1 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,185 TED: So there was this one night before I met your mother, 2 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,220 when I really wanted to go to the bar. 3 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:21,555 The bar... big surprise. 4 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,424 You sure spent a lot of time in bars. 5 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,626 TED: Well, that's just we did back then. 6 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,828 Me, Marshall and Lily, 7 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,397 Barney, 8 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:30,331 Robin-- 9 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,566 we all used to hang out at this one bar 10 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:33,734 called McClaren's. 11 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,303 But then, one night... 12 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,870 Why don't we go to McClaren's? 13 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,139 Let's go to McClaren's. 14 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,074 You guys talking to each other? 15 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,276 Nobody's listening? 16 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,377 What's wrong with McClaren's? 17 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,446 McClaren's is bore-snore. 18 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,381 Ted, tonight we're going to go out. 19 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:48,982 We're going to meet some ladies. 20 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,918 It's going to be legendary. 21 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,453 Phone five. 22 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,124 TED: I had no idea why I hung out with Barney. 23 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,892 You didn't phone five, did you? 24 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,462 I know when you don't phone five, Ted. 25 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:04,298 Come on. We always to go to McClaren's. 26 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,400 Yeah, 'cause McClaren's is fun. 27 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,303 McClaren's is this much fun. 28 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,973 What I'm offering is the chance to have... this much fun. 29 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,375 See, you say that. 30 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,277 You say it's going to be this much fun, 31 00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,746 but most of the time it ends up being this much fun. 32 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,314 This much fun is good. 33 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,015 It's safe. It's guaranteed. 34 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,184 This hand gesture thing 35 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,185 doesn't really work on the phone, does it? 36 00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:25,219 No, it doesn't. 37 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,187 ( tires squealing ) 38 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,621 Get in the cab. 39 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:28,889 Marshall, you, too. 40 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:29,957 Oh, I wish I could. 41 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,091 I think Lily and I are just going to... 42 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,626 I understand. Get in the cab. 43 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:33,827 Why can Marshall say no? 44 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,929 Uh, because he's getting laid. 45 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,465 Consistently. 46 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,500 Ted, Ted, Ted... 47 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,134 right here. 48 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,570 You keep going to the same bar. 49 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,904 You're in a rut. 50 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,206 And I am a rut-buster. 51 00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,175 I'm going to bust your rut. 52 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,509 It's not a rut, okay? 53 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,311 It's a routine, and I like it. 54 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:54,715 Ted, what's the first syllable in "rut-tine"? 55 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,491 Peace out, suckers. 56 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,429 All right, so what's this legendary plan? 57 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,364 First we've got to pick someone up at the airport. 58 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,965 Okay, I'm out of here. Estaban, doors. 59 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:12,866 ( doors locking ) 60 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,506 Okay, we just do this one little thing, 61 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,541 and the rest of the night is ours. 62 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,109 Why do you have those suitcases, 63 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,344 and who are we picking up? 64 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:24,778 I don't know. Maybe her. 65 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:25,879 Or her. 66 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,947 ( chuckles ) 67 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,217 Wait, so when you said you were going 68 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,584 to pick someone up at the airport, 69 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,020 you meant you were going to "pick someone up" 70 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,054 at the airport? 71 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,257 Scenario: 72 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,658 a couple of girls fly into town 73 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,693 looking for a fun weekend in NYC, 74 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,794 when the meet 75 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,696 two handsome international businessmen 76 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,666 just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. 77 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,700 Sample dialogue: 78 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,836 "You have a wheelie bag? 79 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,271 Well, I have a wheelie bag." 80 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,805 You've got to be kidding me. 81 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:52,940 False. 82 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,174 Sidebar... tuck in your shirt. 83 00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,543 You look sketchy. 84 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,710 I'm sketchy? 85 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:59,046 Trust me, it's going to be legendary. 86 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,814 Don't say "legendary," okay? 87 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,284 You're too liberal with the word "legendary." 88 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,118 We're building an igloo in Central Park. 89 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,720 It's going to be legendary. 90 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,256 Snowsuit up! 91 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,092 Ted, Ted, Ted... right here. 92 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,627 This is happening. 93 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,596 Now you can either put the bags on the carousel now, 94 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,864 or you can listen to me give you 95 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:17,865 a really long speech 96 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,700 convincing you to put the bags on the carousel. 97 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:20,701 Your move. 98 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,538 Ted, since the dawn of time-- 99 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,407 mankind has struggled... 100 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,344 That night, Marshall had a ton of studying to do. 101 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,246 So Lily went out with Robin-- 102 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,682 who was new to New York and looking for a friend. 103 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:38,486 I'm so glad we finally get to hang out, just the two of us. Yeah. 104 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,621 You sure you're okay giving up your Friday night 105 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,890 to hang with an old, almost married lady? 106 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:43,757 Oh, please. 107 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,793 I'm so sick of the meat market scene. 108 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,060 Guys are like the subway. 109 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,196 You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes. 110 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:52,566 Unless it's the end of the night and then you get on anything. 111 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,401 Hey-oh! 112 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:56,704 Compliments of that guy. 113 00:03:58,806 --> 00:03:59,807 Really? 114 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,775 Sweet. 115 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:02,910 Oh, for you it's $6. 116 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,747 Oh, yes, that's one drawback to being engaged. 117 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,516 I'm sure that's why he didn't... 118 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,617 Hey. 119 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,352 Oh, hello. 120 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:18,859 So, uh... did you just get in from Detroit? 121 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,631 Japan. 122 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,002 Okay, carousel 4 is tapped out. 123 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,105 Ready? Because I'm about to drop some knowledge. 124 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,443 Cute girls are not from Buffalo. 125 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,145 Time-out, 10:00. 126 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,380 You ready to rock this, Tedder? 127 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,681 All right, I think we need 128 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,483 to refine our back story first. How did we...? 129 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,017 Ted, you klutzy great guy you. 130 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,256 Hey, I'm Barney. 131 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,891 Hi. My God, are you okay? 132 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,426 I am so sorry. 133 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,294 It's fine. No, you were shaky on your landing. 134 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,796 I give you a 9.2. 135 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,030 Ooh. 136 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,031 Hi. I'm Ted. 137 00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:58,966 I'm Laura. 138 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,701 Look, I'm really sorry that we have to hit and run, 139 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,135 but we've got a plane to catch. 140 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,537 Where you headed? Philadelphia. 141 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,906 Philly? That's where we're headed. 142 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:06,674 You are? 143 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,810 Well, then we'll see you on the plane. 144 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:10,844 Yes, you will. 145 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,247 Follow them. Ticket's on me. 146 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,983 No. Barney! 147 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,719 Don't you get on that escalator! 148 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:22,390 And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator! 149 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:31,399 ( drawling ): Studying law. 150 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:37,438 * Making a responsible choice for my future * 151 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:41,542 * On Friday night * 152 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:44,311 * Being a lawyer had better be awesome. * 153 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,347 ( phone ringing ) 154 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,385 Whazzup, Ted? 155 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,786 Are you all right? 156 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,154 Yeah. 157 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,355 Hey, guess where I am. 158 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:56,990 I'm on a... ready? plane to... ready? 159 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:57,991 Philadelphia. 160 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,060 That is awesome. 161 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,261 Hey, is that Marshall? 162 00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,763 Marshall, stop whatever you're doing, 163 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,164 get in that hoopty-ass Fiero of yours 164 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,399 and come meet us in Philly. 165 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,434 It's going to be legendary. 166 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,402 Man, I wish I could, guys... 167 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,537 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 168 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,071 I sent you some pictures on my phone. Check it. 169 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,679 Philly. 170 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,981 Admit it: you're having fun. 171 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,583 This much fu... 172 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,118 35,000 feet of fun. 173 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,654 Well, I didn't think I'd be flying to Philadelphia 174 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,255 when I woke up this morning, I'll give you that. 175 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,322 Attaboy. 176 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,258 Let's go talk to those girls. 177 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,560 Whoa, whoa, the seat belt sign's on. 178 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:36,564 Ted, you've been living your whole life in a seat belt. 179 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,666 It's time to unclick. 180 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,437 Sir, the seat belt light's on. 181 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,138 Yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 182 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,109 Well, I grew up in Park Slope. 183 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,143 Oh, I love Park Slope. 184 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,378 When did you move to Manhattan? 185 00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,946 You're from Park Slope? 186 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:53,981 Uh, no, she is. 187 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,883 So where are you from? 188 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,485 Heaven? 189 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,453 Yeah, I'm a ghost. 190 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,189 I died 15 years ago, like that pickup line. 191 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,156 Hey-oh! 192 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:05,826 God, I'm so sorry. 193 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,461 Oh, believe me, I've been there. 194 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,229 I have this line that I use when guys come... 195 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,197 Check it out. 196 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,466 Hey... 197 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,602 You take this one. 198 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,505 I'll save it for the next one. 199 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,339 ( chuckles ) 200 00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,774 So what brings you guys to Philly? 201 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,109 We're visiting our boyfriends. 202 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,945 I think hers is going to propose this weekend. 203 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,446 Isn't that great? 204 00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:29,717 So great. 205 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,490 So there we were: 206 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,391 stuck on an airplane to Philadelphia 207 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,594 with two very un-single girls, 208 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,262 all thanks to your Uncle Barney. 209 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,363 Aren't they cute? 210 00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,432 They're both linebackers for the Eagles. 211 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,300 ( coughs ) Both? 212 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,269 Both of their boyfriends 213 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,971 are linebackers. 214 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,708 You're going to Philly? Why? 215 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,409 ( clearing throat ) 216 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,111 I didn't ask. 217 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,749 Well, it's sounds like you're having a lot more fun than I am. 218 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,617 I'm just talking to guys backs 219 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,185 while they hit on Robin. 220 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,354 Yeah, I bet she gets that a lot. 221 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,356 Don't you bet I get that a lot? 222 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,291 Not with a ring on your finger. 223 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,760 I mean, you know, guys see the ring, 224 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,295 it's like ka-chong, Marshall parking only. 225 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,530 Oh, of course. 226 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,898 That's it, the ring. 227 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,800 I guess I'm not used to it yet. 228 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,068 Oh, it's totally the ring. 229 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,803 If you took that ring off your finger, 230 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,338 you'd have a ton of guys crowding your junk. 231 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,707 I'm not gonna take off my ring. 232 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,041 Wouldn't you be jealous 233 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,711 of guys swarming all over my beeswax? 234 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,780 Oh, yeah, you know me-- 235 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,414 I'm the jealous type. 236 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,216 Any goon so much as looks at you, 237 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,685 I'll sock him in the kisser. 238 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,286 No. Seriously, you girls have a good time tonight. 239 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,288 Bye. 240 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:48,896 Robin! 241 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,164 Robin! 242 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,233 Hey, I'm over here. 243 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,904 * G-G-Goin' to Philly! * 244 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,438 Marshall, don't come to Philly. 245 00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,674 But we're on an adventure. 246 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,509 We're on a tarmac in Philadelphia. 247 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,444 Crazy... adventure. 248 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,814 Fine. 249 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,650 No! No! 250 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,218 The night has just started. 251 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,720 Look, airport bar. 252 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,154 Flight attendants. 253 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,456 They'll get your tray table in its full upright position. 254 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,125 Say what?! 255 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,461 Passengers Mosby and Stenson, please come with us, gentlemen. 256 00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,263 Keep your hands where I can see them. 257 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,432 Barney, I am going to kill you. 258 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,900 Don't say you're gonna kill someone 259 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,636 in front of airport security. 260 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,004 Not cool, not cool. 261 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,708 This is an outrage! 262 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,844 We are international businessmen 263 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,579 on very important international business trip. 264 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,915 I demand you release us immediately! 265 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,784 You demand?! No, no, no, no, no. 266 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:44,918 He does not demand. 267 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,286 We-We-We-We have no demands. 268 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,421 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to remain calm. 269 00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:49,522 Okay. Yeah, I'm calm. 270 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,458 I'm totally calm. 271 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,126 We've got footage of you placing two bags 272 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,128 on JFK carousel 3, 273 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,596 and abandoning them 274 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:59,466 to purchase a last-minute flight with cash. 275 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,234 Those bags were your responsibility. 276 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,269 They were your bags! 277 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,136 Sir, please. 278 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,537 We're assessing 279 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,573 the bag situation. 280 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,842 ( crackling whirring ) 281 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,578 Look, this is all just... 282 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,946 It's a misunderstanding. 283 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,848 Please. 284 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,317 We are international businessmen. 285 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,420 My colleague accidentally left the bags there. 286 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,055 Now, please let us go 287 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,558 before we miss our international business meeting. 288 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,761 Can't remember the last time 289 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,362 I saw an international businessman 290 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,831 with an untucked shirt. 291 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,333 In addition, we received 292 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,970 this footage taken over the last few months. 293 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,565 Believe it or not, that duffel bag thing worked. 294 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,235 The truth is, my friend-- 295 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,537 he does this thing where he goes to airports 296 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,239 with fake luggage to pick up girls, 297 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,241 and we followed some here to Philadelphia. 298 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,343 That-That-That's it. That's all this is. 299 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,212 Nobody's that lame. 300 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,348 Yes, he's that lame. 301 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,316 Tell him you're that lame. 302 00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,087 We are international businessmen. 303 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,421 Oh, come on! 304 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,290 Sir, lower your voice, or I will 305 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,358 restrain you. 306 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,961 Dude, seriously, relax. 307 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,029 We at least get to call our lawyer. 308 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,331 Exactly! 309 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,399 We have a lawyer? 310 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,736 Listen to me-- you're both American citizens. 311 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,772 Don't let him pull any Patriot Act voodoo. 312 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,073 You both retain the right 313 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,640 to refuse to answer any questions 314 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,909 without an attorney present, 315 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,178 so don't say anything until I get there, all right? 316 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,445 Okay. Good-bye. 317 00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:53,847 * Philly! * 318 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,383 * The adventure continues * 319 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,986 * Destroy! * 320 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,558 It's ridiculous in here. 321 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,527 Why don't we go somewhere else? 322 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:10,798 No, this place is great. 323 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,467 What are you doing? 324 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,103 What? 325 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,704 With your lips and everything? 326 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,373 My lips are always like this. 327 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,820 You had to play the race card. 328 00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,754 Oh, relax, Ted. 329 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,056 We didn't do anything wrong. 330 00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,826 And, B.T.W., we'd be out of here by now 331 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,228 if you had tucked in your shirt. 332 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,162 Go ahead, JFK. 333 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,696 What is the baggage status? 334 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,032 They're clean. 335 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,234 It's just a whole bunch of condoms. 336 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,969 And a PowerBar. 337 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,005 You're free to go. 338 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:54,875 TED: Don't come to Philly. 339 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,076 Man, I'm almost halfway there. 340 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,410 Yeah, we just got released 341 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,546 and we're heading back on the next flight. 342 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,747 Uh, meet us at McClaren's. 343 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,415 Maybe we can still make last call. 344 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,650 Can't we just, just... 345 00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,352 No, we can't just. We're going home. 346 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,954 We're going to Sasha's. 347 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,688 Who the hell is Sasha? 348 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,290 Sasha. 349 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,060 She's having friends over for drinks at her house. 350 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,395 It's gonna be legen... wait for it-- 351 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,330 and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant 352 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,499 'cause the second half of that word is... dary! 353 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:20,600 No. 354 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,668 Legendary. 355 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,670 Legendary. That sounds awesome. 356 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,072 No, Marshall, we're going back. 357 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,740 Fine. Hold on. I have another call. 358 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,708 ( beep ) 359 00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:29,877 Hello? 360 00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,378 Marshall, we're going to Sasha's. 361 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:32,779 No, we're not. 362 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,614 Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. 363 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,648 Yes, we are. 364 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:36,716 ( beep ) 365 00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,219 Sorry, buddy-- two against one. 366 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,855 Ooh, look, a booth opened up. 367 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,523 Really? 368 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,624 Yeah, I thought we could 369 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,525 finally go talk... and you're not 370 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,727 listening to me, so I'm going to walk away. 371 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:48,996 Yeah, yeah, booth. 372 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,601 Hey. 373 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,602 Hey. 374 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,470 I'm engaged. 375 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,371 Yeah, I'm sorry. 376 00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,706 I took my ring off. 377 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,074 It's very, very sweet of you 378 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,643 to come over and talk to me, but I just... 379 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,078 Yeah, I'm gay. 380 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,546 I just came over to let you know 381 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,281 that you sat on a grape. 382 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:13,020 Oh, damn it. 383 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,092 TED: So Barney and I hit the town. 384 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,760 Philadelphia, PA. 385 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,696 Our first and only stop: Sasha's party. 386 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,333 ( TV blaring ) 387 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,702 So, uh... 388 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,338 you're Sasha's friends, huh? 389 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,206 You know it. 390 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,876 ( whispering ): You guys, keep the volume down. 391 00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,979 You're gonna wake my grandpa. 392 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,316 Who wants hard lemonade? 393 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,992 Philly! 394 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:55,628 Shh! ( softly ): Philly. 395 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,902 Back at the bar, girls' night out 396 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,237 wasn't going as Robin had hoped. 397 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,673 ( cell phone ringing ) 398 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,544 Lily's phone. 399 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,446 Robin, uh, where's Lily? 400 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,148 She's, uh... 401 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,850 Is she talking to some hot guy? 402 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,252 Oh, you can tell me. 403 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,920 It's totally cool. It was my idea. 404 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,922 Hell, I told her she could take the ring off. 405 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,057 Really? 406 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,492 Well, I thought it was kind of weird, 407 00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,327 but if you're cool with it, yeah, uh, it's off, 408 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,661 and she's talking to some guy. 409 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:29,997 Do you want me to go over and... 410 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,531 No, don't interrupt. 411 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,233 It's awesome. 412 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,069 So, the ring's really off, huh? 413 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,339 It's awesome. 414 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,841 Well, just tell her I called. 415 00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:46,313 And tell her that she is... awesome. 416 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,454 * Really, really awesome * 417 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:59,626 ( weakly ): * Our relationship is built on mutual trust * 418 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,996 I can't breathe. 419 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,031 ( laughing ) 420 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,198 You hear that, Ted? 421 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,600 Dana works security at the Liberty Bell. 422 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,036 I do okay. 423 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,538 Wow, it must be really well cordoned off over there. 424 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,074 Do you ever go behind the rope and touch it? 425 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,009 Only all the time. 426 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,211 You ever, like, stick your head inside it? 427 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,779 Yeah. 428 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,681 You ever lick it? 429 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,950 Nope. 430 00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,685 I have never licked it. 431 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,320 Hmm. 432 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:31,124 I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell. 433 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,027 If someone were to pull that off, 434 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:37,564 I dare say it would be... what's the word? 435 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:38,998 Well, this is my stop. 436 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,133 Legendary. 437 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,401 Ted, legendary. 438 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,103 Barney, I'm going to the airport. 439 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,371 Sasha, thank you, and, uh, 440 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:45,405 tell your grandpa I'm sorry 441 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:46,639 I walked in on him in the bathroom. 442 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,744 I'll get some club soda for that stain. 443 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,816 Lily, I thought tonight was about us hanging out. 444 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:57,884 What are you doing? 445 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:02,155 Just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy. 446 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,790 Dude, I think that guy is gay. 447 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,658 Oh, I know that guy is gay. 448 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,928 It's just, Marshall and I have been together for nine years. 449 00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:11,131 I haven't been single since high school. 450 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,565 You want to be single? 451 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,001 You want to fight off loser guys all night? 452 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,536 Does that seem like fun to you? 453 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,272 I guess I just wanted to throw this net back into the ocean 454 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,774 and see how many fish I could catch. 455 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,576 So far, one. 456 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,778 One gay dolphin. 457 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,046 And Marshall. 458 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,182 Lily, all these girls here tonight 459 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,017 are all hoping to catch what you've already got. 460 00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:34,121 You're right. I know. 461 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,456 Hey, do you want to go get coffee 462 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,358 and have an actual conversation? 463 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,694 If by "coffee" you mean "cheesecake," then yes. 464 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,030 Hey, I got that club soda. 465 00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,398 Let's see that booty. 466 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,667 Oh, thank you so much. 467 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,140 You want to mess, pal? 468 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,775 That's my fiancée's hot backside that you're dabbing. 469 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,310 Marshall, no. 470 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,479 Baby, please, don't ever take that ring off again, 471 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,581 no matter how awesome I say that it is. 472 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,350 It's okay, man... Back off, hombre! 473 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,017 I'm not that afraid to fight you. 474 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,018 You want to test 475 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,655 this guy, be my guest, come on. 476 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,290 Marshall, he's gay. 477 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:13,193 Oh, thank God. I've never been in a fight before. 478 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,194 You don't say. 479 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,296 TED: So, it turned out 480 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,531 Uncle Marshall really was the jealous type. 481 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,333 Unfortunately, that guy's boyfriend-- 482 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,735 also the jealous type. 483 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,538 Hey! 484 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,915 Could have licked the Liberty Bell. 485 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,985 We're going to the airport. 486 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,654 Bong... 487 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:45,124 bong... bo... 488 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,160 Why do I hang out with you? Why? 489 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,296 All I wanted was to have a regular beer 490 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,331 at my regular bar with my regular friends 491 00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,899 in my regular city. 492 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,867 Ted, Ted, Ted. 493 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,803 You're not even looking. 494 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,705 No, I'm not. 495 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:03,410 Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness, okay? 496 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,078 Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. 497 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,747 Now, if you want, 498 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,149 you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, 499 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,551 talk to the same people every day, 500 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,554 or you can lick the Liberty Bell. 501 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:20,227 You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it. 502 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,563 That was beautiful, man. 503 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,299 Thanks, Leonard. 504 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:29,302 Ted, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson here. 505 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,904 Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay? 506 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,105 I know how to live. 507 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,041 If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell, 508 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,175 just go lick it yourself. 509 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,278 No, it has to be the two of us. 510 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,746 Why? Why do you need me? 511 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,548 Because you're my best friend, all right? 512 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,016 You don't have to tell me I'm yours, 513 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,253 but the way I see it, we're a team. 514 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:49,055 Without you, I'm... 515 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,991 I'm just the Dynamic Uno. 516 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:55,662 So, fine, if you want to go home, 517 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:58,731 then we'll go home. 518 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,733 ( sighs ) 519 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,436 Fine. 520 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,838 We'll go lick the Liberty Bell. 521 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,307 Good 'cause we're here. 522 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,910 I had no idea how Barney 523 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,179 redirected the cab without me knowing, 524 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,515 but we got out, Dana let us in, 525 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,517 and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell. 526 00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,985 You know what it tastes like? 527 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:19,919 What? 528 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:22,755 Freedom. 529 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,892 No, actually, it tastes like pennies. 530 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,159 Oh, my God. 531 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,028 Did you guys really do that? 532 00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,563 We really did. 533 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,800 And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. 534 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,269 I never got where I thought I wanted to go, 535 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,605 but I always got a great story. 536 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,710 So, that girl you were talking to-- 537 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:44,777 that was Mom? 538 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,546 Kids, every story in a man's life 539 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,981 is like a dot in an Impressionist painting... 540 00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,417 So that's a no? 541 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:53,185 Yeah, that's a no. 542 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,854 ( kids sighing ) What?! Come on...!