1
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,751
TED:
You know how Aunt Robin's
a big fan of Halloween,

2
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,453
always dressing up
in crazy costumes?

3
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,422
Well, she wasn't always
that way.

4
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:25,226
Back in 2005, she thought
she was too cool for Halloween,

5
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,027
unlike Aunt Lily.

6
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,397
Guess what came
in the mail today?

7
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,964
Our costumes?
Do they rule?

8
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,100
They rule.

9
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,267
And yours is 100% wool,

10
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,002
so you won't
get hypothermia

11
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,604
like last year.

12
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:39,907
Tarzan nipples blue.

13
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,475
You know what I love
about Halloween?

14
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:43,010
It's the one night
of the year

15
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,879
chicks use to unleash
their inner ho-bag.

16
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:46,914
If a girl dresses
up as a witch,

17
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,516
she's a slutty witch.

18
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,652
If she's a cat,
she's a slutty cat.

19
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:52,653
If she's a nurse...

20
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:53,787
Wow, we get it.

21
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,657
...she's a slutty nurse.

22
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,260
Robin, what are you doing
for Halloween?

23
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,394
Oh, I don't know.

24
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,462
Probably hanging
out with Mike,

25
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,097
this guy I've
been seeing.

26
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,099
Mike? There's a Mike?

27
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,335
You have a boyfriend
and you haven't told us?

28
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,602
No, I mean, he's
not my boyfriend.

29
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,138
He's just this guy
I've been seeing

30
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,372
for a couple of weeks.

31
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,740
( sing-songy ):
Boyfriend!

32
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,208
So why haven't we met him?

33
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:16,910
We're not really ready
to go public yet.

34
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,079
( sing-songy ):
Married.

35
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,749
How about we go on a
Halloween double date?

36
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:22,850
I don't know.

37
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,386
We were kind of thinking
about staying at home

38
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,155
and dressing up
as naked people.

39
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,657
Come on, Robin, trot
out your new fella.

40
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,925
Let us judge and evaluate
him behind your back.

41
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:32,860
It'll be fun.

42
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,929
Hey, Ted, you'll never guess
what happened.

43
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:36,764
Your costumes came?

44
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,199
Our cost... Yes.

45
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,500
That is why
we're best friends.

46
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,002
Hey, Ted, what are you
doing for Halloween?

47
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:42,836
Well...

48
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,104
( groaning )
What?

49
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,906
Every Halloween, Ted waits

50
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,275
for the Slutty Pumpkin.

51
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,075
That's right.

52
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,577
What's the "Slutty Pumpkin"?

53
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,445
You mean, "Who is
the Slutty Pumpkin?"

54
00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,647
It was four years ago...

55
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:56,049
I was at this Halloween party
up on the roof of our building.

56
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,418
I'm about to call it
an early night

57
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,487
when out of nowhere
appeared this girl

58
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,056
in the sexiest pumpkin costume.

59
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,659
Wait, how can a pumpkin
costume be sexy?

60
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,761
It was carved
in strategic places.

61
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,130
So, uh, we're at the bar,

62
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,732
and I see her mix Kahlua...

63
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,100
Kahlua and root beer.

64
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,102
A cocktail
she invented herself.

65
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:15,869
And she called it...

66
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,137
"The Tootsie Roll..."

67
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,172
ALL:
Because it tastes

68
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,973
like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll.
Hey!

69
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,442
Can I please tell the story?

70
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,043
So we had
this instant connection.

71
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,413
She gave me her number,
but then...

72
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,548
ALL:
Something went terribly wrong.

73
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,350
Guys!

74
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,051
Then something went
terribly wrong.

75
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,854
Happy Halloween.

76
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,490
Sonny, where's Cher?

77
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:40,228
Cher?
Right here, babe.

78
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,330
I just met
the perfect woman.

79
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,165
She's funny.
She's beautiful.

80
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,400
She loves Star Wars.

81
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,101
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's her take on Ewoks?

82
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:48,969
Loves 'em.

83
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,037
Oh, good.

84
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,939
I don't know why people
are so cynical about Ewoks.

85
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,475
The rebellion would have failed
without the Ewoks.

86
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,943
And get this:
She's a marine biologist.

87
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,145
She spent a year in Antarctica
studying penguins.

88
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,179
Oh, penguins are cool.

89
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,814
Kind of like
black-and-white Ewoks.

90
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,782
I approve.

91
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,017
Hey, where's my,
uh, Kit-Kat?

92
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,753
I put it right here
on this table.
I don't know,

93
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,055
but we've plenty
of chocolate here.

94
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,089
No, no, you don't understand.

95
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,458
I need that Kit-Kat;
she wrote her number

96
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,825
on that wrapper. Where is it?

97
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,261
Uh-oh.

98
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,497
Hey, Dracula!

99
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,931
Come on, give me the...
Give me it!

100
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,036
Where's the Kit-Kat?

101
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,539
Where's the Kit-Kat?!

102
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,476
Never found her number,
never saw her again.

103
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,510
But every year,
they have

104
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,911
a Halloween party
up on the roof,

105
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,246
so that's where I'll be.

106
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,081
You know, Ted,
it's been four years.

107
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,450
She could be engaged
or married,

108
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:39,753
or, God forbid, fat.

109
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,255
I don't know.

110
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:43,524
I got a feeling.
This could be the year.

111
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,826
Halloween is a night
of wonder and magic.

112
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,027
( all groan )

113
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,061
All right, bring
the mockery.

114
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,297
Fine, I can take it.

115
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,964
But, come on, wouldn't it be
the coolest story ever

116
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,966
if the Slutty Pumpkin
turned out to be my future wife?

117
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,704
Oh, on the off-chance
that that could happen,

118
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,473
maybe we should stop calling her
the Slutty Pumpkin.

119
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:00,808
That's a really good point.

120
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,142
That's a good idea.

121
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,045
Ted, is your
world ready

122
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,080
to be rocked,
rocked, rocked?

123
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,449
Can't wait.

124
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,920
So...

125
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,555
what do you think?

126
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,856
So, what do you think?

127
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,525
( squawks )

128
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,092
Wow.

129
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,794
Marshall, are you wearing
eyeliner?

130
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:21,862
Oh, yeah.

131
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,731
Weirdly hot, right?

132
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,501
We are so going to win the
costume contest this year.

133
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:30,438
First prize: $50 gift
certificate at the bar.

134
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,039
And how much did you pay
for your costumes?

135
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,273
$100.

136
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,475
Each.

137
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:38,346
Well, I think
you guys look great.

138
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,749
What are you going as?
Oh, like I even need to ask.

139
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,484
Hey, I want the Slutty Pumpkin
to recognize me,

140
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:46,620
and she knows me as...
a hanging chad.

141
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,323
What? She thought
it was hilarious.

142
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:50,824
Yeah, four years ago,

143
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,894
but nobody remembers
what the hell a hanging chad is.

144
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,128
What a sad commentary

145
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,430
on our national
attention span--

146
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,366
that we could forget
such a turbulent time

147
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,501
in our political history.

148
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:01,902
Sad commentary.

149
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:02,870
( squawks )

150
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:03,971
All right,

151
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:04,938
Polly got to pee.

152
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,874
Again?

153
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,175
Where you going?

154
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,544
It's an elaborate costume.

155
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,550
( power chords playing
pop intro )

156
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:29,062
* Highway to the danger zone

157
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:34,334
* Gonna take you
right into the danger zone *

158
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,369
( music stops )

159
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,471
No, no, not again,
not this year.

160
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,839
You're going as my wingman.

161
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:39,840
Flight suit up.

162
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:40,741
No thanks.

163
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,176
I'm sticking with
the hanging chad.

164
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,712
Oh, you're dangerous,
Maverick.

165
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,347
Your ego's writing checks
your body can't cash.

166
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:48,816
Okay.

167
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,920
Here's the plan,
and I crap you not.

168
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:53,921
I'm getting us

169
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:57,658
into the Victoria's Secret
Halloween Party.

170
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,393
Trust me, by the end
of the night,

171
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,929
your chad will not
be hanging.

172
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,564
We can get rejected
by supermodels

173
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:04,632
any night of the year.

174
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:05,866
Tonight I'm going
up to the roof,

175
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,034
I'm going to
have a few beers,

176
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,902
I'm going to wait for
the Slutty Pumpkin.

177
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,504
It's just what I do.

178
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:13,240
Hmm. Victoria's Secret models

179
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,576
prancing around in bras
and panties...

180
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:20,080
or Yale preppies reuniting
their stupid a capella group.

181
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,049
What's that, left hand?
"Right hand sucks"?

182
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,517
Word.

183
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,752
Heading up to the roof.

184
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,087
Well, boys, looks like
it's just the three of us.

185
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,556
What's that? "Self five"?

186
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,723
Nice. We out.

187
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,327
Hey, Chad,
how's it hanging?

188
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:37,064
Hey, word play, funny.

189
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,500
Whoo, nice outfit.

190
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,934
I'm a parrot.

191
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,436
You sure are.

192
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,471
Where's Mike?

193
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,538
He's meeting me here.

194
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,173
I ran late covering
the Halloween parade

195
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,508
in the Village.

196
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,610
There are, like,
a zillion gay pirates this year.

197
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,546
Seriously,
does my eyeliner look okay?

198
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,482
Yes, it's weirdly hot.

199
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,650
So, where's your costume?

200
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,251
( knocking )
Uh, you know,
Mike and I joked

201
00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,520
about doing
something together,

202
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,022
but we decided
not to dress up.

203
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,892
Oh, geez.

204
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:06,560
Hi.

205
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,995
Uh, everyone,

206
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,029
this is Michael.

207
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,298
That is not his real hair.

208
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,133
Um, where's your
costume, Gretel?

209
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,434
You thought I was...

210
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,369
Oh, I was just kidding.

211
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,171
I've got to stop
making jokes in e-mails.

212
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,674
It's so hard to convey tone.

213
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,544
I think we got them beat.

214
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,349
I can't believe you
talked me into this.

215
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,019
I didn't.
You followed me up here.

216
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,321
This party sucks.

217
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:37,190
There's seven
chicks here.

218
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:40,060
There's six
chicks here.

219
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,062
Relax. The night is young.

220
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,463
It's going to get better.

221
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,065
Ladies and gentlemen,

222
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,101
as on pitch as they were
at Spring Fling '95,

223
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:51,505
it's my pleasure to welcome back
the Shaggarats.

224
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,106
CROWD ( cheering ):
Whoo!

225
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,843
Whoo!

226
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:59,412
* My Bonnie lies
over the ocean *

227
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:02,550
* My Bonnie lies
over the sea *

228
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:06,787
* My Bonnie lies
over the ocean *

229
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,957
* Oh, bring back
my Bonnie to me *

230
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,196
( all giggling )

231
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,865
( mimicking pirate ):
What be a pirate's

232
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,034
favorite kind
of sweater?

233
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,270
Arr-gyle.

234
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,106
MARSHALL:
And what be

235
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:31,879
a pirate's favorite
fast food restaurant?

236
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,281
Arr-by's.

237
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,551
'Twould think it
would be Arby's.

238
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,153
( regular voice ):
But, actually, it's
Long John Silver's.

239
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,454
( all chuckling )

240
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,523
Actually, I kind of
need this hand to eat.

241
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,458
Oh..

242
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,060
( chuckles )

243
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,629
Oh, yeah.

244
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,697
( both growl like pirates )

245
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,464
Oh, thank you.

246
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:52,566
I'm starrr...ving!

247
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:53,767
Thank you.

248
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,537
It's so nice
to meet you, Mike.

249
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,106
You guys are
really cute together.

250
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,374
Yeah, we've been spending
a lot of time together.

251
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,877
We're even getting to that point
where we finish each other's...

252
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,479
This cheeseburger
is so...

253
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,481
Good. See?

254
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,150
( chuckles )

255
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,720
I think you won
the dish-off tonight, baby.

256
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,455
This steak totally
bitch-slapped my pork chops.

257
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,857
MARSHALL:
That may be true,

258
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,694
but your rice pilaf kicked
my spinach in the crotch

259
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,796
so hard it threw up
a little bit.

260
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,497
( laughs )

261
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,033
MARSHALL:
Mmm... mmm.

262
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,467
Mmm.

263
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,837
Robin, you have
to try this chicken.

264
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,005
Oh, that's good.
I'm okay. Thanks.

265
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,541
It's really tasty.

266
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,144
I'm just really feeling
this cheeseburger.

267
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,779
MIKE:
Come on.

268
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,013
Just try a little bite.

269
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,783
Dude, I'm kind of
in the zone here.

270
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,689
Oh, for God's sakes.

271
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:53,060
Really tasty.

272
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:57,765
( sustaining notes
in harmony )

273
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,836
( cheering and applause )

274
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,206
Hey.

275
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,941
Hey.

276
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,978
So what does a fella
have to do

277
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,081
to get lei'd around here?

278
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:17,584
Yeah.

279
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:21,021
Right. 'Cause I'm
wearing a lei.

280
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:24,858
It isn't funny
if you explain the joke.

281
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:27,995
Let's bail.

282
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,097
No, Barney, come on.
I'm having fun.

283
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,766
Plus, it's really great to
see all these guys again.

284
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,335
Name one person you know
at this party.

285
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,204
Well, there's Ninja,

286
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,339
Back of Horse.

287
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,674
Hey, where's
Front of Horse?

288
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,076
That guy's a riot.
Where is he?

289
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,412
Okay, I'm leaving.

290
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,280
But just know that this
Victoria's Secret party

291
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,648
is on a yacht.

292
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,718
And what will be sticking
to that yacht?

293
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,286
The "Barnacle."

294
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,454
Really?

295
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,655
That's your
nickname now?

296
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,690
Yeah, the Barnacle.
The Barnacle?

297
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:57,925
That's it.

298
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,193
Barnacle out.

299
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,129
Have fun, Barnacle.

300
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,533
So... do you like Mike?

301
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,235
Do you like Mike?

302
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,770
Of course I do. Why?

303
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,939
It just doesn't
seem like it.

304
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,674
You won't share your food.
You won't wear a costume.

305
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,143
Oh, Lily, you know me.

306
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,178
I'm just not into
all that coupley stuff.

307
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,981
Okay, I know that stuff
looks dumb from the outside,

308
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,483
but it's kind of the
greatest thing in the world

309
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,718
when you're a part of it.

310
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,019
If you just gave it

311
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,055
a chance, you might like it.

312
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,957
Are you trying to get me
to join a cult?

313
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,225
Robin, Mike likes you.

314
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,227
If you don't start
meeting him halfway,

315
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,362
you're gonna lose him.

316
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,296
What?

317
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,464
Look, it's Halloween.

318
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:40,633
Just put on the girlfriend
costume for a night.

319
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:43,804
Okay, well, what am I
supposed to do,

320
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,807
buy him a giant teddy bear
or something?

321
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,210
How about you start
by sharing dessert?

322
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,579
I can share dessert.

323
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:53,713
Good.

324
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,850
He better want
the brownie sundae,

325
00:11:56,884 --> 00:12:00,220
but yeah, yeah,
I can totally share.

326
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,663
Barney?

327
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:11,664
What, you're back?

328
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,632
That's right.

329
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,267
In a totally
new costume.

330
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:17,504
Every Halloween
I bring a spare costume,

331
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,373
in case I strike out with
the hottest girl at the party.

332
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,743
That way I have a second chance
to make a first impression.

333
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:25,879
What's with the face?

334
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,948
It's half you're pathetic,
half I have to pee.

335
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,083
So go to the bathroom.
No, there's a huge line.

336
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,552
I don't want to miss
the "Slutty Pumpkin."

337
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,121
So pee off the roof.

338
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,889
Ooh, Ted,
pee off the roof.

339
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,891
Whoa, I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

340
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,326
There's people
walking down there.

341
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,895
Come on, Ted,
who you gonna listen to?

342
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:45,298
Me or Mr. Goody-Goody
over there?

343
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,969
Yeah, whatever. You
guys got some weed?

344
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,471
A little
to the left, Marshall.

345
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:52,739
ROBIN:
Lily, squat down.

346
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,374
This is gonna be a slaughter.

347
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:58,178
None of these other costumes
even come close to ourrr...s!

348
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,314
Take the damn
picture. ( squawks )

349
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,349
Got it.

350
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,352
I still think we should have won
as Sonny and Cher.

351
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,787
Maybe if I'd worn
the red dress. Huh.

352
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,290
If I could
turn back time.

353
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,059
( gasps )

354
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,760
Oh, wow, this sundae
looks so good.

355
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,062
I could eat
the whole thing.

356
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:18,498
But, um, I would
much rather share

357
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,234
this small one-scoop sundae
with you, Mike.

358
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,904
Apple tart? Excellent
choice, Lily-pad.

359
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,173
Thanks, Marshmallow.

360
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,542
Well, let's dig in, Mi... Mi...
Microwave Oven.

361
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,915
Let me guess.

362
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,118
Every guy's used the lei'd line
on you tonight, huh?

363
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,920
You wouldn't believe.

364
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,222
I apologize for my gender.

365
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,723
Let me make it up to you.
Make you a drink?

366
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,092
Oh.

367
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,894
You certainly are
a charming devil.

368
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,697
I'm also a "horny" devil.

369
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:51,965
Yeah.

370
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,433
( chuckles )

371
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,035
No.

372
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,041
Oh, go to hell.

373
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,246
You know,

374
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,747
if you guys
like tiramisu,

375
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,149
we found this little
Italian place...

376
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,084
No, you found it.
I came with you.

377
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,386
Go on.

378
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,722
I'm just saying,
we love tiramisu.

379
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,690
I cannot get
enough of it.

380
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,192
We're crazy for the stuff.

381
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,228
I'm crazy, and
you're crazy...

382
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,330
...for tiramisu.

383
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,065
MIKE:
Right.

384
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:26,366
We love tiramisu.

385
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,167
Mm-hmm.

386
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,568
Am I wrong saying that?
No, no, no.

387
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,237
I mean, it just sounds
a little bit weird.

388
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,104
Doesn't it?

389
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,973
We love tiramisu?

390
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,707
Isn't really a group activity.

391
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,876
Loving tiramisu?

392
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,478
Right?

393
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:43,917
So this Italian place,
how is their cannoli?

394
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,385
ROBIN:
Oh!

395
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,054
Easy there, hungry.

396
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,192
Mmm.

397
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,761
Yeah, looks like we're
both hungry.

398
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:55,695
( chuckles )

399
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,997
Hey, is that Gary Oldman?

400
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:57,630
Wait... where?

401
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,369
I don't see...

402
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,077
Brain freeze.

403
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,481
Okay, Victoria's Secret party,
right now.

404
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:15,382
Nope.
Come on.

405
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,184
I can't stand watching
my delusional friend

406
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,152
waste another
precious Halloween.

407
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,454
Ted, the "Slutty Pumpkin"
is not coming.

408
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,522
She might.

409
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:23,456
( groans )

410
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,158
Come on, Barney, this
is not about the odds.

411
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,426
It's about believing.

412
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,327
This girl, she...

413
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,996
she represents
something to me.

414
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,397
I don't know.

415
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,531
Hope.

416
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,601
Wow.

417
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,037
I did not understand
a word you just said.

418
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:42,442
Lingerie models on a boat!

419
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,544
See ya.

420
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,779
No. See ya.

421
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:47,814
( laughs devilishly )

422
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,149
Ow!

423
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,520
Want to drink
the melty part?

424
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,821
You know what?

425
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,156
It's getting late.

426
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:57,890
I think I'm gonna

427
00:15:57,924 --> 00:15:58,958
take off.

428
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,727
Hey.

429
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,196
I thought we were gonna
follow those breadcrumbs

430
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,232
back to my place, Hansel.

431
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,800
Robin, I don't get the sense
you like being with me.

432
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,236
I like being with you.

433
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,770
Not as much as you
like being alone.

434
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,205
You like...

435
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,241
eating your own food,
sleeping in your own bed,

436
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,575
doing your own crosswords.

437
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,310
Who uses ink?

438
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,879
Sorry.

439
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,948
Okay, I'm a bit
set in my ways.

440
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,583
That doesn't mean
that this won't work.

441
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,685
Actually, it kind of does.

442
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:28,121
Wait. Are we breaking up?

443
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,490
No,aren't
breaking up.

444
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,460
I'm breaking
up with you.

445
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:43,070
TED:
And then just as I was
about to lose hope...

446
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,076
She spent a year in Antarctica
studying penguins.

447
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,712
Kahlua, root beer...

448
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,381
Could this penguin be

449
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,350
the "Slutty Pumpkin?"

450
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,027
Uh, excuse me.

451
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,130
This is going to sound crazy,

452
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,365
but I met someone
up on this roof four years ago,

453
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:16,736
and they mixed that cocktail,
and-and they loved penguins.

454
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,539
By any chance, was that you?

455
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,310
It's you.

456
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,745
Everyone thought
I was crazy, but I came...

457
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,147
You are such a loser.

458
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,750
Come on, I came
back for you, Ted.

459
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,619
I penguin-suited up

460
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,254
to show you the
error of your ways.

461
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,123
And to score
Hula Girl's number.

462
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,690
Check and check.

463
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,958
Unbelievable.

464
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:41,027
Yes, it is.

465
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,895
Oh. Wait a minute.

466
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,364
You're that lame army guy.

467
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,166
What? No, No,
that's some other guy,

468
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:47,634
and he was a kick-ass
fighter pilot.

469
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,236
I cannot believe I
gave you my number.

470
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,703
Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.

471
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:51,471
Yeah. Well, give it back.

472
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,472
Well, uh, I don't think so.

473
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:53,640
I earned it fair and square.

474
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:54,941
I'm calling you.

475
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,210
But I'm never gonna
go out with you.

476
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,011
But how will you know it's me?

477
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,348
I'm a master of disguise.

478
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,015
Yeah.

479
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:04,684
( sighs )

480
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,255
Nice.

481
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,556
Come on, Ted.

482
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,591
Victoria's Secret party,
now, let's go.

483
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:12,859
I'm staying.

484
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:16,062
( sighs ):
Fine! Fine...

485
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:16,929
What are you doing?

486
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,599
I'm flippering you off.

487
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,937
Oh, sweetie,
I'm so sorry.

488
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,072
Seriously,

489
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,407
it's not a big deal.

490
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,976
He wanted to be a we,
and I wanted to be an I.

491
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,912
Dudes are such chicks.

492
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,681
Hmm.

493
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,715
You guys, I'm fine.

494
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,116
MAN:
Ladies and

495
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,085
gentlemen, the results are in.

496
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,987
And the winners
of this year's

497
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,455
costume contest are...

498
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:44,957
Lily Aldren
as a parrot,

499
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,893
and Marshall Erikson
as a gay pirate!

500
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,094
Oh, yeah!

501
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,496
Wait, what did he say?

502
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,864
Oh, who cares, Marshall?
We won!

503
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,100
Wait. Gay pirate--
where are you getting that from?

504
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,535
Dude, you're
wearing eyeliner.

505
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,669
Okay.

506
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,606
I just want everybody here
to know I'm not a gay pirate.

507
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,708
I have sex
with my parrot all the time.

508
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,476
That came out wrong.

509
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,778
Oh, yeah, doesn't matter.

510
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,046
We won!

511
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,115
I love you,
Marshmallow.

512
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,417
I love you, too, Lily Pad.

513
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,252
You guys, let me
get a picture.

514
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,525
( camera shutter clicking )

515
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:22,161
* I want to know
what it's like *

516
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:27,267
* On the inside of love...

517
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,202
I had a feeling
I'd find you here.

518
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,703
Oh, hey.

519
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,439
If you're here
for the Shaggarats,

520
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,441
you just missed
the fourth encore.

521
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:38,010
I never played any team sports.

522
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,646
Are we playing "I never"?

523
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,081
'Cause there's nothing left
but peach schnapps.

524
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,817
I played tennis in high school.

525
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,052
You know why?

526
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,654
Because it was just me
out there.

527
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,722
I couldn't even stand
playing doubles.

528
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,059
I just got dumped.

529
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,862
Oh, man, that sucks.

530
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,196
Yeah. It's okay.

531
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,765
I wasn't that into him.

532
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,166
Story of my life.

533
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,768
Everyone else is off

534
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,337
falling in love
and acting stupid and goofy

535
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,906
and sweet and insane,
but not me.

536
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,241
Why don't I

537
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,742
want that more?

538
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,344
I want to want that.

539
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,713
Am I wired wrong or something?

540
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:14,747
No.

541
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,783
Look, you didn't want to be
with me,

542
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,151
so, clearly,
you have abysmal taste in men.

543
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:20,920
( laughs )

544
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,022
But you're wired just fine.

545
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,658
Well, what if I'm just a...

546
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,227
a cold person?

547
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,430
Tonight Mike was willing to look

548
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:33,833
like a complete idiot for me,
but I couldn't be Gretel.

549
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,503
Why can't I be Gretel?

550
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,671
Because you just haven't met
the right Hansel yet.

551
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,007
Hey, one day, you're
gonna meet a guy

552
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,276
who's gonna make you want to
look like a complete idiot.

553
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:44,577
Really?

554
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,346
Yeah. He's out there somewhere.

555
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:49,716
Just like the Slutty Pumpkin...
pumpkin, pumpkin...

556
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,085
How do you do this, Ted?

557
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,421
How do you

558
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,023
sit out here all night
on the roof in the cold,

559
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,826
and still have faith
your pumpkin's gonna show up?

560
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,929
Well, I'm pretty drunk.

561
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,063
( laughs )

562
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,633
Look, I know that odds are

563
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,336
the love of my life isn't gonna
magically walk through that door

564
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:13,406
in a pumpkin costume
at 2:43 in the morning, but...

565
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,275
this seems as nice a spot
as any to just,

566
00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:20,347
you know, sit and wait.

567
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,620
( soft groan )

568
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:37,530
* I want to know what it's like
on the inside of love... *