22,209 It's Carl from the bar. 329 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,277 TED: And then Carl filled us in. 330 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,746 Barney, you've always taken care of me. 331 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,216 You are a gentlemen and a scholar. 332 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,350 Go into 333 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,619 my stable and take my finest stallion. 334 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,654 He's yours. His name is Windjammer. 335 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:37,690 Sleep it off, bro. 336 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,129 I'm back, baby doll! 337 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,264 Yeah. 338 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,366 And I... 339 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:47,968 am gonna throw up. 340 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,571 I threw up? 341 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,006 Oh, my streak is over. 342 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,775 Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good. 343 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,511 Sorry, Carl. Go on. 344 00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,347 Carl... 345 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,482 did you know the word "karaoke" 346 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:05,185 is Japanese for "empty orchestra"? 347 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,988 Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? 348 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,824 Are you a vampire? 349 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,325 All right, I'm cutting you off. 350 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,394 Go home and get some sleep, Ted. 351 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,796 Yeah, the sun's gonna come up soon. 352 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:20,333 Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we? 353 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,334 Hey, how easy 354 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,203 do you think it would be to sneak into the zoo? 355 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,405 I have to see some penguins, like, right now. 356 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,474 All right, give me your arm. 357 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,209 Okay. 358 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,778 This way, if you pass out in the gutter... 359 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,881 ( laughs ): It tickles. 360 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:37,617 ...someone will call me, and I will come get you. 361 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,419 Thanks, Carl. 362 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,854 We can't just be friends. 363 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,822 We're attracted to each other, and we both know it. 364 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,491 Excuse me? 365 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,294 Me and Robin, me and Robin. 366 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,329 I have to make one more call. 367 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,598 Yeah, this'll go good. 368 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,368 ( inhales deeply ) 369 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,871 Hey, it's me again. 370 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,706 Look, who are we kidding? 371 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,875 You and I are both attracted to each other. 372 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,544 We-we're young, we're drunk-- half of us anyway-- 373 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,013 and we only get one life. 374 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,348 So, why don't you come over to my apartment right now, 375 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,717 and we'll think of something stupid to do together? 376 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,153 Really? Great. 377 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,323 Wait. Really? Great. 378 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,591 Thanks, Carl. 379 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,460 It's Robin. 380 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,164 That's Robin in there. 381 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,266 Did you guys...? 382 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,673 Oh, come on. You've got to give me this one. 383 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,542 Those five shots got you further with Robin 384 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,944 than your brain ever did. 385 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,378 See what happens when you don't think? 386 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,746 You do. 387 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:42,082 More importantly, you do Robin. 388 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,484 Come on. 389 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,420 All right, right over here. ( laughs ) 390 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,389 But, uh, still, 391 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,423 what does this mean? 392 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,925 Are we dating now? 393 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,760 I-I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, 394 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,495 but maybe that's how it had to happen. 395 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,496 I mean, think about it... 396 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,398 Someone get him a shot. He's thinking again. 397 00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,666 You know what? 398 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:00,800 Hold on, man. 399 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,802 Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. 400 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,704 You and Robin went down this road before. 401 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,440 You got dinged up really bad. 402 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:08,908 You know who might have something to say 403 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,677 about Ted's future with Robin? 404 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,980 Robin. Go wake her up. 405 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,381 Wake her up and say what? 406 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,617 Daddy's home. 407 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:21,754 Good luck, buddy. 408 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,496 ( phone ringing ) 409 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,964 Hello. 410 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,565 Ted, it's Robin. 411 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,572 Are you sure? 412 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,181 Hey, Robin, 413 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,150 how are you? Ted, I think 414 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,151 you and I should have a talk 415 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,953 about those phone calls last night. 416 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:55,622 Do you mind if I swing by? Ask her about the pineapple. 417 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,824 Uh, yeah, sure, come on over. Thanks. 418 00:15:57,857 --> 00:15:59,826 No. Wait, d-d-don't come... 419 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,928 She's coming over. Crap! 420 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,563 Wait. This is killing me. 421 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,632 We have to find out who that girl is. 422 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,934 Trudy. 423 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,371 My name is Trudy. 424 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,976 TED: And then, Trudy filled us in. 425 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,346 ( laughs ): I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner. 426 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,348 I know. It's two years of my life 427 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,383 I'm never getting back. 428 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,218 A little part of me wants to just jump the bones 429 00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:27,187 of the next guy I see. 430 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,455 ( laughter ) 431 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,057 Daddy's home. 432 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,959 Or the one after that. 433 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,194 Okay, fair enough. 434 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,995 I've got to prove a point to a friend, so... 435 00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,597 you just gave me your number... 436 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,600 and your name is Amy. 437 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,570 Ladies. 438 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,672 I love everyone in this bar! 439 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:46,739 ( giggling ) 440 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,408 Look at that idiot go. 441 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,510 He's kind of cute. 442 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,679 Ooh! ( thudding ) 443 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,581 ( laughing ) 444 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,619 What are you doing in the men's room? 445 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,489 What am I doing in the ladies' room? 446 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,557 All right, I came in here, 447 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,093 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up. 448 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,527 Did you? 449 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,998 I did not. 450 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,567 And the streak continues-- vomit-free since 451 00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,036 '93. 452 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,339 I'm sorry, Trudy. Go on. 453 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,074 I liked your performance. 454 00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:22,609 What, the karaoke? 455 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,911 Domo arigato. 456 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,080 I wish I had your guts. 457 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,649 Getting up and making a complete idiot of myself. 458 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,451 So, do it. 459 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:32,652 I don't know. 460 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:35,755 Still, I've had a pretty serious week. 461 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,225 I could sure stand to do something stupid. 462 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,627 I'm something stupid. Do me. 463 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,629 ( laughs ): You're funny. 464 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,664 Hey, can I call you sometime? 465 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:45,832 Okay. 466 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,134 Ha, ha. 467 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,635 Here, let me. 468 00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,672 Why do they call it karaoke, anyhow? 469 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,242 Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okey? 470 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,044 These are the kinds of things I think about. 471 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:02,249 Karaoke is Japanese for "empty orchestra." 472 00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,816 Wow. 473 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,586 That's hauntingly beautiful. 474 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,289 ( phone ringing ) 475 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,990 Hey, it works. 476 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,360 Then I guess you're gonna have to call me. 477 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,465 I got to make one more call. 478 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,399 ( phone ringing ) 479 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,800 Hello? 480 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,135 Hey, it's me again. 481 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,603 Hey. 482 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:24,837 Look, who are we kidding? 483 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:27,073 You and I are both attracted to each other. 484 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,408 We're-we're young, we're drunk-- 485 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,109 half of us, anyway-- 486 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,511 and we only get one life. 487 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:34,181 So, I came over here. 488 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,317 And now I'm really, really embarrassed. 489 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:39,786 Damn it, Trudy! 490 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,188 What about the pineapple? 491 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,456 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry! 492 00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:46,693 ( knock at door ) 493 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:47,694 Ah, Robin's here. 494 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,296 Um, look, Trudy, 495 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,797 I need you to hide in my bedroom. 496 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,199 Why? Is that your girlfriend? 497 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,866 Ah, no, that's not my girlfriend. 498 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,402 Um, look, it's complicated. 499 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,036 Oh, you're married. Yeah, I know. 500 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,037 I can't believe I did this. 501 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,906 No, no, no, I-I'm not married. Um... 502 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,074 I'll explain after you hide. 503 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,715 Hey. 504 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:09,649 Hi, guys. 505 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,017 Hey, Robin, top of the morning. 506 00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,151 Hi. Hi, Robin. Good sweater. 507 00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:15,688 Um, sorry I kept calling you like that. 508 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,624 I was pretty drunk. 509 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,725 Uh, no kidding. 510 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,193 Those calls were really weird. 511 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,762 Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk. 512 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:24,897 Let's go get a snack. 513 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,366 I love to snack. 514 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,467 I'm good. 515 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,138 Hmm. 516 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,707 Come on, those calls weren't that weird. 517 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,909 ( clears throat ) 518 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,682 TED: Robin! Come hang out! 519 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,984 Okay, I'm gonna make this sound till you come hang out. 520 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,356 ( nasally ): Aaah.... 521 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,058 ( sound continues ) 522 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,427 That goes on for three-and-a-half minutes. 523 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:55,862 Without a breath? 524 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,697 That's got to be some kind of record. 525 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,299 Oh, Ted, you can't do this. 526 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,567 Please. 527 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,768 We agreed to be friends, 528 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,503 and now you're making it all confusing. 529 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,937 No, I'm not. 530 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,606 Look, I-I just turned off my brain for the night. 531 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,774 Nothing's changed. 532 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,609 You've moved on. I've moved on. 533 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,744 Really? You've moved on? 534 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,113 Yes. What, you don't believe me? 535 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,783 ( laughs ) Oh. Uh, okay. 536 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,919 Trudy, come on out. 537 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,454 You are gonna laugh. 538 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,256 Wait. You were with someone last night? 539 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,725 Yeah, Trudy. She's cool. 540 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,094 Trudy, come on out. 541 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:31,531 Yeah, seriously, it's okay. 542 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,533 This is so Trudy. 543 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:35,935 She's really shy... 544 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,203 I think. 545 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,938 Trudy? 546 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,979 Hi, Trudy. I'm Robin. 547 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,649 It's nice to meet you. 548 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,451 You're right. She is shy. 549 00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,485 I'm not making this up. 550 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:54,754 She-she must have climbed out the fire escape. 551 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,489 ( laughs ) Whatever. Whatever! 552 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:57,757 I-I don't care what you think. 553 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,627 Then why'd you hide her from me? 554 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,463 Wow. You're good. 555 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,532 Anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 minutes? 556 00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:08,635 ( laughs ): Yes. You did... last night. 557 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:09,336 Really? 558 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,170 ( laughs ) 559 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:12,939 Well... 560 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,475 Get some sleep, Ted. You had a long night. 561 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,644 And don't feel bad. 562 00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,279 I've woken up with worse. 563 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,485 ( sighs ) 564 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:29,322 TED: I left Trudy a message, but she never called me back. 565 00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:32,058 That's just how life works sometimes. 566 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:33,860 You turn off your brain for a night, 567 00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:36,596 and all your left with the next day is a bad hangover, 568 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:39,298 a sprained ankle and a pineapple. 569 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:42,669 Oh, we never found out where that pineapple came from, 570 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,537 but it was delicious.