1
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,783
TED:
So, kids, would you like
to hear the story

2
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,151
of the time I went deaf?

3
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,319
Why does he even ask?

4
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,088
I know, he's just going
to tell us anyway.

5
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,589
I sure am.

6
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:22,623
It all began when

7
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,892
Robin strolled into the bar
and said...

8
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,460
Say you're my bitch.

9
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,528
I'm your bitch.

10
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:28,462
Why this time?

11
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:32,833
Because tonight I'm getting us
all into Okay.

12
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,035
"Okay," awesome!

13
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:37,171
What's going on?
Did I just have a stroke?

14
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,972
Okay is the name
of a club.

15
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,040
Yeah, it's supposed to be

16
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:42,042
incredibly exclusive.
This friend of mine

17
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,077
once waited outside
for two hours,

18
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,212
couldn't get in.

19
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,913
A friend of yours named You?

20
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,682
No, a friend of mine
named Shut Up.

21
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,552
Yeah, well, the owner goes
to my gym.

22
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:54,522
It turns out that he is a fan of
my reporting for Metro News One.

23
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,224
So now I'm on the list
for tonight.

24
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,825
Nice going, Scherbatsky.

25
00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,794
You're becoming a long
and difficult-to-spell
household name.

26
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,730
He's even getting me
into the V.I.P. room.

27
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,965
Yeah, he just wants to show you
his own V.I.P.,

28
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,267
if you know what I mean.

29
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,303
All right, what does V.I.P.
stand for

30
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,404
in your little universe?

31
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:14,074
Well, I know that "P" is Penis.

32
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,277
Great, so you guys are in.

33
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,478
Should I invite Marshal
and Lily?

34
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:20,714
Why was this funny?
I'll explain.

35
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:24,218
You see, Lily was
a kindergarten teacher,

36
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:26,187
and so one fateful nap time...

37
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,489
Austin and I spent
Saturday night

38
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,224
at the most charming little
bed and breakfast.

39
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,160
It was so nice.

40
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,527
What did you do this weekend?

41
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:37,831
Go, come on, chug, chug, chug!

42
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,900
Ten seconds!

43
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,235
Suck it, losers!

44
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,371
( belches )

45
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:47,107
You know, quiet time
with the fiancé.

46
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,177
LILY:
I don't know,

47
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:51,111
I just felt embarrassed.

48
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,113
Claire is my age and
she and her husband

49
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,283
do all this classy
grown-up stuff.

50
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,552
Maybe we should start doing
some grown-up stuff.

51
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:01,088
That's some pretty grown-up
stuff we did this morning.

52
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,191
Yeah, but it wasn't classy.

53
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,860
Maybe we should have
a wine-tasting party.

54
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,729
I like wine.

55
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,164
I like tasting.

56
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,465
You know I can party.

57
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,833
Let's do it.
Let's rock it.

58
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:13,834
Maturity style.

59
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,538
And ever since then
she's been signing him up

60
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:18,572
for book clubs,
cooking classes...

61
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,374
All the things you do
when you know

62
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,576
where your next thousand lays
are coming from.

63
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,045
So, no, Lily and Marshall
will not be joining us.

64
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,247
Got it.

65
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,249
Anyway, Ted, part two
of my story:

66
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,583
My friend Kelly's
going to be there.

67
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,286
Kelly, who supposedly
I'm going to love.

68
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,754
Oh, you are going to love Kelly.

69
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,923
She's fun, she's smart,
she lives in the moment...

70
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:36,990
Translation: She's ugly,

71
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,827
she's ugly, she ugs
in the ugly.

72
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,829
Oh, and she's totally hot.

73
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:44,732
Okay, I guess I could take her
off your hands for an evening.

74
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,333
Hmm...

75
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,400
So do you have any other

76
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:47,568
hot, single friends?

77
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,101
No.

78
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,437
Kelly...

79
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,671
( voice trails off )

80
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,874
Oh, no, Ted, your blazer!

81
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:54,742
What, what, what?

82
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,477
Somebody spilled gorgeous
all over it.

83
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,578
Love it.

84
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:58,879
Thank you.

85
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:02,049
And his hair was perfect.

86
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:04,051
We're wearing the same shirt.

87
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:07,421
Oh, wait, no, that's just my
shirt reflected in yours.

88
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:10,758
One of the 24 similarities
between girls and fish

89
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,126
is that they're both attracted
to shiny objects.

90
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,128
You really never read
my blog, do you?

91
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,898
All right, tin man,
let's hit it.

92
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,100
All right, well, have fun at
your little disco, guys.

93
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,135
What the hell happened
to these two?

94
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:23,604
Marshall and I are
just growing up.

95
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,406
Yeah, it's going
to be sweet, too.

96
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,808
Like tonight, we're tasting
all these different wines,

97
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,244
pairing them up with these
cool gourmet cheeses.

98
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,480
Wow, who knew being in

99
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,515
a committed heterosexual
relationship

100
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,917
could make a guy so gay?

101
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,185
TED:
All right, cool kids

102
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,388
are leaving now.

103
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,823
Grandma, Grandpa,
don't wait up.

104
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,600
( techno-pop playing )

105
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,768
My, oh, my.

106
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:58,238
There are some
ferocious-looking
cutlets here tonight.

107
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,374
All right, hookup strategy.

108
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,743
Colon, find a cutlet,

109
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:03,911
lock her in early,

110
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,614
grind with her all
night till she's mine.

111
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,982
Do these strategies
ever work for you?

112
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:13,321
The question is:
Do these strategies
ever not work for me?

113
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,523
Either way, the answer is
about half the time.

114
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,360
My bitches!

115
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,128
Check this out.

116
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,597
Um, they're with me.

117
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,336
Um, we're her bitches, too.

118
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,004
We'll wait here.

119
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,141
And with today's
interest rate climate,

120
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,643
you've got to go for

121
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:36,944
the 30-year fixed mortgage.
Oh, totally.

122
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:37,911
Yeah.

123
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,448
So, Marshall,
what about you?

124
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,649
You guys thinking
house, baby?

125
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:42,683
Oh!

126
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:46,454
No, I think we're going to wait
on the baby thing.

127
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,356
I mean, I love babies.

128
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,957
Babies rule.

129
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,124
Pudgy arms and stuff...

130
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,627
But, uh, they make you old.

131
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,195
Kind of like this anchor

132
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,031
weighing you down to one spot...
forever.

133
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,233
I'm three months pregnant.

134
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:03,704
Not awkward, guys.

135
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,374
Not awkward unless
we let it be awkward.

136
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,981
This place seems great.

137
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,115
Is Kelly here?

138
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,083
Yeah, she's around
somewhere.

139
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,885
Uh, let's go find her.
I'll introduce you guys.

140
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:18,986
Then I should probably

141
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,321
duck into the V.I.P. room.

142
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,491
It's so stupid and arbitrary,
isn't it?

143
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,426
Who gets to be a V.I.P.
and who doesn't?

144
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,226
Can we come?

145
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,396
It's not that arbitrary.

146
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,966
Whoa, this place is loud.

147
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,735
You think?

148
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,070
( techno-pop playing loudly )

149
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,817
Think it was kind of weird

150
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,553
that Ted didn't invite me
out with him?

151
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,255
Why? You'd rather be
out at some dance club,

152
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,356
all noisy and sweaty,
with the...

153
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,092
( imitating drum machine )

154
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,528
Is that what you want?

155
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,063
( imitating drum machine )

156
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,197
Is this what you want?

157
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,100
"30-year fixed mortgage...

158
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,602
I'm three months pregnant."

159
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,008
That was awkward.

160
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,247
Let's start drinking!

161
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,849
Not so fast.

162
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,618
In order for the tannins
to mellow,

163
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,687
we should let it breathe
for about 30 minutes.

164
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,156
Freaking tannins.

165
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,595
( techno-pop playing )

166
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,491
Do you know what they're
doing in there right now?

167
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,660
They're watching Claire's
ultrasound video.

168
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,162
And I swear to God,
even the baby looks bored.

169
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:45,065
Come on, it's not that bad.

170
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,067
We're really starting
to click with these guys.

171
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,070
Claire and Austin just invited
us to their fondue fest

172
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,271
next Saturday night.

173
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,642
Are you honestly trying
to get me excited about fondue?

174
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:57,678
It's dipping stuff in hot
cheese. What's not to love?

175
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:02,082
Okay, that does sound good.

176
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:05,686
But it's dipping stuff in hot
cheese with boring people.

177
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,722
Marshall, it's time
for us to grow up.

178
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:12,626
Marshall knew she was right.

179
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,062
He had to stop
acting like a kid.

180
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,965
But not tonight.

181
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,834
Now, our apartment was
on the third floor,

182
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,571
so I'm not sure if this part
is actually true,

183
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,573
but Uncle Marshall
swears it happened.

184
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,845
Taxi!

185
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,852
( techno-pop playing )

186
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,291
The new album is great.

187
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,860
It's all smooth and polished,

188
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,295
not dark and heavy
like the early stuff.

189
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,032
Oh, yeah, Nora Jones just gets
better and better.

190
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,368
Please, tell me we can drink
the wine now.

191
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,737
Five more minutes.

192
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,772
We don't want to rush
those tannins.

193
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:34,908
Freaking tannins.

194
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,746
( techno-pop playing )

195
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:04,204
( music stops )
I'm wetting my pants!

196
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,206
( music resumes )

197
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,544
I think that's when I realized,
clubs weren't awesome.

198
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,546
Clubs weren't even okay.

199
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,348
Clubs sucked.

200
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:18,686
I had to get out of there.

201
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,021
Hey, Robin.

202
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:21,955
Hey.

203
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,156
Why aren't you inside?
I'm calling the owner.

204
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,892
There's a guy in there
who won't let me in

205
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,459
to the stupid V.I.P. room.

206
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,695
What are you doing here?

207
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:30,430
Oh, I had this move,
so I came here to bust it.

208
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,799
Can you get me in?

209
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,370
Great. Voice mail.

210
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,638
Thanks, I'll see you!
Bye!

211
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,741
Oh, come on,
he just got here.

212
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,810
He's probably famous.

213
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,679
Oh, yeah. Isn't there
a third Affleck brother?

214
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,815
Keith Affleck or Brian
Affleck or something?

215
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:51,384
Holy crap, we just
saw Brian Affleck.

216
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,654
It's not like I care so much

217
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,223
about getting into
the V.I.P. room,

218
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,558
I have been in tons
of V.I.P. rooms.

219
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,493
I'm not exactly a V.I.P.
room virgin.

220
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,429
But seriously, call me back.

221
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,599
Oh, um, I was just
in there, Robin Scherbatsky.

222
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,635
I'm on the list.

223
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,203
Name's already crossed off.

224
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,504
Sorry.

225
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,707
But I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

226
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:16,209
I'm a reporter for Channel One.

227
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,610
There's a channel one?

228
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:18,846
Back of the line.

229
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:23,283
Should have snuck in
with Brian Affleck.

230
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,151
Aah! Coat wench,

231
00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,887
do not uncheck
that man's jacket!

232
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,123
Sorry, just being dramatic.
You're not a coat wench.

233
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,958
No, no, no, coat wench,
I like it.

234
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,559
I should get a sign made up.

235
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,261
What are you doing here?

236
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,396
Lily let you go?

237
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,731
Lily? Who cares, right?

238
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,433
You are so dead.
Oh, I am so dead.

239
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,534
Wow, I'm going home.

240
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,069
No, uh-uh.
I put my ass

241
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,971
and probably other parts
of my body on the line

242
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,907
to come down here
and party with my bro.

243
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,408
Now, damn it,
we're going to party.

244
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,609
All right, one beer.

245
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,977
Yes!

246
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,914
Finally, I don't have to wait
a half an hour for a drink.

247
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:36,023
Oh, man, I can't believe
I forgot to tell you this.

248
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,958
This is important to the story.

249
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,027
Earlier that day,
Marshall went to the dentist

250
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,895
and got a temporary crown
put in.

251
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,496
Okay, so anyway...

252
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,252
Marshall, are you okay?

253
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,979
Again, I wasn't there, so I'm
a little foggy on the details.

254
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,416
Taxi!

255
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,157
Hey.
Hey.

256
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,793
Marshall just ditched
out on our own party.

257
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,895
Can you get me in there?

258
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,162
I kind of need to kill him.

259
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,364
Actually, I can't
even get myself in.

260
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500
I was such a dork.

261
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,035
I get recognized one time,

262
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,504
and I start thinking
I'm Julia Roberts.

263
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,072
I'm no V.I.P.

264
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,408
I'm not even an I.P.

265
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:05,545
I'm just a lowly little pea,
sitting out here in the gutter.

266
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,080
You know something?

267
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:10,884
I'd take a pea in the gutter
over Julia Roberts any day.

268
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,652
Hmm...

269
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:16,456
( giggling )

270
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,464
( dance music playing )

271
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,535
I broke my tooth!

272
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,403
( in time with music ):
Do you have...

273
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,538
...any aspirin?

274
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,307
( in time with music ):
Maybe there's...

275
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:35,943
a machine in...

276
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,378
...the restroom.

277
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:45,285
TED:
Now to this day,

278
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,320
I don't know what
happened in there,

279
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:50,357
but when Marshall came out
a few minutes later...

280
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,369
Rough night?

281
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,570
Yeah.

282
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,773
These clubs are supposed
to be fun, right?

283
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,575
Why do I hate them so much?

284
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:09,842
Because all of the stuff

285
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,912
you're supposed to like
usually sucks.

286
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:15,848
Like these clubs... or cruises.

287
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:18,451
Or New Year's Eve.

288
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,853
Or the Super Bowl.

289
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,622
Or parades.

290
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,823
The Rockettes.

291
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,458
Or parades.

292
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,994
You said that already.

293
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,761
I really hate parades.

294
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:29,929
( laughing ):
Okay.

295
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,600
He just left in the middle
of our own party!

296
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,102
You don't do that.

297
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,770
Unless, of course, you're
chasing after somebody

298
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,039
who's already done it,

299
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,674
and then... then
I think it's okay.

300
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:45,312
Well, I hate to take his side,
but come on, a wine tasting?

301
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,015
What's the big plan for next
Saturday, Scrabble night?

302
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,151
Don't check your e-mail.

303
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,220
Why are you becoming
this person?

304
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,155
I heard that in college

305
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,889
you flashed a campus
tour group on a dare.

306
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,091
Once on a dare.

307
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,560
The other times
were just for fun.

308
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:04,297
I'm not in college anymore.

309
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,100
I'd love to go back
and be that person again,

310
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:08,968
but you can't move backwards.

311
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,370
You can only go forward.

312
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:11,771
Um, false.

313
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,740
You can go
wherever you want.

314
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,276
I guess the question is,
where do you want to go?

315
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,279
I want to go into this club
and find my fiancé.

316
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,048
Well, that you can't do.

317
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,151
Want to bet?

318
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,585
Follow my lead.

319
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,988
Hey, big guy.

320
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,826
I said follow my lead.

321
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,328
Please, please.
Follow her lead.

322
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,496
Come on.
Do it, please.

323
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,665
Follow her, please.
Yes, please.

324
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,067
( gasping )

325
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:48,508
Those were the four greatest
and only breasts I've ever seen.

326
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,847
Yeah, see, if everyone
keeps telling you

327
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:57,784
something is supposed to be fun,
it's usually not.

328
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:58,785
Right!
Right.

329
00:16:58,818 --> 00:16:59,752
So, by that logic,

330
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,489
if you and I were to say,
go out on a date...

331
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,758
Well, then we
couldn't go anywhere

332
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,094
that's supposed to be fun.

333
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,129
Right. The DMV it is.

334
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,697
Then we'll get
our teeth cleaned.

335
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,831
Sounds awful. It's a date.

336
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,032
Okay!

337
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,868
But there's still
one big question

338
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,237
that needs to be answered.

339
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,839
How many of these coats
do you think

340
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,007
I can put on all at once?

341
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,176
( laughing )

342
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,878
( upbeat music blasting )

343
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,515
( no audio )

344
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:10,157
Okay, for the wedge...

345
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,461
( music pulsating )

346
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,043
TED:
Barney?

347
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,879
Ted.

348
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,681
Get your coat.
We're leaving.

349
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,816
What... what happened
to that, um...

350
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,185
cutlet you were grinding with?

351
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,786
That was my cousin Leslie.

352
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,621
What?!

353
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,122
No, no, no.

354
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,057
We're not laughing
about this, Ted.

355
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,593
This is not gonna
be some funny story

356
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,495
that we'll be telling
in a couple months.

357
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,331
It's not gonna be like,
"Hey, ha, remember that time

358
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,233
when you were
grinding with..." No.

359
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,335
And you know why?

360
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:59,306
Because-- italics--
this night did not happen.

361
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:02,074
You promise me you
will never, ever, ever

362
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:03,410
tell another living soul

363
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,977
what transpired
here tonight.

364
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:05,945
You promise.

365
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:06,913
All right.

366
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:07,747
Promise.

367
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:08,381
All right, I promise.

368
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,516
Get Marshall and go, okay?

369
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:10,417
All right.

370
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,220
Hey, thanks for
saving my night.

371
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:13,920
I'll talk to you soon?

372
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,054
Yeah.

373
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,589
Um, hey, tip her, Barney.

374
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,024
Why? I didn't
check a coat.

375
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,092
And even if I did,
on principle, tip
jars have become so...

376
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:22,495
Funny story: Barney was grinding
with this girl all night...

377
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,763
Fine!

378
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,368
That's a handy new trick.

379
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,772
( loud disco music playing )

380
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,950
TED:
So, Marshall and Lily
rediscovered their youth.

381
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,286
It was nice.

382
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:50,156
And then it got... icky.

383
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,993
* It isn't so hard to see

384
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,194
* We're in heav...

385
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:02,435
( shouting ):
I'm really glad you
guys came out tonight.

386
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,906
( shouting ):
You know, dude,
can I just say something?

387
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,943
It kind of hurt that you guys
didn't invite me out.

388
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,681
I mean, I know things have
changed since I got engaged,

389
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,116
but it would have
been nice to be asked!

390
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,419
I'm sorry! I just assumed...

391
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,289
They played some
good songs tonight!

392
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,956
I mean, lately...

393
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,659
I know, I know. It just
seems like suddenly

394
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,695
we're living
in two different worlds.

395
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,598
Maybe you've got more
in common with Barney.

396
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,399
What?

397
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,233
Are you crazy?

398
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:37,036
You think I like
going to those clubs?

399
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,507
I'd so much rather go to your
fruity little wine tasting.

400
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,342
Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf.

401
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,277
Where's my purse?
where's my purse?

402
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,778
I'm okay.

403
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:50,283
The problem is, you can't
do any of that couple stuff

404
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,218
unless you have someone
to do it with,

405
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,153
and the only way I'm gonna
find that someone

406
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,989
is by going out and doing stupid
single stuff with Barney.

407
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:57,790
What?

408
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,695
But, man, when I find her,

409
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:05,932
we're gonna have
some bad-ass wine tastings.

410
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,700
It's a plan.

411
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,538
Hey, maybe it'll be
that cute coat check girl.

412
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:12,839
Yeah!

413
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,407
Maybe it will be.

414
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,876
It wasn't.

415
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:21,514
You know, Ted, I don't say this
nearly enough, but I really...

416
00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:23,816
That place has great salads!

417
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:30,757
( techno music fades in )