1 00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:17,118 NARRATOR: Kids, this is a Thanksgiving story. 2 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,221 Thanksgiving in New York is a wonderful time. 3 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,423 It's a time for giving of yourself, 4 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,392 for thinking of your fellow man. 5 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,094 A time when the unforgiving city 6 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,728 becomes a little kinder. 7 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,131 Well, I just ralphed. 8 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,266 How much did you guys drink last night? 9 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,502 Not how much. What? 10 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,669 The Thankstini. 11 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,371 A fun and delicious 12 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,473 new novelty drink I invented. 13 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:43,043 Cranberry juice, potato vodka and a bouillon cube. 14 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,214 Tastes just like a turkey dinner. 15 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:51,085 Mmm, it's like Thanksgiving in my mouth. 16 00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,286 You want a good holiday drink, 17 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,687 try his Kwanzaapolitan. 18 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,455 ( car honking outside ) 19 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,125 The shuttle's here! 20 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,162 He hasn't been back home to Minnesota since Christmas. 21 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,363 He's a little excited. 22 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,697 Baby, we're holding up the shuttle. 23 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,765 Do you have everything you need? 24 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,767 Toothbrush, pajamas, underpants. 25 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,836 Underpants. 26 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,372 So, Lil... 27 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,441 Marshall's family. 28 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,176 Whole weekend with the future in-laws. 29 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,310 You excited? 30 00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,646 Yeah, no, it'll be fun. 31 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,515 Lily, you just said, "Yeah, no." 32 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,117 Did I? 33 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,186 No. I-I love Marshall's family. 34 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,221 Oh. But yeah, no, it'll be great. 35 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,289 You just did it again. 36 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,557 Yeah, no, shut up. 37 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,261 Wait, so you're not going home for Thanksgiving? 38 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,695 No, I have to work on Friday. You? 39 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,397 I'm Canadian, remember? 40 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,665 We celebrate Thanksgiving in October. 41 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,333 Oh, right, I forgot. 42 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,468 You guys are weird. 43 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,137 You pronounce the word "out," "oat." 44 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,673 You guys are the world's leader in handgun violence, 45 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,241 your healthcare system is bankrupt, 46 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,876 and your country is deeply divided 47 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,179 on almost every important issue. 48 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,848 Your cops are called "Mounties." 49 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,919 So probably hanging out with Barney, then? 50 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,422 No. Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition. 51 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,790 Thanksgiving in a strip club. 52 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:03,824 Who's in? 53 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,426 The Lusty Leopard has 54 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,660 a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. 55 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,496 Plus they do this thing: 56 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,331 Heather dresses up as a pilgrim, 57 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,733 and Misty dresses up as an Indian, 58 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,669 and they share a meal together. 59 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,171 Oh, Barney. 60 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,572 I'm sorry. 61 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:19,740 Native American. 62 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,412 I think I'm going to go to a homeless shelter, serve food. 63 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,946 That's awesome. Yeah, I thought 64 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,815 I'd just spend the day giving back, you know? 65 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:28,849 Doing some good. 66 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,518 Canceling out Barney. 67 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,220 Exactly. 68 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,254 Where are all my underpants! 69 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,154 Did you check your suitcase? 70 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,525 Let's go! 71 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,693 NARRATOR: And go they went... 72 00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,295 all the way to St. Cloud, Minnesota, 73 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,497 Marshall's hometown. 74 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,334 And as Lily stepped into her fiancé's boyhood home, 75 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,269 she received a big welcome. 76 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,903 Hello! we're home! 77 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,873 Oh! Hey! 78 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,842 A very big welcome. 79 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,510 You see, at six-foot-four, 80 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,812 Marshall was the runt of the Eriksen clan. 81 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:05,619 Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are. 82 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,887 Where's my almost daughter-in-law? 83 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:07,788 LILY: Here I am! 84 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,392 Oh... 85 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,527 Oh, you got yourself a great little bride here, son. 86 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,396 All right, now. 87 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,497 No fartin' around! 88 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,732 Put your skates and your pads on, boys. 89 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,767 Game on in five minutes. 90 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,402 Yeah, all right. 91 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,304 Oh, you're gonna play hockey? 92 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,406 With a basketball? 93 00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,974 Well, it's a combination of the two. 94 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,709 We call it bask-ice-ball. 95 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,311 We invented it. 96 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,813 It's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world. 97 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,682 Bask-ice-ball? 98 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,350 Not ice-ketball? 99 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,319 Ice-ketball? 100 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,388 That just sounds weird. 101 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,557 It's bask-ice-ball, okay? 102 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,992 And I'm the best. 103 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,727 Oh, well, Oh, you wish. 104 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,896 maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play. 105 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:49,997 Oh... 106 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,533 I don't know, honey. 107 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,867 It's not really a sport for a girl. 108 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,269 Well, that's funny, 109 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,737 'cause your brother throws like a girl. 110 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,272 ALL: Oh... 111 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,374 Marcus! 112 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,644 This is going to be great. 113 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,413 I know. I'm so psyched we did this. 114 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,914 Look at all these people, 115 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,517 giving up their Thanksgiving to help their fellow man. 116 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,619 These have got to be the best people in New York. 117 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,387 * ... to grandmother's house we-- * 118 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,622 'Scuse me, guys. Coming through. 119 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,426 Barney? Oh, hi, guys. 120 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,627 What are you doing here? 121 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,895 Oh, just the Lord's work. 122 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,064 But you're Satan. 123 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,766 Guys, okay, look. 124 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,336 I don't advertise it, but I volunteer here. 125 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,803 I think it's important 126 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,405 to help the less fortunate. 127 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,342 I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys. 128 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,677 This is a joke, right? 129 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,446 You don't actually volunteer here. 130 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,680 Barney, we need you out front. 131 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,582 There is a logjam on the stuffing line. 132 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,451 Can you show them how it's done? I'm on it. 133 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,686 Wait, so this is real? Barney does this? 134 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,087 Every Sunday, all year long. 135 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,789 He's our best volunteer. 136 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,624 That's 'cause I was trained by the best, Kendall. 137 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,461 Anyway, we're psyched to be here, Kendall. 138 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:54,562 What do you need us to do? 139 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,763 Uh, go home. 140 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,097 We're full. 141 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,332 What? We're volunteers. 142 00:04:58,366 --> 00:04:59,567 We're unpaid help. 143 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,669 Can you ever really have enough unpaid help? 144 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,804 On the biggest volunteer day of the year? 145 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,038 Yeah, you can. 146 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:07,408 Come on, we just want to help out. 147 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,977 Kendall, they're cool. 148 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,845 Fine, but I'm not promising anything. 149 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,881 Wait here-- we'll let you know if we need you, 150 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,351 Okay, well, I better get back out there. 151 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,786 There's a lot of food to give out. 152 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,422 And a lot of smiles. 153 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,993 Oh, I almost forgot. 154 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,129 I know it's early, but... 155 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,032 you are a future Mrs. Eriksen. 156 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,136 Thank you! 157 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,639 Well, it'll go great with my, uh... 158 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,708 Aw. I just love it. 159 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,611 Okay, Lily, we're putting you on salad duty. 160 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,680 Oh, l make this great frisée and endive salad 161 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,750 with a coriander- lime vinaigrette. 162 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,586 But this is an American holiday. 163 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,388 Lily, 164 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,690 now that you're going to be a Mrs. Eriksen, 165 00:05:56,724 --> 00:06:00,528 I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe: 166 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:05,032 the Eriksen family seven-layer salad. 167 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,535 Seven-layer salad? 168 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,639 "Six cups of mayonnaise"? 169 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,006 That can't be right. 170 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,475 Oh, no, dear. 16 cups. 171 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:16,810 Mayo's in that cabinet. 172 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,882 Oh, my God. 173 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:22,950 There is some serious bask-ice-ball 174 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,618 going on out there. 175 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,119 Dad totally nailed Marcus in the face 176 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,688 with a snowball, which is a foul, 177 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,523 'cause you only get one snowball per possession, 178 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,592 so I nailed him in the shin with my skate, 179 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,893 and then I totally dunked it. 180 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,495 Yeah, you were sittin' pretty 181 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,530 till I whacked you with that mallet. 182 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,931 Hey, gorgeous. 183 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,467 You having fun? 184 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,935 Yeah, but... but I kind of miss you. 185 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,937 Could you stay in here for a little bit? 186 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,038 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem. 187 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,173 It's halftime. 188 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,741 Oh, halftime's over! 189 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,710 Get your butts out here! Come on. 190 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,513 And I hope you like the taste of skate, dorko! 191 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,048 Go. 192 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,650 Thanks, baby. 193 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,787 Aw, isn't this great? 194 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,955 Can't you see why everybody from my high school 195 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,557 stays in this town? 196 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,960 Hey, Marvin, you're the dorko, dorko! 197 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,801 Man, it's amazing out there. 198 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,469 I've done so much good today, 199 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:16,704 I've got, like, a soul boner. 200 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,141 Man, the way the faces of the less fortunate light up 201 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,776 when you give them a hot, nutritious meal. 202 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,678 Is there a better feeling on Earth? 203 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,580 Yesterday you said the best feeling on Earth 204 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,482 was getting your toes sucked. 205 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,484 Then you requested a high-five 206 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:33,020 with your foot. 207 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,723 Hey, Barn, what do you say you let us sub in for you, 208 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:36,990 scoop stuffing for a little bit? 209 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,827 You want to scoop stuffing your first day out? 210 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:40,861 Hello? NFL? 211 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,795 Can I be quarterback this Sunday? 212 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:42,796 Dude. 213 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,901 Okay, I finished 214 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,571 the gummi bear layer of the... salad. 215 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,806 What's next? 216 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,509 Potato chips. Of course. 217 00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,010 So, Lily... 218 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:59,146 when are you gonna start thinking about having a baby? 219 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,814 Baby? 220 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,884 Uh, you know, I hadn't really thought about it. 221 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,118 At all. 222 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,787 NARRATOR: Actually, Aunt Lily was lying. 223 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,856 It was all she'd been thinking about. 224 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,257 You see, remember when she said... 225 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,960 Well, I just ralphed... 226 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,629 NARRATOR: At that point, she was five days late. 227 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,098 This was day six. 228 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,001 Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young to have a baby, right? 229 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,003 Oh, are you kidding? 230 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,905 I was younger than you when I had Marcus. 231 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,040 Beautiful 15-pound boy. 232 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,543 Not much bigger than this turkey right here. 233 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,983 Oh, my. 234 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,324 NARRATOR: Now, if Lily was already uneasy 235 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,026 about joining the Eriksen family, 236 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,696 imagine how she felt about possibly having 237 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:52,199 a 15-pound Eriksen growing inside of her. 238 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,201 That's a big baby, Judy. 239 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,069 The doctor thought he was twins. 240 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,605 ( weak laugh ): Twins! 241 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,674 Twins! 242 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,912 This is crazy! 243 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,313 When did it get so hard to do charity work? 244 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,916 I do charity work all the time. 245 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,283 Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend? 246 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,085 Delightful. 247 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,787 How's that little project coming along anyway? 248 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:14,922 I'm working on it. 249 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:15,989 I'm gonna introduce you 250 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,658 to that girl you've been staring at. 251 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,026 What? That's crazy, I haven't been staring 252 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,662 at any girl... Have you met Ted? 253 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:24,264 Hi. I'm the aforementioned Ted. 254 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,299 And this is... um, gone. 255 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,035 I'm Amanda. Hi. 256 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,803 So, uh, what do you do here, Ted? 257 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,072 Well, I've been... um, nothing. 258 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,141 I do nothing. 259 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,609 Well, if you want to do something, 260 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:36,844 you and your girlfriend can help 261 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:37,845 sort through these donations. 262 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,813 I'm not his girlfriend. 263 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,149 I used to be, but, um, 264 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,985 I just wasn't enough woman for Ted emotionally 265 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,020 or sexually. 266 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,188 ( whispering ): Oh, my God. 267 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,824 So, Amanda... 268 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,026 What do you need us to do? 269 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,394 Okay, this is important. 270 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,296 Go through all these boxes of food donations, 271 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,165 take out the really good stuff, 272 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,099 and put it into this box. 273 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,133 Got it. 274 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,234 Consider it sorted. 275 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,137 Hey, we're in business. 276 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,774 Hey, Barney's not gonna get all the glory today. 277 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,679 Let's start with this one. 278 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:12,713 Yeah. 279 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:14,982 Amen. 280 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:15,749 ALL: Amen. 281 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,019 Look who came to say good night. 282 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,854 It's little Martin. 283 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,723 Three months old. 284 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,892 Months? Three months? 285 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,827 He's been drinking his milk. 286 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,161 ( all agree ) 287 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,433 And she's already pregnant again? 288 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,436 Well, that's 'cause those Eriksen boys' boys can swim. 289 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,906 They got two tails and a drill bit for a head. 290 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,075 Dad, you're embarrassing me! 291 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,344 Oh, don't worry about it, son. She's cool. 292 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,013 She's going to be an Eriksen. 293 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,081 Yeah. well, well, not literally, 294 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,250 'cause, you know, I'm keeping my name. 295 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,121 But... the apron. 296 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,291 Well, we haven't actually decided 297 00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,793 anything yet, so we're... 298 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,261 LILY: No, I've decided, 299 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:03,864 and I'm keeping my own name. 300 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,699 But Eriksen is a great last name. 301 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,802 People know the Eriksens. 302 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,973 Well, sure, in St. Cloud, 303 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,776 but our kids aren't going to be growing up in St. Cloud. 304 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,077 Right, baby? 305 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,081 Well, why not St. Cloud? 306 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,817 I mean, I loved growing up in St. Cloud. 307 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,053 St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood. 308 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,155 Well, so is New York. 309 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,357 ( all laughing ) 310 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,725 LILY: What? It is. 311 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,761 And we grew up just fine. 312 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,396 And we grew to the proper size, and then we stopped. 313 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,471 Hey, Amanda, what's this box for? 314 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,739 Oh, that's for me. 315 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,174 You can put it in my car. 316 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,510 In your car, um, then you'll take it...? 317 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,480 Home. Yeah, we get so much extra food, no one can eat it all. 318 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:58,185 Oh, truffle oil. Score! 319 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,120 People donated this food 320 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,922 thinking it was going to feed the hungry. 321 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,858 I know. And I'm starving. 322 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,163 But, Marshall, you love New York. 323 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,900 Yes, l do, but you always said 324 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,235 that when we have kids, you wanted to move out of Manhattan. 325 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,237 Yeah, to Brooklyn. 326 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,007 Why are we even talking about this? 327 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,075 This is, like, way down the road. 328 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,011 But Lily knew "way down the road" 329 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,046 might not be so far down the road. 330 00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,150 I need to go to the restroom. 331 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,852 Lily, the restroom's the other way. 332 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,120 So she headed down the road. 333 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,087 ( door slams ) 334 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,422 Lily?! 335 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,791 ( car starting ) Lily! 336 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,800 So, wait, not only have you not done any good for anyone today, 337 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,436 you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless? 338 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,205 You know, Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. 339 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,306 Damn. 340 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,344 Barney, you needed me to sign your time sheet, right? 341 00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,146 BARNEY: Oh, yeah, right. Thanks. 342 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,480 Barney. 343 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,548 Yeah, what's up? 344 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,516 You have a time sheet? 345 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,118 No one else has a time sheet. 346 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,187 Yeah. So? All right, let me see that. 347 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,256 Hey, that's my private, personal business! 348 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,225 Court-mandated community service? 349 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,294 Oh my God, you're on probation? 350 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,595 What did you do? 351 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,966 That's my private, personal business. 352 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,136 ( siren wailing ) 353 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,075 I was unfairly punished because the wall 354 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,210 belonged to the judge's church. 355 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,412 You peed on a church? 356 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,415 I peed in an alley, which happened to have a church, 357 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,450 which I did not see because I was drunk. 358 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:41,221 Oh, you are evil. 359 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:44,091 Ah, all's right with the world again. 360 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,226 Okay, fine, so a judge is making me do this. 361 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,194 But I'm still doing it. 362 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,464 And kicking ass at it, BTW. 363 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,201 When's the last time either of you did something good, huh? 364 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,174 Kendall. Ah, Kendall. 365 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,644 Amanda is stealing portobello mushrooms from homeless people. 366 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,547 Amanda. 367 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:11,218 I called dibs on the portobello mushrooms. 368 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,452 Those are for the hungry. 369 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,586 I know. 370 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,922 And I'm starving. 371 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,529 Those are good mushrooms! 372 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,364 Mushrooms. Mushrooms. 373 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,532 Portobello mushrooms for everyone. 374 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,500 Take them and run! 375 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,369 They're very expensive. 376 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,342 Happy Thanksgiving. 377 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,644 "Happy Thanksgiving." Huh. 378 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,079 As in, "Check out the chick 379 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,413 "buying the knock-up test, everybody. 380 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,249 Wonder what must be going through her head." 381 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,917 Yeah, well, since you asked, 382 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:47,587 a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me 383 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:51,058 into their suburban nightmare, and there's a solid chance 384 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,626 that I have an Eriksen the size of a 15-pound turkey 385 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,363 growing inside of me! 386 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,365 Oh, you know the Eriksens? 387 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,534 You're Marshall's fiancée. 388 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:03,570 Fantastic. So nice to meet you. 389 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,611 Ugh, I'm sorry I just yelled at you. 390 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,046 You mind if I use your bathroom? 391 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,247 Don't have one. 392 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,183 So, what do you do when you have to...? 393 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,284 I hold it. 394 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,586 ( slurping ) 395 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,593 You can't fire a volunteer. 396 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,261 Apparently you can. 397 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:31,999 And his two non- mushroom-throwing friends. 398 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,667 I can't believe I told Kendall you guys were cool. 399 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,637 I have 40 hours left on my community service, 400 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,072 and now I've got to spend it 401 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,341 spearing trash on a freaking median strip. 402 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,713 Volunteer of the year! 403 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,216 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? 404 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,750 Look, if there's anything I can do 405 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,220 to make it up to you, just tell me. I'll-I'll do it. 406 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,321 Ted, I'm glad you asked. 407 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,457 * Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto 408 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,727 * Domo... domo 409 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,164 * Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto 410 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,566 Surprisingly good. Right? I told you so. 411 00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,268 Public urination. 412 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,703 Who gets arrested for public urination? 413 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,605 Lily's been arrested. 414 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,007 Oh, dear. What for? 415 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,310 Public urination. 416 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,421 Thanks, Pete. 417 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,158 No problemo, Marsh. 418 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,226 You all right? 419 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:36,663 No. I embarrassed myself in front of your family, 420 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,665 and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving 421 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,234 in probably the most depressing place ever. 422 00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:44,404 * Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto... 423 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,574 Well, I'm glad that you're safe. 424 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,575 Hey, weird question. 425 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:51,178 Why did you drive three miles down Route 23 426 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,413 and take a pee behind a convenience store? 427 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,349 Okay, I'll tell you, but before I do, promise me 428 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:59,152 that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise. 429 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,587 Look, I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow. 430 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,589 I'm just... Just promise. 431 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,091 Why do you want me to promise you that? 432 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,725 Because I don't fit in here. 433 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,194 I'm not eight feet tall, 434 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,162 and I don't think you can call it a salad 435 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,198 if it has Funyuns in it. 436 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,632 I'm Funyuns. 437 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,668 And mayonnaise and gummi bears and bask-ice-ball, 438 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,270 and I love St. Cloud. 439 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,339 And, yes, there is a part of me 440 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,807 that would like to move here someday, 441 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,475 and why are we having this discussion 442 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,277 in a jail cell on Thanksgiving? 443 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,447 Okay, personal effects. 444 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,648 One wallet. 445 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,782 One cell phone. 446 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,752 One... pregnancy test. 447 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,294 Pete arrested me before I could look at it. 448 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:50,603 Whoa. 449 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,394 Look, I don't want to be exactly like my family. 450 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,665 And don't take this the wrong way, 451 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:22,135 but I don't want to be exactly like your family, either. 452 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,705 We'll be our own family. 453 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:29,742 And we'll find our own way to freak out the people 454 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,843 our kids bring home. 455 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,384 Great, now I'm crying. 456 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,653 Look, we may have some really big decisions to make 457 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:41,788 in about ten seconds. 458 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,491 But right now, I don't care 459 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,825 where our kids grow up, 460 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,894 as long as they have you for a father. 461 00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,567 Gosh, I hope you're the father. 462 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,570 Just a little joke to lighten up the mood. 463 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,543 What does it say? 464 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,179 I'm afraid to look. 465 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,780 PETE: It's negative! 466 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,183 Oh, thank God. 467 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,284 Oh, thank God. 468 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,287 And, hey! 469 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:19,526 Ted. Are you listening? 470 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,561 You're a good guy. 471 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,763 Want to know why I have to work tomorrow? 472 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:27,267 My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. 473 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,370 In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer. 474 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,639 Okay, Ted, I found a way for you to help someone. 475 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,806 To do some good. 476 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,243 This is Walter. Walter is homeless. 477 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,745 And Walter would like a lap dance. 478 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,513 Are you joking? 479 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:44,651 I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment. 480 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,254 No, Barney, that's insane. 481 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,656 Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet? 482 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:54,727 No, I'm stuffed. Just a lap dance will be fine. 483 00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,429 Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners. 484 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:57,730 You know where he hasn't been? 485 00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:01,968 To heaven with Samantha. 486 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,970 Look, it's the one chance you've had all day 487 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,438 to help someone in need. 488 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,006 Now, buy this man a lap dance. 489 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,576 You said you wanted to see 490 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:12,245 the look of joy in someone's eyes. 491 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,813 You know, I don't think I'm going to watch. 492 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,685 Here you go, Walter. 493 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,388 Happy Thanksgiving, guys. 494 00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:22,389 Thank you so much. 495 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,391 No, really. Thank you. 496 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,296 Happy Thanksgiving, guys. 497 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,802 Thanksgiving in November. 498 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:36,903 Weird. 499 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,743 * I treat it like a high school dance... * 500 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,379 NARRATOR: So, that was Thanksgiving 2005. 501 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,448 To be honest, it didn't go great. 502 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,650 But life has plenty of good parts. 503 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,519 It's the rough parts that make you thankful 504 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,387 you have people to share it with. 505 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,324 * But I would only stare at my shoes * 506 00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:00,059 * You belong to me 507 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,595 * I belong to you... 508 00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:14,607 Hey, I saw what you did for that guy. 509 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,643 It was really sweet. 510 00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,445 Do you want a dance? 511 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:21,848 Uh, no, thanks. Do you want some yams? 512 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,550 No, thanks. 513 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,717 I'm Amber. 514 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,486 I'm Ted. 515 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,522 Actually... I'm Tracy. 516 00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:32,392 Still Ted. 517 00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:33,993 And that, kids, is the true story 518 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,862 of how I met your mother. 519 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:36,896 What?! What?! 520 00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:38,865 I'm kidding. 521 00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:45,405 Captioned by VISUAL DATA Your Closed Captioning Resource --www.visualdatainc.com--