1 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,839 MAN: Kids, I'm gonna tell you 2 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:06,940 an incredible story; 3 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,576 the story of how 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,278 I met your mother. 5 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,612 Are we being punished for something? 6 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:12,546 No. 7 00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,415 Yeah, is this gonna take a while? 8 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,352 Yes. 25 years ago, before I was Dad, 9 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,488 I had this whole other life. 10 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,494 It was way back in 2005. 11 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,463 I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect 12 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:30,731 and living in New York with Marshall, 13 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,300 my best friend from college. 14 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,767 My life was good. 15 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,004 And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up. 16 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,473 Will you marry me? 17 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,175 Yes. 18 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:42,976 Perfect! And then you're engaged. 19 00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,912 You pop the champagne. You drink a toast. 20 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,614 You have sex on the kitchen floor. 21 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,948 Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. 22 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,083 Got it. 23 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,851 Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted. 24 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,852 Dude, are you kidding? 25 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,053 It's you and Lilly. 26 00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,988 I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lilly: 27 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,590 night you met, 28 00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,594 your first date, other first things. 29 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:01,295 Yeah, sorry. 30 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,264 We thought you were asleep. 31 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,698 It's physics, Marshall. 32 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,835 If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too. 33 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,438 My God. 34 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,740 You're getting engaged tonight. 35 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,908 Yeah. 36 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,043 What are you doin' tonight? 37 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,646 What was I doing? 38 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,081 Here Uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life. 39 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,183 And me? 40 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,252 I'm calling up your Uncle Barney. 41 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,187 Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing 42 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,321 for half-Asian girls? 43 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:33,427 Well, now I've got a new favorite-- Lebanese girls. 44 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,629 Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. 45 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,431 Hey, you want to do somethin' tonight? 46 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,601 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up! 47 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,238 Hey. 48 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,740 Where's your suit? Just once, 49 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,776 when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit. 50 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,144 I did that one time. 51 00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:52,746 It was a blazer! 52 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,114 You know, 53 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:57,017 ever since college it's been, Marshall and Lilly and me. 54 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,153 Now, it's gonna be Marshall and Lilly... 55 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,588 and me. 56 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,290 They'll get married, start a family. 57 00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,092 Before long, I'm that weird, middle-aged bachelor 58 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,594 their kids call Uncle Ted. 59 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,897 I see what this is about. 60 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,633 Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met? 61 00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,571 Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. 62 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,208 Barney. We met at the urinal. 63 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,842 Oh, right. Right. 64 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,477 Lesson one: lose the goatee. 65 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,845 It doesn't go with your suit. 66 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,214 I'm not wearing a suit. 67 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,915 Lesson two: get a suit. 68 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,318 Suits are cool. Exhibit "A." 69 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,019 Lesson three: don't even think 70 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,256 about getting married till you're 30. 71 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,657 30. Right. You're right. 72 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,560 I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged, 73 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,694 you start thinking about that stuff. 74 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,364 I thought I was your best friend. 75 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,666 Ted, say I'm your best friend. 76 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,001 You're my best friend, Barney. 77 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,337 Good. Then, as your best friend, 78 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,704 I suggest we play a little game 79 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,406 I like to call "Have you met Ted?" 80 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,141 Wait. No, no, no. We're not playing "Have you met Ted?" 81 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,476 Hi, have you met Ted? 82 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,944 Hi, 83 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,679 I'm Ted. 84 00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,513 Yasmine. 85 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:00,881 That's a very pretty name. 86 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,716 Thanks. It's Lebanese. 87 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,120 Hey. 88 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,088 ( sighs ) 89 00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,189 I'm exhausted. 90 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,525 It was finger-painting day at school, 91 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,895 and a five year-old boy got to second base with me. 92 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,131 Wow! You're cooking? 93 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,967 Yes, I am. 94 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,170 Aw... 95 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,472 Are you sure that's a good idea? 96 00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:28,008 After last time, you looked really creepy without eyebrows. 97 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,042 I can handle this. 98 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,678 I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight. 99 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,546 So, there's more surprises? Likewhat? 100 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,283 Marshall was in his second year of law school, 101 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,885 so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet. 102 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,953 Boogedyboo! 103 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,456 And that's all of 'em. 104 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,692 I'm gonna go... cook. 105 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,861 I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. 106 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,663 I just couldn't imagine settling down right now. 107 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,399 So, do you think you'll ever get married? 108 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:55,303 Well, maybe eventually... some fall day, 109 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,437 possibly in Central Park. 110 00:03:57,305 --> 00:04:00,240 Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows. 111 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,109 Band, no DJ. People will dance! 112 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,444 I'm not gonna worry about it! 113 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:07,047 Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged? 114 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,181 Yeah, nothing hotter 115 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,084 than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh? 116 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,086 Actually, I think it's cute. 117 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,788 Well, you're clearly drunk. 118 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:15,989 One more for the lady! 119 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,460 Oh, hey, look what I got. 120 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,334 Oh, honey! Champagne. 121 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,136 Yeah. 122 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:34,041 No. You are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne. 123 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,042 I'm not scared. 124 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:35,876 Then open it. 125 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,010 Fine. 126 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,547 Please open it? 127 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,516 You are unbelievable, Marshall. 128 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,652 There are two big questions a man has to ask in life. 129 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,820 One, you plan out for months. 130 00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,256 The other just slips out when you're half drunk at some bar. 131 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,524 Will you marry me? 132 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,360 You wanna go out sometime? 133 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,395 Of course, you idiot! 134 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,766 I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend. 135 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:03,504 'Sup, Carl? 136 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,574 ( both sigh ) 137 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,877 I promised Ted we wouldn't do that. 138 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,080 Did you know there's a Pop Tart under your fridge? 139 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,115 No, but dibs. 140 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,185 Where's that champagne? 141 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,187 I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée. 142 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,922 Oh! 143 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,594 I don't know why I was so scared of this. 144 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,362 It's pretty easy, right? 145 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,930 Oh! ( Lilly shrieks ) 146 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,366 Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? 147 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,735 This is crazy. I'm not ready to settle down. 148 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,671 How does Carl land a Lebanese girl? 149 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,839 The plan has always been 150 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,808 don't even think about it until you're 30. 151 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,643 Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit. 152 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,245 Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life. 153 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,347 Even if I was ready, which I'm not... 154 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,716 but if I was, it's, like, 155 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:53,253 "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?" 156 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,590 ( romantic music plays ) 157 00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,692 And there she was. 158 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,100 It was like something from an old movie, 159 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,268 where the sailor sees the girl 160 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,570 across the crowded dance floor, 161 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:13,507 turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl? 162 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,208 I'm gonna marry her someday." 163 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,811 Hey, Barney, see that girl? 164 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:21,214 Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty. 165 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,583 Go say hi. 166 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,785 I can't just go say hi. 167 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,819 I need a plan. 168 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,254 I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom, 169 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,256 then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox... 170 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,391 Hi, have you met Ted? 171 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:34,828 Hi. 172 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,964 Let me guess... 173 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,165 Ted. 174 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,437 Sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry. 175 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,472 Take us to the hospital. 176 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,473 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 177 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,607 Did you hit her? 178 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,909 ( both laugh ) 179 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:49,943 Hit me? Please! 180 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,746 This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun. 181 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,649 He's all like, "Oh, honey. Did that hurt?" 182 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,384 And, I'm like, "Come on! 183 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,219 Let me have it, you pansy!" 184 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,254 Wow, a complete stranger. 185 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,256 No, no, no, no! It's okay. Go on. 186 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,494 So, these, uh, spankings... 187 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:10,097 you in pajamas or au naturel? 188 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:10,898 So, what do you do? 189 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,833 I'm a reporter for Metro News One. 190 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:13,701 Oh. 191 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,302 Well, kind of a reporter. 192 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,170 I do those dumb little fluff pieces 193 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,338 at the end of the news. 194 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,509 You know, like, um... monkey who can play the ukulele. 195 00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,244 I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon. 196 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,414 Bigger, like, uh... gorilla with an upright bass? 197 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,116 Sorry. You're really pretty. 198 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,150 ( laughs ) 199 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,288 Oh, your friends don't seem to happy. 200 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,124 Yeah, see, the one in the middle just got dumped 201 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,492 by her boyfriend. 202 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,127 So, tonight, every guy is "the enemy." 203 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,829 You know if it'll make your friend feel better, 204 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,564 you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind. 205 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,465 She would love that! 206 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:48,702 And it does look fun in the movies. 207 00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,403 Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night? 208 00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:54,708 Oh, I can't. I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. 209 00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,409 Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. 210 00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,811 Guess who's covering it? 211 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,379 That's gonna take a week? 212 00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,781 Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. 213 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,282 It's another record. 214 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,450 Hey! What's takin' so long? 215 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,485 Uh, I know this is a long shot, 216 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,521 but how 'bout tomorrow night? 217 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,824 Yeah. What the hell? 218 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,532 Jerk! 219 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:19,733 That was fun. 220 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:23,103 De... wait for it... 221 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,404 nied! 222 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,039 Denied! 223 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,675 We're goin' out tomorrow night. 224 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,910 I thought we were playin' laser tag tomorrow night. 225 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,246 Yeah, I was never gonna go play laser tag. 226 00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:38,652 The next night, I took her out 227 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,953 to this little bistro in Brooklyn. 228 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:40,921 Wow! 229 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,490 That is one badass blue French horn. 230 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,058 Yeah. Mm-hmm. 231 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,294 Sort of looks like a Smurf penis. 232 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:51,064 Son, a piece of advice: when you go on a first date, 233 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,801 you really don't wanna say "Smurf penis." 234 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,337 Girls don't ordinarily like that. 235 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,073 But this was no ordinary girl. 236 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,008 ( laughing ) 237 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,345 Lilly? 238 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,714 ( table clatters ) 239 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,116 How long have you been sitting there? 240 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,652 Stupid eye patch. 241 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,888 Mom, Dad, 242 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,625 I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 243 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,392 Marshall, how have I always 244 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,260 described my perfect woman? 245 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,695 Now, let's see... 246 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,230 she likes dogs? 247 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,665 I've got five dogs. 248 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,633 She drinks scotch? 249 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,967 I love a scotch that's old 250 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,769 enough to order its own scotch. 251 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,771 Can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters? 252 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:35,809 Ray! When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes!" 253 00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,945 And I'm saving the best for last. 254 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,513 Do you want these? I hate olives. 255 00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,716 She hates olives! Awesome! 256 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,484 The olive theory. 257 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,554 The olive theory is based on my friends Marshall and Lilly. 258 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,056 He hates olives, she loves them. 259 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,491 In a weird way, that's what makes them such a great couple. 260 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,993 Perfect balance. 261 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,462 You know, I've had a jar of olives 262 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,931 just sitting in my fridge forever. 263 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,669 I could take 'em off your hands. 264 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,371 They're all yours. 265 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,106 Oh, it is on! 266 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,775 It is on 267 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,342 ( singing ): till the break of dawn. 268 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,179 But wait. 269 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,047 It's only the break of 10:30. What happened? 270 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,750 I gotta get one of those blue French horns 271 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:17,951 for over my fireplace. 272 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,220 It's gotta be blue. It's gotta be French. 273 00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,088 No green clarinet? 274 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,656 Nope. Come on. No purple tuba? 275 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,825 It's a Smurf penis or no dice. 276 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,826 ( laughs ) 277 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,728 WOMAN: There you are! 278 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:28,829 We got a jumper. 279 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,630 Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge. 280 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,899 Come on. You're coverin' it! 281 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:35,435 Um... all right. I'll be right there. 282 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,772 I'm sorry. 283 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,440 I had a really great time tonight. 284 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,275 Yeah. 285 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,443 So?! 286 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,745 Did you kiss her? 287 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,847 No. The moment wasn't right. 288 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,216 Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. 289 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,984 I want our first kiss to be amazing. 290 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,021 Aw, Ted, that is so sweet. 291 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:57,357 So you chickened out like a little bitch. 292 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,693 What? I did not chicken out. 293 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:00,861 You know what? 294 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,063 I don't need to take first kiss advice 295 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,631 from some pirate who hasn't been single 296 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,899 since the first week of college. 297 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,702 Anyone who's single would tell you the same thing, 298 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,004 even the dumbest single person alive. 299 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,640 And if you don't believe me, call him. 300 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,308 ( rock music playing ) 301 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,376 Hey, loser. 302 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,145 How's not playing laser tag? 303 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,646 Because playing laser tag is awesome! 304 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,514 Oh, I killed you, Conner! 305 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,216 Don't make me get your mom! 306 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,852 Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something. 307 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,219 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. 308 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,788 And suit up! 309 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,891 So, these guys think I chickened out. 310 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,259 What do you think? 311 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:37,097 I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit. 312 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,799 She didn't even give me the signal. 313 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,100 What, is she gonna, she gonna 314 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,102 bat her eyes at you in Morse code? 315 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,471 "Ted... 316 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,505 kiss me." 317 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,940 No! You just kiss her! 318 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,442 Not if you don't get the signal. 319 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,713 Did Marshall give me the signal? 320 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,848 No! 321 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,050 I didn't. I swear. 322 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,586 But, see, at least tonight, 323 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,221 I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me, 324 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,055 never gonna happen. 325 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,090 You should have kissed her. 326 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,925 Oh, I should have kissed her. 327 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,394 Well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando. 328 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,963 A week? That's like a year in hot girl time. 329 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,331 She'll forget all about you. 330 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,401 Mark my words-- you will never see that one again. 331 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,936 There she is. 332 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:17,971 Ooh! She's cute. 333 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,439 Hey, Carl, turn it up. 334 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,507 ...persuaded him to reconsider. 335 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,310 At which point, the man came down off the ledge, 336 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,847 giving this bizarre story a happy ending. 337 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,248 Reporting from Metro One News... Huh. 338 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,516 Guy didn't jump. 339 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,751 I'm gonna go kiss her. 340 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,586 Right now. 341 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,822 Look, dude. It's midnight. 342 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,223 As your future lawyer, 343 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,725 I'm gonna advise you that's freakin' crazy. 344 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,193 I never do anything crazy. 345 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,895 I'm always waiting for the moment, 346 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,030 planning the moment. 347 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,431 Well, she's leaving tomorrow. 348 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,699 This may be the only moment I'm gonna get. 349 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,435 I gotta do what that guy couldn't. 350 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,903 I gotta take the leap! 351 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,205 Okay, not a perfect metaphor, 352 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,574 'cause for me it's fall in love and get married, 353 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,909 and for him it's... death. 354 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:59,079 Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. 355 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,448 By the way, did I congratulate you two? 356 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,716 I'm doing this. 357 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,152 Let's go. 358 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,119 Word up. 359 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,554 We're coming with you. 360 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,622 Barney? 361 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,691 All right, 362 00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,793 but under one condition. 363 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,196 Look at you, you beautiful bastard. 364 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,197 You suited up! 365 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,266 This is totally going in my blog! 366 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,934 Stop the car. 367 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,435 Uh, pull over right here. 368 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:25,472 I gotta do something. 369 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,908 Excuse me. Pardon me. 370 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,642 Just a sec'. Enjoy your coffee. 371 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:30,643 Hey! 372 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:31,644 Hey! 373 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,813 Go! Go! Go! 374 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,286 Everybody brings flowers. 375 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,427 ( exhales ) 376 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,529 Okay. Moment of truth. 377 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,032 Wish me luck. 378 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,701 Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter. 379 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:57,437 "This just in." Okay. 380 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:01,741 Kiss her, Ted! 381 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:02,910 Kiss her good! 382 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,078 Kiss the crap outta that girl! 383 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,213 Marshall, remember this night. 384 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,281 When you're the best man at our wedding 385 00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,951 and you give a speech, you're gonna tell this story. 386 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,122 Why does he get to be the best man? 387 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,090 I'm your best friend! 388 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,992 As I walked up to that door, 389 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,593 a million thoughts raced through my mind. 390 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,730 Unfortunately, one particular thought did not. 391 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,265 I've got five dogs. 392 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,100 ( doorbell buzzes, barking ) 393 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,469 Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good. Not good. 394 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,537 No! 395 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,538 Get back in there! 396 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,672 You're wearing a suit! 397 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,176 ( barking continues ) 398 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,344 Ted? 399 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,412 Hi. 400 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,583 I was just, uh... 401 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,056 Come on up. 402 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,925 MARSHALL: He's in. 403 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,594 So... 404 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,697 Ranjit, you must have done it with a Lebanese girl? 405 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,067 Okay, that's my Barney limit. 406 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,802 I'm gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom. 407 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,738 Actually, I'm from Bangladesh. 408 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,941 The women hot there? 409 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,343 Here's a picture of my wife. 410 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,415 A simple "no" would have sufficed. 411 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,418 She's lovely. 412 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,087 So, Ted, 413 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,421 what brings you back to Brooklyn 414 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,856 at 1:00 in the morning in a suit? 415 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:27,160 I was just hoping to... 416 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:31,098 get those olives... that you said I could have. 417 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:34,234 Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth? 418 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,669 Are you trying to get me drunk? 419 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,242 For starters. 420 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,145 ( romantic music plays ) 421 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,118 So, Marshall, this olive theory, 422 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,852 based on you and Lilly? 423 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:53,820 Yeah. 424 00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,122 You hate olives. 425 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,990 Lilly loves 'em. You can't stand 'em. 426 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,491 Yeah. Hate olives. 427 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,493 Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th street, 428 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,396 dish of olives, you had some-- what up? 429 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,469 You have to swear that this does not leave this cab. 430 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,870 I swear. 431 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,239 I swear. 432 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,308 On our first date, 433 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,609 I ordered a Greek salad. 434 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,046 Lilly asked if she could have my olives. 435 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,714 I said, "Sure. I hate olives." 436 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,250 But, you like olives. 437 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,885 Well, I was 18, okay? I was a virgin. 438 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:29,422 Been waitin' my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives. 439 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,925 Marshall, I'm gonna give you an early wedding present. 440 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:35,528 Don't get married. 441 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:43,136 * Baby, since I met you, oh... 442 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,538 I think I like your olive theory. 443 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,808 I think I like your new French horn. 444 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,345 I think I like your nose. 445 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,747 I think I'm in love with you. 446 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:55,782 What?! What?! What?! 447 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:56,749 What? What? 448 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,085 What? 449 00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,219 Come on, man, you said 450 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,220 your stomach's been hurting, right? 451 00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,388 You know what that is. 452 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,422 Hunger. 453 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,823 You're hungry for experience. 454 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,525 Hungry for something new. 455 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,495 Hungry for olives. 456 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,897 But you're too scared to do anything about it. 457 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,100 Yeah, I'm scared, okay? 458 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,235 But, when I think of spending 459 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,969 the rest of my life with Lilly-- 460 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,773 committing, forever, no other women-- 461 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,943 doesn't scare me at all. 462 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,578 I'm marrying that girl. 463 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,649 Lilly. 464 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,751 Lilly, I like olives. 465 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,121 We'll make it work. 466 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,492 Aw... 467 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,300 So, Orlando. 468 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,236 You gonna hit Disneyworld? 469 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,071 You love me?! 470 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,674 I-I-I can't believe I said that. 471 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,775 Why did I say that? 472 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,110 Who says that? 473 00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,845 I should just go. 474 00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,113 Hold on. 475 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,414 Wait a minute. 476 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,218 Promised you these. 477 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,053 Olives. Yeah. 478 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,888 Thanks. I love you. 479 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,790 What is wrong with me? 480 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,960 Why are we still sitting here? 481 00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,395 Let's go. We can still make last call. 482 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,463 What do you say, Lil? 483 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,532 Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum? 484 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,336 'Cause you're a pirate. 485 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,405 Okay, eye patch, gone. 486 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,375 And we can't just abandon Ted. 487 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,110 If it doesn't go well up there, he's gonna need some support. 488 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,945 It's been, like, 20 minutes. 489 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,514 You think they're doin' it? 490 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,483 You think they're doin' it in front of the dogs? 491 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,484 Doggy style. ( laughing ) 492 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,951 Hey, there was a girl in college, 493 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,187 she had this golden retriever... 494 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,054 Okay, we can go to the bar. Just stop talking. 495 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,823 Hit it, Ranjit. 496 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,130 So, when you tell this story to your friends, 497 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,799 could you avoid the word "psycho?" 498 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,868 I'd prefer... "eccentric." 499 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,338 Good night... psycho. 500 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,043 Great. 501 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,912 Um, how do I get to the F train? 502 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,415 Oh, um, two blocks 503 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,250 that way and take a right. 504 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,087 You know what? 505 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,657 I'm done being single. 506 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,692 I'm not good at it. 507 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:20,927 Look, obviously, 508 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,630 you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. 509 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,699 But... it sucks that you can't. 510 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,369 I'll tell you something, though. 511 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,439 If a woman-- not you, just some hypothetical woman-- 512 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,107 were to bear with me through all this, 513 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,677 I think I'd make a damn good husband. 514 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:40,347 Because, that's the stuff I'd be good at, 515 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,350 stuff like making her laugh and being a good father. 516 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,519 And walking her five hypothetical dogs. 517 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,656 Being a good kisser. 518 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,759 Everyone thinks they're a good kisser. 519 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,394 Oh, I've got references. 520 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,796 Good night, Ted. 521 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,572 And I'm a good handshaker. 522 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,907 That's a pretty great handshake. 523 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,313 And that was it. 524 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,215 I'll probably never see her again. 525 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,318 What? 526 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,952 That was the signal. 527 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,054 That long, lingering handshake? 528 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,490 You should have kissed her. 529 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,259 There's no such thing as "the signal." 530 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,528 But, yeah, that was the signal. 531 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,830 Signal. 532 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,832 Ah, Carl, thank you. 533 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,667 Something I gotta do. 534 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,036 By the way, 535 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,471 you should have kissed her. 536 00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:41,007 Carl! You guys weren't there. 537 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,642 ( cork pops ) 538 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,044 I am so turned on right now. 539 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,280 TED: Guys, trust me. 540 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,348 I've seen the signal. 541 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,650 That was not the signal. 542 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,952 Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore. 543 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,087 To my fiancée. 544 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,956 To the future. 545 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,725 To one hell of a night! 546 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,731 That was not the signal. 547 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,434 I asked her about it years later. 548 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,001 And, yeah, that was the signal. 549 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:10,403 I could have kissed her. 550 00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,171 But that's the funny thing about destiny. 551 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,574 It happens whether you plan it or not. 552 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,709 I mean, I never thought I'd see that girl again, 553 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,512 but it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle 554 00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,448 to see the picture that was forming. 555 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,049 Because, that, kids, 556 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,285 is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin. 557 00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,655 Aunt Robin? 558 00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,123 I thought this was how you met Mom! 559 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,224 Will you relax? 560 00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:33,993 I'm getting to it. 561 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,530 Like I said, it's a long story.