1 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,416 TED: Okay, where was I? 2 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,151 You were telling us how you met Mom. 3 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,452 In excruciating detail. 4 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,587 Right. 5 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:20,654 So, back in 2005, 6 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,291 when I was 27, 7 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,858 my two best friends got engaged, 8 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,361 and it got me thinking, maybe I should get married. 9 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,663 And then I saw Robin. 10 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,865 She was incredible. 11 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,934 I just knew I had to meet her. 12 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,170 That's where your Uncle Barney came in. 13 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,605 I suggest we play a little game I like to call 14 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:38,906 "Have you met Ted?" 15 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,608 Wait, no, no, no. We're not playing "Have you met Ted?" 16 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,210 Hi. Have you met Ted? 17 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,878 So I asked her out. 18 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,247 And I know this sounds crazy, 19 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,582 but after just one date, I was in love with her 20 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:51,018 which made me say something stupid. 21 00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,586 I think I'm in love with you. 22 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,654 What?! 23 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,089 Oh, Dad. 24 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,957 So then what happened? 25 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,426 Nothing. 26 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,761 I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself. 27 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:04,465 So, a week went by, and I decided not to call her. 28 00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,400 So you're not gonna call her? 29 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:07,935 You went from, "I think I'm in love with you" 30 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,237 to "I'm not gonna call her"? 31 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,704 I wasn't in love with her, okay? 32 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,006 I was briefly in love with the abstract concept 33 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,108 of getting married. 34 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,876 It had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. 35 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,411 Robin. 36 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,179 Hi. 37 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,513 Look who I ran into. 38 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,081 Since when do you guys know each other? 39 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,284 Oh, since about... here. 40 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,652 Lily recognized me 41 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:25,919 from the news and... 42 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,821 Hello, sailor! 43 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,089 They just got engaged. 44 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:33,594 Well, I should get back to the station. 45 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,063 See you, guys. 46 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,398 Nice seeing you, Ted. 47 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:38,566 Yeah, you, too. Thanks. 48 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,802 What? Damn it! 49 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,537 I'm in love with her. 50 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,505 No! 51 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:47,141 As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. 52 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,676 You blew it, it's over, move on. 53 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,478 I don't know, I just have this feeling 54 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,180 she's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 55 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:53,381 ( Lily squeaks ) 56 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,450 Lily, you squeaked? 57 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,985 She said something about me, didn't she? 58 00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,553 Come on, spill it, Red! 59 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,921 Fine. 60 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,123 So, what do we think of Ted? 61 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,225 ( laughs ) 62 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,394 Ted's something else. 63 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,328 Huh. 64 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,230 I'm gonna spin that as good. 65 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:12,166 Lots of guys are something, I'm something else. 66 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,501 Comes on a little strong. 67 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,170 But, that's part of my charm. 68 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,239 But, that's part of his charm. 69 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,274 Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, 70 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,575 he's just looking for something 71 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,611 a little bit more serious than I am. 72 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,380 I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual. 73 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,782 This just stays between us, right? 74 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:29,950 Are you kidding? 75 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,853 This flapper? Fort Knox. 76 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,788 Oops. 77 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,156 She wants casual. 78 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,592 Okay, I'll be casual. 79 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,995 I'm going to be a mushroom cloud of casual. 80 00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,063 You know why? 81 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,898 Cause it's a game-- I want her to skip 82 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,335 to the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing. 83 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,670 But you don't get there unless you play the game. 84 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,138 So, are you going to ask her out? 85 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,240 Yeah... No! 86 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,374 I can't ask her out, 87 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:56,043 because if I ask her out, I'm asking her out. 88 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,278 So, how do I 89 00:02:57,345 --> 00:03:00,248 ask her out without asking her out? 90 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,619 Did you guys get high? 91 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,020 I got it. 92 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,556 I don't ask her out. 93 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,057 I invite her 94 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,159 to our party next Friday. 95 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,761 We're having a party next Friday? 96 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,729 We are now. Casual. 97 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,130 Yeah, cause nothing says "casual" 98 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,067 like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl. 99 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,536 Oh, and Lily, that's my leg. 100 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,640 You waited five minutes to tell me that? 101 00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:29,243 All right, so call her up. 102 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,611 No, calling's not casual. 103 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,646 I just got to bump into her somewhere. 104 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,282 Now, if only I knew her schedule, 105 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,517 I could arrange a chance encounter. 106 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,920 That's great, Ted-- you'll be the most casual stalker ever. 107 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,324 Now, ever since Marshall 108 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,526 put that ring on her finger, Lily had been, 109 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:49,297 well, extra affectionate. 110 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,931 ( chuckling ): Baby, no. 111 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:54,335 I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday. 112 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:55,903 I barely started. 113 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:59,773 Hey, I'm just sitting here, wearing my ring, 114 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,075 my beautiful ring. 115 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,711 ( typing ) 116 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:07,047 Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. 117 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,816 Like my shirt. 118 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,119 Kind of don't want to wear my shirt anymore. 119 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,821 Or... 120 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,356 my underwear. 121 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,492 That's right, I'm not wearing any. 122 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,828 ( sighs ) 123 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,162 No underwear? 124 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,397 Not even slightly. 125 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,865 TED: Guys. 126 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:29,337 Boundaries. 127 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,538 There she is. 128 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,705 ROBIN ( on TV ): Thanks, Bill. 129 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,541 I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket 130 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,009 on 75th and Columbus... 131 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,279 75th and Columbus. 132 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,482 Game on! 133 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,417 ...where four-year-old Leroy Ellenberg has climbed 134 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:46,820 inside a grab-a-prize machine and gotten stuck. 135 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:50,123 ( panting ) 136 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,193 And, all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe. 137 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,330 For Metro News 1, I'm Robin Trubotsky. 138 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,332 ENGINEER: We're clear. 139 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,200 ROBIN: Thanks, Don. Whew. 140 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,335 Ted. 141 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,236 Robin, wow! 142 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,038 What are the odds? 143 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,006 What are you doing here? 144 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:09,176 Oh, you know, just, uh, shopping for, uh, dip. 145 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,144 I love dip. 146 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,080 I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip... 147 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,014 as a friend, you know. 148 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,716 ( chuckles ) So, uh, hey, you, uh, 149 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,317 reporting a news story or something? 150 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,420 Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine. 151 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,755 How sweet of you to call it news. Wow. 152 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,791 Kid in a crane machine. Mm-hmm. 153 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,959 You just had to have that toy, didn't you? 154 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,828 Couldn't play the game like everyone else. 155 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,797 You're all sweaty! 156 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:30,898 Cute kid. 157 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,400 Um, you know, 158 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,867 it's so funny I should run into you. 159 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,436 We're, uh, we're having a party next Friday, 160 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,504 if you feel like swinging by. 161 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,139 But, you know, whatever. 162 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,541 Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. 163 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,342 It's too bad it's not tonight. 164 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,144 It is... it's tonight. 165 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,046 This Friday. Did I say next Friday? 166 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,314 Sorry, I guess 167 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,849 I've been saying next Friday all week. 168 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,951 But, yeah, it's tonight, the, uh, the party's tonight. 169 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:54,187 But, you know, whatever. 170 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:58,325 ( phone rings ) 171 00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,527 Hello? 172 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,429 Hey, am I interrupting anything? 173 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,296 No, no, I'm just writing my paper. 174 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,698 Hitting the books. 175 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,700 Yeah, well, you and Lily 176 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,469 might want to put some clothes on. 177 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,003 We're throwing a party in two hours. 178 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,371 Okay, bye. 179 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:18,579 So, Gatsby, 180 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,080 what are you gonna do when Robin shows up? 181 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,783 Okay, I got it all planned out. 182 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,953 She steps through the door-- and where's Ted? 183 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,821 Not eagerly waiting by the door. 184 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,223 No, I'm across the room at my drafting table, 185 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,928 showing some foxy young thing all my cool architect stuff. 186 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,198 So, Robin strolls over, and I casually give her one of these: 187 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:41,201 "Hey, what's up?" 188 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:45,573 She says, "Hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera." 189 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,941 And then, I say, "Well, make yourself at home." 190 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,010 And, I casually return to my conversation. 191 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:54,014 Then, an hour later... 192 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,316 "Oh, you're still here?" 193 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,285 I say, like I don't really care, 194 00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,953 but it's a nice surprise. 195 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,490 And then, very casually: 196 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,858 "Want to see the roof?" 197 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,261 BOTH: The roof! Get her up to the roof, 198 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,263 and the roof takes care of the rest. 199 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,065 What's so special about the roof? 200 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,802 Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. 201 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,606 You can't not fall in love on that roof. 202 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,341 We do it up there, sometimes. 203 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,143 Solid plan, my little friend. 204 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,077 We're the same height. 205 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,881 But, may I suggest one little modification. 206 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,817 BARNEY: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, 207 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,819 take her up to the roof and have sex with her. 208 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,621 Crazy monkey style... That's not the plan. 209 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,288 BARNEY: Well, it should be the plan. 210 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,490 I mean, look at her. 211 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,091 Ted, look at her. She's smoking! 212 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,392 Thank you! Yeah... 213 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,995 But, she's not Robin! 214 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,063 Exactly! 215 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,732 Ted, let's rap. 216 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,534 Statistic: At every New York party, 217 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,301 there's always a girl who has no idea 218 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,670 whose party she's at. 219 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:50,904 She knows no one you know, 220 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,606 and you will never see her again. 221 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:57,410 Do you see where I'm going with this? 222 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,512 Barney, I don't think so. ( groans ) 223 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,213 Scoping. 224 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,281 ( imitates sonar beeping ) 225 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,415 Scoping. 226 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,917 Man, you're a dork. 227 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,252 ( accelerates beeping sound ) 228 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,554 Target acquired! 229 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,188 Now it's time we play a little game 230 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,324 I like to call "Have you met Ted?" Oh, come on, not this. 231 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,360 Hi. Have you met Ted? No. 232 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,361 Hi. Hi. 233 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:15,462 Do you know Marshall? Lily? 234 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,864 WOMAN: No. 235 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,599 Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party? 236 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,300 I work with Carlos. 237 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,569 Excuse me. 238 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,836 Anyone know a Carlos? 239 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,304 No. No. 240 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,939 On a silver platter. 241 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,075 Bon appétit. 242 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,276 I don't think so. 243 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,478 Your loss, her gain. 244 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,546 Excuse me. 245 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,781 Can I show you the roof? 246 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,448 It's magical up there. 247 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,584 Sure. TED: Wait, wait. 248 00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,751 Hey, hey, I got that roof reserved. 249 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,752 Dude, Robin's not coming. 250 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:42,222 Hey, she's going to show up! 251 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,593 She'll show up. 252 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,261 TED: She didn't show up. 253 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:51,064 At least it was a great party. 254 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,901 I ate, like, four whole cans of dip. 255 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,403 You always know what to say, old friend. 256 00:08:56,469 --> 00:09:00,240 ( phone ringing ) 257 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,575 It's Robin. 258 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,743 Answer it. 259 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,612 No, no, not right away-- got to seem casual. 260 00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,513 ( ringing continues ) 261 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,048 Hello? 262 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,217 I'm so sorry I missed your party. 263 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,285 Who is this? Meredith? 264 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,353 Robin. 265 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,722 Oh, Robin! 266 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:18,458 Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess you never showed up, did you? 267 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:19,893 No, I got stuck at work. 268 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,429 But, they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. 269 00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:23,997 Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? 270 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,233 Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. 271 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,835 He was in there a long time, 272 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,870 and little kids have small bladders. 273 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,504 ( chuckles ) ROBIN: I wish your party 274 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,740 was tonight. 275 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,276 It is-- the party's tonight. 276 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,445 Yeah, uh... 277 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,848 it's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll. 278 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,452 Uh, so, if you want to swing by, you know, it's casual. 279 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,821 See ya. 280 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,425 So, that was Robin. What are you 281 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:53,493 doing to me, man?! 282 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,328 I got a paper to write! I know! Sorry! 283 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,664 It's terrible! 284 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,532 I'll buy more dip! Ted! Ted, wait! 285 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,703 Get French onion! 286 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:06,807 Can you believe this guy? 287 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,608 I got a paper to write. 288 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,511 Okay, fine. 289 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,413 But, it's got to be, like, super-quick, 290 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,748 and no cuddling after. 291 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,085 I'm the luckiest girl alive. 292 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,493 You were so right about the roof! 293 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:27,695 The roof! 294 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,998 The roof is on fire, Ted! 295 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,499 That girl from last night-- 296 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,867 I took her back to my place, 297 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,235 then this morning, took her outside, 298 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,137 spun her around a couple times and sent her walking. 299 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,873 She will never find her way back, and there she is. 300 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,710 How did she get here? Did you invite her? 301 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,844 I have no idea who that is. 302 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,578 She said she works with Carlos. Who's Carlos? 303 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,613 I don't know any Carlos. 304 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:47,681 ( frustrated groan ) 305 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,149 Hi, you! 306 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,417 You're back! 307 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,551 I sure am. 308 00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,620 Mmm. 309 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,756 Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. 310 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,624 "Sweetie"? Really? 311 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,727 ( barely audible ): Help. 312 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,095 Whoa! Whoa, rabbits! 313 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,530 Come on, 314 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:04,698 I got that roof reserved. 315 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,499 All right. 316 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:10,603 So, it's over between me and works-with-Carlos girl. 317 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,905 Whoa! That was fast. 318 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,440 Yeah. I was trying to think, 319 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,010 what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? 320 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,012 I think I'm in love with you. 321 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,447 What?! 322 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,283 Thanks, bro. Glad I could help. 323 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,686 What the... No, no, no. Come on. 324 00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,889 Sorry, Ted. 325 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,460 Great. What am I going to do when Robin shows up? 326 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,862 She'll show up. 327 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,563 She didn't show up. 328 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,331 All right. 329 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,599 We threw two parties. 330 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,134 Everybody had fun. 331 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,105 Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. 332 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,074 Now, the kid has got to get to work, 333 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,575 and the kid is not to be disturbed. 334 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:49,810 Repeat after me. 335 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,245 I will not have sex with Marshall. 336 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:55,615 BOTH: I will not have sex with Marshall. 337 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,185 ( phone ringing ) 338 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:01,154 It's Robin. 339 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,289 Hello? 340 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,057 Hi, Ted. Amanda? 341 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,158 Oh, Denise! 342 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,394 Sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda. 343 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,161 It's Robin. 344 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,662 Oh, Robin. 345 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,764 Hi. 346 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,632 I totally wanted to come. 347 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:13,767 I got stuck at work again. 348 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,135 I feel like I live there. 349 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,237 I'm sorry I missed your party, again. 350 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,507 Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, mamacita. 351 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,909 Who am I? 352 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,444 I guess there's no chance your two-dayer 353 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,779 turned into a three-dayer? 354 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,680 It did, indeed. 355 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,216 The party continues tonight. 356 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,683 Yeah. 357 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,886 Uh, last night, people were like, "Keep it going, bro. 358 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,587 Party trifecta." 359 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:35,655 Wow! 360 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,224 Okay, well, I'll be there. 361 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,325 Great! 362 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,359 See you tonight. 363 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,363 So, that was Robin. 364 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:48,401 So, I threw a third party for Robin... 365 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,570 on a Sunday night. 366 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,940 Well, this is lame. 367 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,475 Lame... or casual? 368 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,776 Lame. 369 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,979 Or casual? 370 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,681 Hey, law books. 371 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:04,117 Ready for a little 15 minute recess? 372 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,552 Sorry, baby, I got to work. 373 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,988 I need all my blood up here. 374 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,891 Has anybody seen An Introduction to Contract Tort 375 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:14,127 and Restitution Statutes from 1865-1923? 376 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,164 Anybody seen a big-ass book? 377 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,999 ALL ( muttering ): No. 378 00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:21,568 WOMAN: Hello, Barney. 379 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,303 Of course. 380 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,140 You look well. 381 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,042 Is it weird they invited both of us? 382 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,811 Who? 383 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,513 Who invited you? 384 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,016 No one even knows who you are! 385 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:41,188 I understand you're hurt, but you don't have to be cruel. 386 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,290 Carlos was right about you. 387 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,226 Who is Carlos?! 388 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,129 Hey, where the hell is my...? 389 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,463 Oh...! 390 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,168 Okay... 391 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,204 An Introduction to Contract Tort 392 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:01,641 and Restitution Statutes from 1865-1923 393 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,410 is not a coaster! 394 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,679 Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, 395 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:10,350 not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met 396 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,019 who's probably not even going to show up! 397 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,653 I mean, where is she, Ted, huh? 398 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,455 Where's Robin? 399 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,758 Hi. 400 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,060 Hi, Robin. 401 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,595 Wow. 402 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,671 So, you threw all these parties for me? 403 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:32,906 No. 404 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,707 Oh, you thought that... no! 405 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,209 I... okay, yes. 406 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,310 You got me. 407 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,379 One of the reasons I threw these parties 408 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,514 was so that I could introduce you 409 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,717 to, um, this guy. 410 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,119 Uh, I figured, you know, 411 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,420 since it didn't work out between us 412 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,122 and now we can just laugh about it... 413 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,958 ( laughs weakly ) 414 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,492 Anyway, Robin, this is... 415 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,327 Carlos. 416 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,496 Oh! Oh! 417 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,971 She's still talking to Carlos. 418 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:05,939 I can still win this. 419 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,307 I-it's not over. 420 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,241 Okay, buddy. 421 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,642 Time for the tough talk. 422 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,946 Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts. 423 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,381 You want to get married. 424 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,282 And right now, 425 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,816 there's a million women in New York 426 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,718 looking for exactly you. 427 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,253 But Robin ain't one of them. 428 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,621 She's not just one of them. 429 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:22,755 She's the one. 430 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:26,093 Yeah, well, the one is heading up to the roof. 431 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,263 What are you going to do? 432 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,698 Nothing. 433 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,899 It's a game. 434 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,536 I got to just keep playing it. 435 00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,579 ( rock music playing ) 436 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,209 Ted... 437 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,878 Hey, Carlos, can you give us a minute? 438 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,247 Hey, no sweat, hombre. 439 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,215 See ya. 440 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,919 Robin... 441 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,788 look, I didn't throw this party 442 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:29,989 to set you up with Carlos, 443 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,592 or the one before that, or the one before that. 444 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,796 I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. 445 00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,632 Well, here I am. 446 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,936 There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. 447 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,073 You're not crazy. 448 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,142 I don't know, Ted. 449 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,611 I mean, we barely know each other 450 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,646 and you're looking at me with that look. 451 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:54,781 And, it's like... 452 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:55,982 Like, like what? 453 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,618 Like, "Let's fall in love and get married 454 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,388 and have kids and drive them to soccer practice." 455 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,655 I'm not going to force sports on them 456 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,191 unless they're interested. 457 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,192 ( laughing ) 458 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,194 It's a great look. 459 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,795 But you're looking at the wrong girl. 460 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,662 No, I'm not. 461 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,697 Yes, you are. 462 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,800 I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. 463 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,135 And, if we got together, 464 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,404 I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you 465 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,306 or break your heart, and... 466 00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,743 I just couldn't do either of those things. 467 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,513 Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. 468 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:30,817 Click. 469 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,419 Off. Let's make out. 470 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,787 What? 471 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,789 What? That was the off switch. 472 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,125 And I turned it off. 473 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,527 I mean, look, sure, yes, 474 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,995 I want to fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah. 475 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,098 But, on the other hand... 476 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:49,769 you, me, the roof. 477 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,305 There's no off switch. 478 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,208 There is an off switch. 479 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,776 And it's off. 480 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,512 No, it's not. 481 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,481 Yes, it is. 482 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:02,549 No, it's not. 483 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,552 Yes... it is. 484 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,034 No, it's not. 485 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,102 You're right. 486 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:26,339 There's no off switch. 487 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,142 God, I wish there was an off switch! 488 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,544 Me, too. 489 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,616 ( both laughing ) 490 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,517 So, um... 491 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:38,885 ( both muttering nervously ) 492 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,721 What do we do now? 493 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,357 We could be friends. 494 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,826 Oh... 495 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,195 Look, 496 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,231 I know it sounds insincere when people say that, 497 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,033 but... we could. 498 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,269 I don't know, Robin. 499 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,804 I've made such a jackass of myself here. 500 00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,872 We start hanging out, every time I see you 501 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,208 it'll be like, "Oh, that's right. 502 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,842 I'm a jackass." 503 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,143 You're not a jackass. 504 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,712 Look, I'm sorry. 505 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,815 I only moved here in April and I'm always working 506 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,619 and I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. 507 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:17,123 But I understand. 508 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:21,194 Well, uh, maybe in a few months, 509 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,495 after it's not so fresh, 510 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:26,399 we could all, uh, you know, get a beer. 511 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,668 Yeah. 512 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,370 That sounds good. 513 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,706 I'll see you, Ted. 514 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,513 Or, you know, now. 515 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:47,186 We could all get a beer now. 516 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:50,790 I'd like that. 517 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,295 My friends are going to love you... 518 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,664 like you, you know, as a friend. 519 00:19:58,998 --> 00:19:59,932 Jackass. 520 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,003 Unbelievable. 521 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,205 That's just a recipe 522 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:07,974 for disaster. They work together! 523 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:08,941 Are you jealous? 524 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,076 Oh, please. 525 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,679 What does Carlos have that I don't? 526 00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:13,746 A date tonight. 527 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:14,514 ALL: Oh! 528 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,815 Stop the tape. Rewind. 529 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:16,983 Play it again. 530 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,285 ( imitates tape rewinding ) A date tonight. 531 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,886 ALL: Oh! 532 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,288 I'm not sure I like her. 533 00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:23,523 Hey, don't you have a paper to write? 534 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,825 Dude, you're talking to the kid. 535 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,626 I know it. 536 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,194 I'm going to knock back this beer. 537 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,996 I'm going to knock back one more beer. 538 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,063 I'm going to go home. 539 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,799 I'm going to write a 25-page paper. 540 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,535 I'm going to hand it in and I'm going to get an "A." 541 00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:38,405 My name is Rufus and that's the trufus. 542 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,506 ( laughter ) 543 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:40,740 TED: He got a B-minus. 544 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,276 But still, 25 pages in one night, B-minus? 545 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,378 The kid was good. 546 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,746 At least let me buy you a beer. 547 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:47,547 Come on, 548 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:48,848 I'll buy everyone a beer. 549 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,318 I'll help carry. 550 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,656 You know something, Ted? What? 551 00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:57,557 You are a catch. 552 00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:00,593 You're going to make some girl very happy. 553 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,129 And I am going to help you find her. 554 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,665 Well, good luck. 555 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,800 I mean, maybe New York's just too big a town. 556 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,936 I mean, there's millions of people in this city. 557 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,304 How, in all this mess, 558 00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,473 is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? 559 00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,475 I mean, where do you even begin? 560 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:18,945 Hi. 561 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,547 Have you met Ted? 562 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,353 ( music rises over dialogue )