1 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,717 TED: So, kids, there are many buildings in New York City. 2 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,653 Thousands of apartments, 3 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,190 millions of stories. 4 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,525 And, even though it's been decades, 5 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,128 and someone else lives there now, 6 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,396 there's one apartment in particular 7 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,798 that will always be our apartment. 8 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,200 I have so many great memories 9 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,934 of that place. 10 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,437 Marshall playing video games. 11 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,572 Lily painting on the fire escape. 12 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,208 MAN: Hey! 13 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,611 Sorry, Mr. Matson. 14 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,346 And me making the coffee. 15 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,680 I had this coffee pot-- 16 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,049 it was probably 50 years old at the time-- 17 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:52,019 and it made truly terrible coffee. 18 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,787 We called it Shocky. 19 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:54,688 Plugging in. 20 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,857 Saving game. 21 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:59,960 ( groans ) 22 00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,829 I loved every last detail 23 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,531 of that place, 24 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,032 right down to the incredibly tacky swords 25 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,734 we hung on the wall. 26 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,203 I never wanted any of it to change. 27 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,939 But that's not how life works. 28 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,641 You guys will never believe 29 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,776 what just happened to us. 30 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:16,877 I don't even believe it myself. 31 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,179 LILY: We were in Queens, 32 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,414 and we decided to stop by my apartment. 33 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,815 Wait. Her apartment? 34 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,385 I thought Aunt Lily lived with you and Uncle Marshall. 35 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,420 I could see how you would think that, 36 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,756 but I have to have my own place. 37 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,358 It's an independence thing. 38 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,260 When was the last time you were there? 39 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,994 Three months ago. 40 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,129 What? 41 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,530 It's like fat pants. 42 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,432 You hope you never have to use them, 43 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,100 but you're glad to know they're there. 44 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,637 What the hell? 45 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,005 What? 46 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,074 This is my apartment. 47 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,776 Where? 48 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,511 Right here. 49 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:54,382 What the hell? 50 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,584 Lily, this is a Chinese restaurant. 51 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,253 No, no. This was my apartment. 52 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,054 My dresser was right... 53 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,022 ( gasps ) 54 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,891 That's my dresser! 55 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,728 And this is my closet. 56 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,629 And I spilled 57 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,965 nail polish there. There's the stain. 58 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,667 Hi. How many? 59 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,902 Lily. 60 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,504 Yes. You know me? 61 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,939 Yeah. From your homecoming picture. 62 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:19,907 You're much prettier 63 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,575 in person. 64 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,712 Yeah, I know. The bangs were a mistake. 65 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,814 Where's my stuff?! 66 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,749 Oh, it's all in the back. 67 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,083 We could wrap it up for you. 68 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,185 You want it to go? 69 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,887 This is my apartment. 70 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,656 Not anymore. 71 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:37,958 No way. 72 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,126 You're making this up. 73 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,160 Yeah, the building would have 74 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,395 had to give you some kind of notice. 75 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,531 They sent you a notice about this. 76 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,233 When? Three months ago. 77 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,166 And here's your mail... 78 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,336 minus magazines. 79 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,172 Well, still, legally, they can't just toss you out on the street. 80 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,441 You have a lease. 81 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,677 Okay, so I didn't have a written lease as such, 82 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:57,745 but go ask 83 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,747 my landlady, Mrs. Conroy. 84 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,850 She may be 98 years old, but she's still... 85 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,419 She's dead, isn't she? 86 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,255 Never even saw the bus. 87 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:12,760 My apartment is a Chinese restaurant. 88 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,528 What am I going to do? 89 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,897 Come live with us. Really? 90 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:17,865 Of course. 91 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,733 You sure about this, Ted? 92 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,735 Yeah. I mean, you basically live here anyway. 93 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,704 It's not like it'll change anything. 94 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,206 No, it's like it will change everything. 95 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,140 Oh, Ted, 96 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,009 you are so screwed. 97 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,043 What are you talking about? 98 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,379 And why is that girl 99 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,013 checking you out? 100 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,182 Because I look good. 101 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,550 Now, focus. 102 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,252 You and Marshall are roommates. 103 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,720 You have an amazing apartment. 104 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,555 Marshall and Lily just got engaged. 105 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,623 Yeah, so? 106 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,458 So, you're not still going to be his roommate 107 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:45,626 when he gets married, are you? 108 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:46,860 Someone's going to move out. 109 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,161 So who's it going to be? 110 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,963 Come on, Barney, I'm sure they've talked 111 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,064 about who gets the apartment. 112 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,633 You've talked about who gets the apartment, right? 113 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,302 Yeah, we've talked about it. 114 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:58,138 So, when Lily and I get married, 115 00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,941 who's going to get the apartment? 116 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,176 Oh, that's a tough one. 117 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,778 You know who I think could handle 118 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,046 a problem like that? 119 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,048 Who? 120 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,218 Future Ted and Future Marshall. 121 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,287 Totally. 122 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,888 Let's let those guys handle it. 123 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,790 Damn it, Past Ted. 124 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,627 You blew it, dude. 125 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,495 Now that Lily's there, it's a whole new dynamic. 126 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,863 They're edging you out. 127 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,132 That's crazy. They're not edging me out. 128 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,300 Marshall's my best friend. 129 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,401 ( gasps ) 130 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,002 One of my best friends. 131 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,472 He wouldn't do that to me. 132 00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:34,174 Just keep your eyes open. That's all I'm saying, Teddy. 133 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,409 Little things 134 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,411 are going to be changing around that apartment. 135 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,846 Come on, Barney, you're just being paranoid. 136 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,915 Okay, seriously, what is this girl's deal? 137 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,585 I'm sort of on a date with her. 138 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:45,285 What? 139 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,454 Yeah, yeah. 140 00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,622 I found her online. 141 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,091 I'm tired of the whole bar scene, 142 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,593 the one-night hookups. 143 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,628 I'm looking for a soul mate. 144 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:55,496 Someone who 145 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,264 I can love and cuddle. 146 00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:00,067 Or so it says in my profile. 147 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,803 ( evil laughter ) 148 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,605 But this girl... 149 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,374 she wants the same stuff. 150 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,709 And it's... it's bumming me out. 151 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,678 All right, Ted, call me from the hospital. 152 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:11,412 All right. 153 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,346 You're going to the hospital? 154 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,581 No. See, he's going 155 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,948 to go back over there, and I'm going to call him. 156 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,384 He's going to pretend it's an emergency call 157 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,418 from a family member at the hospital. 158 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,520 Oh, Lord. Fake emergency? 159 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,989 That is the lamest, most pathetic cop-out 160 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,391 in the book. 161 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,958 I expect more from you, Barney. 162 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,193 Well, stay tuned. 163 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,728 I'm working on some stuff. 164 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,563 But, in the meantime, wish me luck. 165 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,201 So, are you going to talk to Marshall? 166 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,769 He's going to want the apartment, 167 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,270 I'm going to want the apartment. 168 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,172 It's going to lead to an argument. So, no. 169 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,774 Hmm, that's real healthy. 170 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,776 So, when a serious issue comes up, 171 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,446 your response is just to avoid it? 172 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,115 I should really make this call. 173 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,451 Ooh, can I do it? 174 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,355 ( phone ringing ) 175 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,324 Excuse me. 176 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,526 Hello. 177 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,628 Hi, there... sexy. 178 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,431 Hello, Aunt Cathy. What's up? 179 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,798 Oh, nothing. 180 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,167 Just sitting here thinking about you, 181 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,368 hot stuff. 182 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,671 An accident? 183 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:13,574 Well, is Uncle Rudy going to be okay? 184 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,776 Aunt Cathy's got an itch 185 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,146 that only you can scratch, big boy. 186 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,049 Oh, God! 187 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,385 Why did he think he could build his own helicopter? 188 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:29,723 Oh, come on, Daddy, break me off a piece of that white chocolate. 189 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,493 Well, if he needs a transplant, 190 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,595 he can have mine. 191 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,329 ( voice breaking ): I'll be right there. 192 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,932 You know... I... 193 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,135 ( sobbing ) 194 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,871 See you guys later. 195 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,608 Put it on my check. 196 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,478 Ah! This will be nice. 197 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,080 The three of us living together. 198 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,748 I think it's a good setup. 199 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,586 Man, this coffee's great. 200 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,689 It's really great. 201 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,958 Too great. 202 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,363 What happened to Shocky? 203 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,932 ( gasps ) 204 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,709 What's this? 205 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,811 My coffeemaker from my apartment. 206 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,378 It makes great coffee, right? 207 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,580 TED: Yeah, definitely. 208 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,282 I mean, so does Shocky. 209 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,183 MARSHALL: Really? 210 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,585 I always thought 211 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,987 Shocky's coffee tasted kind of rusty. 212 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,556 Yeah, no, it did. 213 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:38,458 I mean, I kind of liked the rusty taste. 214 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,761 I'm used to it. I don't know. 215 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:44,131 Also, Lily's coffeemaker doesn't, you know, 216 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,933 shock people. 217 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,335 No, it's just... 218 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,703 You got to admit that shock, that... 219 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,071 wakes you up in the morning. 220 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,207 You know what else wakes you up in the morning? 221 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,108 Coffee. 222 00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,078 That's great. 223 00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,212 You're right. 224 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,348 Roomies. 225 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,550 Ha! I love it. 226 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,252 They're edging me out. 227 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,987 They're totally edging me out. 228 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,522 I didn't believe it, but you're right. 229 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,657 Told you. 230 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,924 That Lily-- she's a shrewd one. 231 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,460 Yeah, she got you a nice new coffeemaker. 232 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,228 How dare she. 233 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,965 It's not just the coffeemaker. 234 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,299 Done. 235 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,134 The painting's done. 236 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,303 That is great. 237 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,772 Nice. 238 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,273 Where do you want to hang it? 239 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,307 I don't know. 240 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,909 Uh... 241 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,711 Over the piano? 242 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,547 Yeah, that would be a good place for it. 243 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,583 Too bad the swords are there. 244 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,284 We kind of love those swords. 245 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,955 Well, those swords have been up there a long time. 246 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:42,823 I know, right? 247 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:43,991 I'd really miss them, too. 248 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,427 So, maybe Marshall's room. 249 00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,162 Okay. 250 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,432 He was going to take the swords down. 251 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,300 Can you believe that? 252 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,201 Ted, why don't you 253 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,368 just talk to him. 254 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:56,369 He's your best friend. 255 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,738 ( sputtering ) 256 00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,407 One of your best friends. 257 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,576 The point is, 258 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,612 maybe it's time for some healthy communication. 259 00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,346 Healthy communication? 260 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:09,016 That's the worst idea ever. 261 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,619 Look, you held off their first advance. That's good. 262 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,120 Now it's time to counterstrike. 263 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,688 Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do? 264 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,657 You got to mark your territory. 265 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,491 And I don't mean missing the toilet. 266 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,394 You've got to do something big. 267 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:22,930 What, like buy a new sofa? 268 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,432 Bigger. 269 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,534 Katie's here. Okay, real quick... 270 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:28,936 last night-- epiphany-- 271 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,104 I realized what the world of dating needs. 272 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,806 Ready? A lemon law. 273 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,175 A lemon law like for cars? 274 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,509 Exactly. 275 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,911 From the moment the date begins, 276 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,312 you have five minutes to decide 277 00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,348 whether you're going to commit to an entire evening. 278 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,282 And, if you don't, 279 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,483 it's no hard feelings. 280 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,118 Just, "Good night. Thanks for playing. 281 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,620 See you never." 282 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,821 Huh? Huh? 283 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,857 The lemon law-- it's going to be a thing. 284 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,125 Possibly, starting right now. 285 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:55,729 Hi, Katie. Barney. 286 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,030 ( loud obnoxious voice ): Hi. 287 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,767 It's good to finally meet you. 288 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,404 Hmm, yeah. 289 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,505 Katie, 290 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:08,208 you are about to be a part of history. 291 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,082 Tell your friends. 292 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,218 It's going to be a thing. 293 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,989 Man, Ted's been acting weird. 294 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,324 He started labeling all his food. 295 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,593 He even carved "Ted" into that block of cheese. 296 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,295 Yeah. 297 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,697 Well, now it's Ed's. 298 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,565 I think he's not cool 299 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,267 with me moving in. 300 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,469 No, that's not it. 301 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,105 You've basically lived here all along. 302 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,439 Ted loves you. 303 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:41,574 So what's he PMSing about? 304 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,576 I don't know. 305 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,612 But, when he's ready to talk to me about it, 306 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,247 he'll come and talk to me about it. 307 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,148 Are you kidding? 308 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,050 You guys never talk about anything. 309 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,752 ( knocking ) He'll just let it 310 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,086 fester under the surface 311 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,955 until he doesn't something big and passive-aggressive. 312 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,924 You clearly don't know Ted. 313 00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,893 Delivery for Ted Mosby. 314 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,735 Your English phone booth arrived. 315 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,170 Oh, awesome! 316 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,538 It's great, right? 317 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,106 Yeah, I guess. 318 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,675 I'm just not sure if Lily's going to like it. 319 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,779 Well, I like it, 320 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,614 so I'm just going to keep it right here, 321 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,116 if that's cool. 322 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,118 Of course. 323 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,154 I mean, we all live here, so... 324 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,422 we should all be able to have things the way we want them. 325 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,423 Exactly. 326 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,125 Great. 327 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,193 Terrific. 328 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,695 You like the phone booth, it stays. 329 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,630 I like this painting... 330 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,766 so I'm just 331 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,268 going to hang it... 332 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,336 right here on the wall. 333 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,442 Mmm. 334 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,543 Oh. 335 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,112 So it's like that, is it? 336 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,848 ( imitates phone ringing ) 337 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,183 ( British accent ): Oh, hello, guvnor. 338 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,450 Oh, it's like that, isn't it? 339 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,718 Cheerio. 340 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,453 ( normal voice ): Yeah, it's like that. 341 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,990 I want this apartment! 342 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,292 Well, I want it, too! 343 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,760 You're a jerk. 344 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,595 No, I'm a visionary. 345 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,330 Lemon law! It's going to be a thing. 346 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,835 For the record, 347 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,037 your little lemon law is a symbol of everything 348 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,539 that's wrong with our no-attention-span society. 349 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,109 No. Wrong. Lemon law's awesome. 350 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,077 It takes longer than five minutes 351 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,313 to really get to know someone. 352 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,981 You keep giving up on people so quickly. 353 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,516 You could miss out on something great. 354 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,019 Okay, you're on a blind date. 355 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,888 Sitting across from the table is... that guy. 356 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:38,391 You really think it'll take more than five minutes 357 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,128 to realize there will be no date number two? 358 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,695 Yes, I do. 359 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,632 For all I know, that guy's my soul mate. 360 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,400 Oh... 361 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,169 bad move, Scherbotsky. 362 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,971 Hi. 363 00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:54,007 Have you met Robin? 364 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,642 Hi. 365 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:56,944 Hi. 366 00:12:58,578 --> 00:12:59,779 All right, Marshall, 367 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,115 we're deciding right now who gets this apartment. 368 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,818 May lead to an argument, 369 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,386 but we're settling this. 370 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,055 Or we could flip a coin. 371 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,156 Yeah, let's flip a coin. 372 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:12,893 Flip it. Okay. 373 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,027 I'm flipping it. Here I go. 374 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,728 Flip it. Okay, here I go. 375 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,796 Flip it. I'm flipping. 376 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,899 Go ahead. Flip it. I'm flipping. 377 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,401 But, before I do, I just want to say something. 378 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,303 You didn't even want to move in here in the first place. 379 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,372 You said a prewar building was bad for your allergies. 380 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,340 That was five years ago. Now you can get 381 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,909 prescription-level antihistamines over the counter. 382 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,878 Oh, snap. What else you got? 383 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,513 Okay, I'm flipping. Heads or tails? 384 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,615 You don't need two rooms. 385 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,884 Heads or tails, Marshall. 386 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,718 Like you need two rooms. 387 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,253 We might be starting a family soon. 388 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,621 Oh, no, you're not. There's no way you're having a baby 389 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,789 while you're still in law school. 390 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,357 It's going to be at least three years. 391 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,492 It could be sooner. 392 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,826 We're not that careful with our birth control. 393 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,061 Two-zip. 394 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,930 Oh, come on! You know damn well, 395 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,398 I move out, that room's going unused. 396 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,300 Oh, and I suppose you'll get a new roommate. 397 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,701 Who's it going to be? Barney? 398 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,369 You know, he cooks naked. 399 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,837 Yeah, well, at least 400 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,806 Barney wouldn't take the swords down. 401 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,241 We were bros! 402 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,310 These swords represent our bro-hood. And you took 403 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,211 them down to make 404 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,879 room for your fiancée's stupid painting? 405 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,047 My fiancée? 406 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,216 Suddenly she's "my" fiancée? 407 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,984 Lily's a part of who I am. 408 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,252 And, if you're such a bro, 409 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:13,954 she's a part of who you are, too. 410 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,722 She's a bro by extension. 411 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,925 I deserve this apartment, Marshall. 412 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,094 No more than I do. 413 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,898 Great. So let's flip for it. 414 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,066 Flip it. 415 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,546 So is this how we're deciding who gets the apartment? 416 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,948 I guess so. 417 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,715 How we doing this exactly? 418 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,051 Is this, like, to the death? 419 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,585 We should probably figure that out. 420 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,054 Ooh! Ow. Ow. 421 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,388 He's okay, he's okay. 422 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,258 Can I observe something? 423 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,759 That this is kind of awesome? 424 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,794 Totally. 425 00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:55,895 I can't believe we didn't do this before. 426 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,097 I know. 427 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,134 Thank you. 428 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,637 I can't believe this. 429 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,873 I'm sitting here with a beautiful woman I just met, 430 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,875 eating at my favorite restaurant. 431 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:09,977 Sweet. 432 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,911 It's a nice place. 433 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:15,248 It's good to know the future has ribs. 434 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,950 In the future, food will most likely 435 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,418 be served in gel cap form. 436 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,990 Plus, cows will probably have died out by then. 437 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,591 Or be our leaders. 438 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,926 ( cell phone rings ) 439 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,030 Hello. 440 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,064 ( chuckling ): H-H-H-H-Hey. 441 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,332 Time's running out, Scherbotsky. 442 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,866 Last chance for the lemon law. 443 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,402 Leave me alone. 444 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,536 4:56, 4:57, 445 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,071 4:58... 446 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,073 We're only just getting to know each other. 447 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,842 Say I'm right and this could all be over. 448 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,311 This could be your call from the hospital. 449 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,046 Sorry. 450 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,447 Let me guess. 451 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:50,617 There's been a crazy accident and you have to go. 452 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,719 No, I would never do that. 453 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,021 I don't want to go anywhere. 454 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,056 I'm all yours. 455 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,058 Look, if you're a hooker, 456 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,493 I don't have a lot of money... 457 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,164 ( yelling ) 458 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,765 Oh, that was awesome. I know. 459 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,334 Do it again. Okay. 460 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,968 But this time jump up and I'll swipe your legs. 461 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,706 ( yells ) 462 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,878 Look... 463 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,413 here's why I should get the place. 464 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,649 You and Lily, you get to be married. 465 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,117 What do I get, right? 466 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,986 I get to be unmarried, alone, minus two roommates. 467 00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:28,988 And, on top of that, I have to be homeless. 468 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,090 Does that seem fair? 469 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,624 Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo. 470 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:32,792 What?! 471 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,027 "Woe is me! 472 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,128 "I'm not married yet. 473 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,397 My ovaries are shrinking." 474 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:39,066 Ted, if you wanted to be married by now, 475 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,200 you would be, but you're not. 476 00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,334 And you know why? 477 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,403 Because you're irrationally picky, 478 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,905 you're easily distracted and you're utterly anhedonic. 479 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,307 "Anhedonic"? 480 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,542 Anhedonic. It means you can't enjoy anything. 481 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,678 The hell I can't. I'm enjoying this. 482 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,080 I know. This rules! 483 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,484 ( yells ) 484 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,418 Hey. 485 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,153 I'm sorry I took those swords down. 486 00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,721 Dude, that's okay. It led to this 487 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,491 totally rad swordfight, didn't it? Yeah, it did. 488 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,025 ( grunts ) 489 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,230 You remember when we first got these swords? 490 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,731 It was the day we moved in. 491 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,633 Congratulations, Marshall, 492 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,768 we live in an apartment with swords on the wall. 493 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,405 List of lifelong dreams, you're now half as long. 494 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,242 Crap, I'm missing one of the screws for this table. 495 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:23,443 Just use this wood glue. 496 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,011 It'll hold. 497 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,746 Yeah. 498 00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,149 ( grunting, yelling ) 499 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,583 ( Lily screams ) 500 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,691 Oh, God! I'll be right there. 501 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:39,626 Kevin, I'm 502 00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,027 so sorry. I have to go. 503 00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,230 My friend's been stabbed with a sword. 504 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,498 Hab Slosi' Quch! 505 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,601 It's a Klingon insult. 506 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,936 You have no honor. 507 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,571 You know, 508 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,240 if you felt this way, you could've just been up-front. 509 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,675 No, I swear, that was a real call. I just... 510 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,544 Oh, forget it. 511 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,616 I stabbed Lily. 512 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:06,586 I stabbed my fiancée. 513 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,655 Come on, Marshall. 514 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,291 Do you really think she's still your fiancée? 515 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,626 I'm kidding. 516 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:17,164 Hey, I think you guys should have the apartment. 517 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:20,233 But you fought so bravely for it. 518 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,669 I wasn't fighting for the apartment, 519 00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,237 I was fighting for... 520 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,338 I don't know... 521 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,974 for everything to stay the way it is. 522 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,743 But I'm not going to get that, so... 523 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:31,944 seriously, 524 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,646 take the place. It's yours. 525 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:34,981 Is she okay? 526 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,849 They're just patching her up. She's going to be fine. 527 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,219 So get this: I was on a date with this girl, Jackie... 528 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,589 What? You said she's fine. 529 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,024 So, anyway, I was on a date with this girl, Jackie... 530 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:48,060 Wow, Jackie, you make a really great first impression. 531 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,396 I have a feeling 532 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,064 that tonight you might end up being Jackie... 533 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,934 oh. 534 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,703 Yeah. 535 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,739 I'm sorry. I'm going to have to lemon law you. 536 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,509 It's out there. 537 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,376 It's a thing. 538 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,245 The lemon law is a thing! 539 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,913 Damn! I should've called it Barney's law. 540 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,181 But you totally... 541 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,749 Just let him have this one. 542 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,919 All set. 543 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,521 She said she'd like to see 544 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,324 the knights of the poorly constructed roundtable? 545 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,760 That's us. 546 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,364 A sword fight? 547 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,367 Sorry, Lily. Sorry, Lily. 548 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:30,437 On Monday, I'm going to have to tell my kindergarten class, 549 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,839 who I teach not to run with scissors, 550 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:36,709 that my fiancé ran me through with a frickin' broadsword. 551 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,412 Well, just to be fair, 552 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,647 it didn't go all the way through. 553 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:44,917 I'm sorry. Is this a discussion of the degree 554 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,519 to which you stabbed me? 555 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,988 You're right. 556 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,390 I'm sorry. 557 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,992 We were fighting to see who gets the apartment, 558 00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,394 and I won. 559 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,963 Uh, you didn't win. I... 560 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,298 Uh... ...gave it to you. 561 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,066 You know what...? Wait, wait, wait. 562 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,101 I don't want that apartment. 563 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,570 It's a boy apartment. 564 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:07,307 It's... full of swords and video games and... 565 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,842 kind of smells like dude. 566 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,046 I mean, it's fine for now. 567 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,648 But, when we get married, 568 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,950 I want to start a new life with you... 569 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,320 in a new place. 570 00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,190 Gonna miss the old place. 571 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,626 I will, too. 572 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,128 But we're not going to get married for, like, a year. 573 00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:31,264 Yeah, that's Future Marshall's problem. 574 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,699 Let that guy deal with it. 575 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,767 Totally. 576 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,803 Maybe it's the massive blood loss talking, 577 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,938 but I'm starving. 578 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,040 Let's go get some dinner. 579 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,175 I know just the place. 580 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,211 Chinese restaurant. 581 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,779 I still don't believe it. 582 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,947 I told you. 583 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:50,483 Hey, a toast. 584 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,619 Life is full of changes. 585 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,687 One day you have an apartment, 586 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,790 the next day it's a house of dumplings. 587 00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,992 But the important stuff doesn't change. 588 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,328 To the important stuff. 589 00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:02,862 Hear, hear. Cheers. Cheers. 590 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,998 And to the lemon law. 591 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,402 Self-click. 592 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:12,004 And, by the way, I bought these glasses. 593 00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:13,239 Bought them at Ikea. 594 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:16,042 These are my glasses! 595 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,176 I love this song. 596 00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:18,445 I haven't heard this in forever. 597 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,680 And I'm pretty sure this is a mix tape 598 00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:22,214 you made me in sophomore year. 599 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,583 Yeah, right. 600 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:27,286 Lily, your apartment makes the best Shanghai dumplings. 601 00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,089 ( on tape ): I love you, Lily. 602 00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:32,492 Happy Valentine's Day 1998. 603 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:33,860 ( laughing ) 604 00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:35,828 * I get knocked down, but I get up again * 605 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,664 * You're never gonna keep me down * 606 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,999 * I get knocked down, but I get up again *